(Closed) Seeing other people divorce

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I haven’t had any friends divorce. But we have had quite a few family friends divorce after like 30 years of marriage. Those are always shocking.

Post # 33
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@eeruhlig:  i know what you mean. i don’t think it makes me worried about my own marriage, per se, but it does upset me in a way. since Fiance proposed, my cousin and her husband and my aunt and her husband have separated. and my cousin and her husband have a 2 year old. 🙁 so sad.

Post # 34
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

It always shocks me too that a couple can go through wedded bliss then hate eachother X amount of time later.  If you’ve been in love once, surely you can do it again (except in certain circumstances like abuse).

Post # 35
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’ve seen several, none that were terribly surprising.  Obviously, you know that you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, an outwardly happy couple can be screaming at each other on a daily basis.  And social media does NOT help situations – it’s so easy to make an angry post or tweet and not think about the implications.  I’ve seen a soon to be ex-husband call his wife a whore on FB.  Which was also calling her a whore in front of their children’s teachers, the parents of their friends, and their family.  I have no idea if she did or did not sleep with other people, nor do I care.  It was completely inappropriate for him to make that comment in front of their friends and family.  And her lawyer had a field day with all the crap he was posting. 

 

I’ve been divorced, but we BOTH made it a point to not air our dirty laundry in front of everyone.  I’ve learned that other people’s relationships have no impact on my own, so I’ve stopped comparing myself to them.

 

Post # 36
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@eeruhlig:  i know, its so sad. i know 3 couples who have divorced, one split up 1 month after the wedding, one 4 months after the wedding and one 3 years after the wedding. its so sad, to see all the photos of their special day and all the people there, all the money and planning and dreams coming true, for it to end. i think as long as your true to yourself and know the person that your marrying truly is the absolute one (lots of people “settle” and it just doesnt last) then you’ll be fine. my mum told me once the key to a successful marriage is to marry your best friend and i think thats true 🙂

Post # 37
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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@crayfish:  +1

Among people I know I haven’t seen very many, but one notable one was where they were just SO wrong.  They seemed more like roommates than anything (not even friendly ones).

Post # 38
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@eeruhlig:  It definitely stresses me out a little. Mainly, my parents divorce. I’ve told SO that I’ll always have a bit of anxiety about it because of their divorce. I could go on and on about how much I love him and am commited to him, but I can’t predict what’s gonna happen 20 years from now. My parents were together for about 20 years when they split. I also know someone who’s parents split when she was 29!

I have a friend, who’s 10 years older than me, and she’s splitting from her husband of 15 years. I am really surprised by it. I always kind of thought it was funny that we seemed to have a similar timeline. They started dating at 20, so did SO and I. They married after 7 years, and if SO proposes this summer, we’ll marry after 7 years. I always thought having many years before getting married helped create a stable ground for marriage, so this shook me a little.

SO and I spent a lot of time talking about how to prevent divorce between us and what we would do if the other was having problems in our relationship. We talked about the issues between my parents, and our friends, and how to prevent going down a similar road. Sometimes I think watching others divorce helps us reflect on our own relationship.

I’m only 26, so I haven’t really seen anyone our age divorce, but I do know some friends who are getting married/recently got married, and I do wonder if they will last because I know some of their issues.

Post # 39
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@eeruhlig: 

I sometimes wonder how it got to that point for sure.

But I notice that most married people and divorced people go through the same B.S at some point over the course of their marriages. The only difference with married people is that they stick it out. Conflicts resolve over time as do most other things.

 

Post # 40
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@eeruhlig:  I’ll agree I have 2 friends divorcing this year alone. I’m shocked that in such new marriages people are just throwing in the flag. You never know what will happen down the line and if that relationship can make it through unknown obstacles. I have also seen people get married because it was just the next step and divorce within a year. I worry but I feel Fiance and I have discussed marriage, Im not a huge fan, that I was ok with it since we talked about everything and reasons why the commitment was a good and healthy thing for us.

Post # 41
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

All of our friends are in their late 20’s/early 30’s and only about half are married. No divorces yet (knock on wood) but there are a few that I expect to happen down the line.

Post # 42
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Of people I know…

Two divorces were of people who married in their early twenties and just really weren’t suited as they matured – each is still friends with their ex. One has been remarried for over 20 years.

One is from I don’t know what, but they had three kids and the mother of the wife lived with them and ever since they had the third kid and the Mother-In-Law moved in, the wife seemed to be totally unable to deal with her husband. For years he tried to get her to agree to go to counseling, but she wouldn’t go, and finally she divorced him. He was pretty upset about it. They have a decent post-divorce relationship, though they kids really stir the pot with running back and forth to mom and dad about each other’s dates or whatever. The parents are very careful to never say anything negative in front of the kids. And I personally have never heard anything negative from either of them either.

One is a couple that lost a child. The husband wanted to go to counseling together, first because of the loss, then because of their strained relationship. She always refused. One day she moved in with another man and filed for divorce. Well, okay. They do NOT have an okay relationship.

Those are the only ones that are friends/family, really. The only ones of people we are close enough to to know the circumstances. We have some divorced acquaintances and coworkers but have no idea about the situations there. We think the latter two could probably have been saved if there had been counseling when the problems first started cropping up… but who can know? We definitely know several people whose marriages have been saved with the help of counseling. In fact, the two people we know who we’d be least surprised if they divorced are committed to counseling and whenever they are going regularly you can see a marked improvement in their relationship. So we started with premarital counseling to get us used to it together and find a good counselor, and we’ve both sworn that counseling will be our first line of defense if any problems start happening. Both of our parents have been married for 30 and 40 years, so we do at least have patterns for working marriages.

Post # 43
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We’ve been married for only 10 months and within this short period of time we have seen two close couples get divorced.  The first couple was family and that really hit home.  Then the second couple were friends.  We actually drove the wedding car for them and only 3 months later they were separated.  It was a rude awakening for us that marriage needs to be taken seriously and made a priority and that even those who start off seemingly strong may fall without the right foundation.

Post # 44
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
@beachbride1216:  

Same with my divorce, people were completely shocked, and 3 of my friends and I all got divorced at the same time. None of us were young when we got married, all 30+

Sometimes it just doesn’t work out, and if you find yourself in that position, it’s really no one’s business as to why. You only get one life, you need to be happy in it.

 

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