(Closed) Secretly Started To Plan…..But No Ring…..Need to Prioritize

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Planning without a ring?
    Totally okay to plan : (18 votes)
    44 %
    Crazy to Plan w/o ring : (23 votes)
    56 %
  • Post # 3
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I don’t think the ring is necessary for planning, but I DO think you should be discussing this stuff with your Fiance before making decisions – about a venue, a date or anything else! It’s okay to keep the planning a secret from most people, but not your Fiance… In My Humble Opinion.

    I thought J would have no opinions and almost didn’t tell him when I started looking into stuff – turns out, he has a lot of opinions and a lot of our decisions we’ve made together and I think they’re going to be better than they would’ve been if I’d done it alone! (and no, I don’t have a ring yet either)

    Post # 5
    255 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I too don’t think the ring is necessary for planning. My Fiance and I told our parents and booked our venue even before he got the ring on my finger (he was paying it off in installments to the jeweler at the time). I’m really glad we talked about the various venues though because my Fiance also had lots of opinions as to what he wanted to do, is comfortable with, venue ideas and so on.

    I hope you get your ring soon! Fingers crossed!

    Post # 6
    946 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m planning too with no ring.  I don’t know when it’s going to happen, but I’ve had lots of hints.  He’s also mentioned wanting a short engagement, so the more I have ready now, the smoother the engagement will be.  He knows the venue and what I want as far as dresses and colors go, but I don’t think he realizes how serious I am in looking at this stuff.  i.e. My ‘webforum’ for working girls is code word for WeddingBee.  hehe

    Post # 7
    2634 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think it’s completely ok to look and THINK about what you want for your wedding without the ring, but to decide on a date and a venue without his consent?  Eh, not my cup of tea.  It’s HIS wedding too and he really should get a say in those things.  What if he HATES the venue you’ve “chosen”?

    Post # 8
    1020 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I agree with other posters – it’s not the ring that’s missing or necessary, it’s your future husband’s input or at least knowledge of what’s going on. I did a lot of dreaming and web-planning before we were engaged, but I told my Fiance before I went anywhere and did anything concrete.

    Post # 9
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think it’s fine to look and magazines and venues and get ideas … but don’t put any $$ down until that rock is on your finger. 

    Post # 10
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I did a LOT of pre-planning sans ring. In fact I’d picked out our venue like a year before, LOL.

    I picked out the venue, sent him a link to it, and he liked it too. I told him he can look for places, too but he was perfectly content to let me pick it and to give it a glance b/c he didn’t want to nor did he have the time to deal with it (he had to work 7 days a week w/ crappy internet)

    The date we ended up picking was contingent on what they had available.

    He was deployed so it wasn’t real practical to discuss every single thing. Often I’d decide on a bunch of stuff, make a final decision, and send it his way to inform him what was chosen. Some things up front he told me he was adamant about–no pink for the men, etc. But for the most part, if he felt strongly about something, he knew he had to tell me asap. THey had lots of black outs so sometimes we couldn’t talk for a week or email, either.

    But if you CAN talk to your Fiance, you should =]

    I wouldn’t put money down w/o a ring either.


    Post # 12
    293 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I don’t think it’s fair of you to make decisions without you Fiance involved.  It’s his day too.  You need to be honest with him about your said planning, and at least give him the opportunity to be involved.  He may have input from a perspective you haven’t even thought about. 

    As I’m planning, I make “decisions” based on what looks good to me or what I want, and Fiance gives input based on what’s practical, as well as what he would like.  You’re not marrying yourself, which means it’s not just about you.  His opinion matters.

    So as others have stated, the ring is not the only thing missing.

    Post # 13
    1207 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    It’s ok to plan without a ring, we did, but it was WE who planned, not just me or just him.  I think that’s the big difference, it’s not fair to plan things behind his back.

    Post # 14
    1601 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    it’s definately okay to plan without a ring, but like everyone else said, no money down.

    if you’re looking to get married in august, i think you’re doing a great job because you don’t want to be completely overloaded when the ring does come and you’ve got like, 5 months to plan everything.

    also, my bf and i have already talked about how i’m supposed to look this up. maybe meet with a few people just so i can have price points for him, figure out whats achievable, and then once i’ve narrowed it down he can come and check them out.

    Post # 16
    542 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    It seems you have talked about a few things, and I understand you not wanting to affect his proposal, but I think you should either just ask if he is ok with you finding a place and booking (or at least finding out costs) or not ask and be content with just doing some research.  Going too far ahead, even if you are going to do all the planning, without his knowledge doesn’t seem quite right to me.

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