(Closed) Secretly wed months before the wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1527 posts
Bumble bee

i haven’t done it, but you should only do it if you both are sure. It sounds like there are a number of benefits, but if you’re going to be changing your name and stuff it might take away from doing all that stuff later. My fiancé and I live together already and act like a married couple, so I mean that stuff won’t change, but I don’t think it’ll take away from it. I would make sure that there are some changes that will happen once you get married in Jamaica that will make it seem special. You’ll get to wear your bands and stuff ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 4
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We got married before our wedding so we could start my husbands green card process. We didn’t keep it a secret though. The only thing it took away from our wedding day was the fact that I didn’t have to worry about him leaving me at the alter, haha!

In all honesty, we had a fantastic wedding, and already being married didn’t take anything away from celebrating our love and marriage with our family and friends.

I’d say go for it!

Post # 5
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

It really depends on the both of you and what you define marriage as ๐Ÿ™‚

I know many people get legally married courthouse style, and don’t actually do the ceremony or religious aspects until later.

Post # 6
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I say go for it for the benefits thing. My only advice is don’t keep it a secret. I have had two family members do that and it almost tore our family apart. They lied to us and it just didn’t go over well. Just be honest, you have vaild points for doing it early so I am sure they will all understand.

Post # 9
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I thought about doing this as well but ended up waiting. The thing that my Mom brought to my attention was.. “when is your actual wedding anniversary?” lol

Post # 10
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Having lived together for that long, aren’t you eligible for spousal benefits?

Before you go through with a full marriage ceremony, look into the requirement of his health insurance. Many companies only require you two to sign swearing your commonlaw status to be eligible.

Post # 11
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@CountryBee:We’re celebrating both (because hey, why not?!?) but when we calculate “how long we’ve been married” we use the first date, because as I see it, we’ve been together 9 years, and I didn’t want to be cheated out of an extra 8 months! I’m sure once we get up to our 20th or so anniversary, it won’t make a difference anyways ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
15 posts
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you’re getting married in Jamaica and youre a US citizen, you need to go to the courthouse anyway to make it a legal marriage in the US.  Most people are legally married before their destination wedding.  I’ve only heard of a few people who did their courthouse ceremony when they got back.

It’s common for destination weddings, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

Post # 13
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My advice would be to not keep it a secret.  If people find out (and odds are REALLY good that someone will), then they are going to be very hurt and possible very angry that they weren’t ‘good’ enough to know the truth.  

My husband and I were married 6 months prior to our wedding because of the immigration requirement timeframes.   We told everyone what we were doing and nobody was bothered by it at all.  It took nothing away from our wedding day – in fact both days are so very special to me in different ways!  April 16th because that’s the day I legally married my best friend, and October 15th because that’s the day we celebrated with all our friends and family!  

@CountryBee:  I’m with @CanAmBride: on this.  We celebrate both, but officially my marriage started on April 16th, not October 15th.  ๐Ÿ™‚  

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