- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
So we got married on Saturday. Things went wrong of course but it was a beautiful day and we had a great time.
Friday night was the bachelorette party. My fiance at the time was staying the night with his parents and originally was going to have my daughter with him until my brother agreed to watch my daughter so she could spend time with her cousins. Everything was great the girls and I had a great time at the bachelorette party and the next day I walked down the aisle and we got married.
After the wedding we stopped downtown for a shot with the family who came from out of town before we headed out to the honeymoon. All was great. Right before we get into the car though my now husbands friend and one of the groomsmen mentions them being downtown the night before.
Now I’d have no problem with him going out the night before to get a drink with the guys but he never said anything about it. So I brought it up in the car and sure enough he wasn’t telling me on purpose. Said with everything going on wedding related he didn’t want to add stress to me or anything. I got pretty upset that on our wedding day he hid something from me.
He said the guys wanted to get something to eat at burger king so they all went for a ride, when they got in the car they basically kidnapped my husband for a drink downtown. They already had their bachelor party the week before where he went to a strip club but I already posted on that.
He said they went downtown and got a drink and that was it. He went back home and went to bed. He was drunk from the drinks at the rehearsal dinner but he just went home and got in bed.
So a couple days ago while on the cruise (our honeymoon) he mentions playing music with his band the night before the wedding. Just one song but they got up and played a song downtown. Wouldn’t be a big deal but on our wedding day he said all he did downtown was drink a drink and go home. Then all of a sudden he had a drink and played music with his band, who just happened to be there.
He’s out playing with his band right now, I have no problem with it, but the fact that he didn’t tell me when we were already discussing that night the day of our wedding and I told him I didnt like him hiding things, it really upset me. He said he just forgot about the song because he was drunk. And 4 days later he remembered so he told me.
Now in his defense I used to get upset about things like these. We had many discussions and I’ve done a lot of self work since those days and am so much better than I ever was. I don’t get mad when he goes out with the guys and often encourage it now. But he said he was afraid (of telling me about going downtown in general) because he thought I would get upset with him and he didn’t want to stress me out. I told him on the cruise when he told me about the song that he has to trust me that I wont get upset. He keeps thinking I’ll blow up on him because he hasnt given me a chance to prove to him that I have changed. He admitted to this.
He also is legitimately afraid to stress me out because I’ve just been diagnosed with epilepsy and stress has been a known trigger for me, he didn’t want me to have a seizure on the day of the wedding.
But it kind of hurts to know he was intentionally hiding something from me while we were getting married. While he said his vows. While we promised our lives to eachother.
He is a great guy, he really is, and after the bachelor party nonsense and now this… It just sucks because our wedding day should not have been like that. As beautiful and as happy as it was, it shouldn’t have happened with secrets, especially when they were harmless.
I told him I forgave him for it but it’s still bugging me. I don’t know what to do to make it stop. The first time on the wedding day I just let it go, but after he said “Nothing else happened, all we did was go get a drink and I went home” and then he says he forgot that he played a song with his band after their drink… It’s really bothering me now… Is it really possible that he just forgot for 4 days that he played a song with his band when he was going over everything else? He didn’t seem that drunk to me that night but I wasn’t there.
Edit to ad: I just want to mention again… I’m not mad about what he did, I could care less. I encourage him to go out with his friends and to play music. I could care less. What upsets me about this situation is that he admits to intentionally hiding this from me, even something as small as this, he admits to keeping it from me. I don’t grill him when he goes out, but I do and will always grill if he hides something from me. So what is upsetting me is that he didn’t tell me he went out with his friends to a bar the night before the wedding, that he didn’t tell me on purpose. I don’t care that he went, I care that he purposely didn’t tell me that he went.