(Closed) Seeing other people divorce

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
10368 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

So far, the only people I know who have divorced are the ones who got married young, or the people who we all thought never should have gotten married to begin with. None of the divorces came out of left field in my social group.

Post # 5
Member
2876 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

its almost worse when you realise that one person is happy and the other person isnt, as opposed to them both being fighting and miserable and wanting out

i know one couple who got a divorce. she adored him, he walked out after 1.5 yrs and when she got the divorce papers after a quickie divorce he was listed as cohabiting with another woman. and he hadnt warned her or anything. she tried to get him to counselling, to do anything to save marriage and he just said no.

and yeah she seemed happy on fb till then (he wasnt my fb friend). but then again she was

i know what you mean though. you never know what goeso n behind closed doors

Post # 6
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Our best friends are divorcing.  We feel like we’re their children of divorce.  It’s horrible…and it was quite unexpected for us.  At first I was shaken but FI reminded me that we’re not them.  The wife shared with me that they had an agreement that if they weren’t happy they would end things…and she told me this as kind of saying that she couldn’t blame him for being true to their agreement.  And FI again, reminded me that this isn’t our plan for if things get rocky for us…that we’ll go to counseling, travel, move, go to a retreat w/e but we’re not giving up.  So that helped.  But it’s still terrible being in the middle of our best friend’s divorce 🙁

 

Post # 9
Member
8995 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

It doesn’t shake me. My husband and I have an agreement — Divorce is not an option. Unless one of us is being physically abused or emotionally abused, divorce is not an option. Neither one of us will consent to it. It’s all how you deal with things. When things get tough, I’ve never been one to turn tail and run, but I know this isn’t the method for everyone. I support people who divorce amicably. It’s really amazing to say, “This just isn’t working.” and get through it together and move on. Nasty divorces happen, but it isn’t something that will happen to me only because of my husband and I’s rather barbaric, stubborn personalities.

Post # 10
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I completely understand what you are going through. I’m under 30 and in the last 2 years have witnessed 4 divorces of close friends and 1 common law (7 year) split.

1 we saw coming from well before they ever got married

1 was infidelity on the wife’s part

1 was she just stopped loving him

2 SHOCKED me. I thought they were the best matched couples and thought they’d be together forever. The 1 he stopped loving her, and the other I have no idea.

While I also don’t doubt my decision to marry FI it has reiterated that we will get a prenup. Not because we think our marriage will end, or because either of us would be vindictive, but because IF it ever were to happen neither one of us wants the fight and emotional upheaval of sorting through assets while mourning the end of a marriage.

Post # 11
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017

I’m still young and in my circle of friends/acquaintances there’s only been one divorce, and I never thought they would work out to begin with. A particular divorce in my family was also pretty obvious too.

My FI and I both promised that ‘we only want to marry once’ so we will make it work no matter what, and I really do think we can work! I don’t feel ‘shaken’ at all,

Post # 12
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@eeruhlig:  There are a few people I have on fb that are just so constantly happy about their lives and relationships that it bugs me a little… I’m not saying people can’t be completely happy, but it’s the constant gloating I find weird. I find the “anniversary” posts especially strange – “Happy anniversary baby, I love you soooo much, you’re my bestie” etc. Because they are usually not posted to their other half, they are just a status. Personally I feel like you can just say that to your SO in real life, not to all your fb “friends”.

Anyway, yeah, we can never really know what someone elses’s relationship is like and I often think the ones that seem overly happy on social media are perhaps the opposite.

And no, divorce rates don’t worry me.

Post # 13
Member
10368 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@eeruhlig:  I’d say about 80% of the people I know who got married age 22 or below got divorced by age 30. Which isn’t so far off of the actual stats for people who get married that young.

Post # 15
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with several of the above comments. Saw it coming and everyone I’ve known who over shared how happy they were are divorced now (yay for a few months break of mushy then break up/divorce posts lol).  I don’t count “young”, being 37, even the young divorces were no suprise and I’ve know couples who married young who are still married.

Also I think it’s a reminder, this is real life not TV or movies, life is hard and you both have to make a commitment and follow through on having your relationship a priority and working through issues before they blow up.

Post # 16
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@starsr:  +1 This! I also hate those anniversary posts, or a kid’s birthday post: why don’t they say it to their DH/kid?? Does it really mean more if you publish it on the internet?

But divorce statistics don’t worry me, but yeah, I have certainly had a few curve-balls when hearing of people separating. Most of my uncles are now divorced and almost all were unfaithful; I would never have seen that coming either!

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