(Closed) Seeing other people

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Just from what you’ve posted…it sounds like HE is the one that is immature and needs to get over insecurities….HE was the one that cheated…I know what that’s like..it’s not easy to get over it and trust again…if he isn’t ready to commit, maybe you guys should take a long break–otherwise, since you’re obviously already committed, it could be heartbreaking later?

Post # 5
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My advice don’t chase after a man who isn’t totally into you. I made that mistake for a few years while dating. When I met my Fiance I wouldn’t have been able to shake him off if I tried. He was the one envisioning a future with me and made it clear from the beginning. The difference was night and day.

He does not want to settle down with you. His actions tell you that. When the words and actions don’t agree listen to the actions! He wants to date around but keep you on a string. What do you want? What do you deserve? Way more than this…much more.

Post # 6
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Why are you waiting around while he screws around. Even if he comes around he now knows you will tolerate the behavior. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. I am really sorry he’s messing with you this way but it sounds like he’s kind of blaming his behavior on your insecurities. Break up with him and mean it, you will get through it and somewhere there is a great guy just waiting to meet you. For yourself you should consider this relationship over 🙁

Post # 7
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow, sounds like he’s the one who’s insecure with his life and plans, and he’s trying to project it on to you. He’s not ready for a big committment, so he’s trying to get away from it but keep his option open. Or he’s just lying because he doesn’t want to be the kind of person who just dumps you. In either case, if he was the right guy for you to marry, he would be treating you with about 500 times more respect.

I understand how you feel, after being with him for so long it’s hard to see his crappy actions for the deal-breaker that they should be. If I were you, I just doubt I could ever fully get over the lying and disrespect. Those kinds of things tend to repeat themselves. It sounds like you’ve been more than patient and reasonable with him (response to cheating included – that’s definitely something you can get upset about!) so it seems to me like you deserve someone who will meet you halfway. 

If you think you’ll still want him in the long run, maybe you should walk away now and let him come to you when he’s ready. Seeing him keep you at an arm’s length while getting involved with other women will do nothing to preserve what you two had or keep your relationship moving forward. After a while of removing yourself from the situation, your wounds can start to heal and he can start to see what’s really missing from his life. Just make sure you don’t forget what he did to get you into this mess in the first place. And who knows, when he’s not around, a more desrving guy may come to take his place. Just keep an open mind. 

Post # 8
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

First of all he projecting his issues on to you, what have done to be labeled insecure. He cheated and at least he came clean rather then continueing on and proposing. If I were you I wouldn’t stay in limbo waiting for him to have his fun and come back to me. You need to live your life, and it seems to me that you don’t like what he doing and you aren’t cool with him, so you cut the strings and completely end the relationship. He has every right to date other people, he doesn’t have the right to do that and leave as a backup to come back to marry. Clearly he isn’t ready for the commitment he told you even if he is sending mixed messages with what he said, his actions have proved it, I suggest you bielive him and move on for your own sanity.

Post # 9
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Agree with @pocketful_of_flowers:  100% when she said…

My advice don’t chase after a man who isn’t totally into you. I made that mistake for a few years while dating. When I met my Fiance I wouldn’t have been able to shake him off if I tried. He was the one envisioning a future with me and made it clear from the beginning. The difference was night and day.

Move on.  This guy DOES NOT DESERVE YOU !!

Sorry, I know this is hard news to take, but you’ll be better off in the long run.

I recommend you go out and buy the book *He’s just not that into you* by Greg Behrendt and read it cover to cover… devour the main message. 

 WHEN A MAN LOVES YOU, HE WILL DO ANYTHING TO BE WITH YOU… and he WILL BE CONSISTENT (not to mention trustworthy).  Qualities that us women seem to have younger, with men it can take years until they are mature enough to do so (which is WHY so many of us have had our hearts broken by the “bad boys”)

I wish you well (( HUGS ))

Post # 11
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you should turn around and not look back, speaking from experience.

Post # 12
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh, oops, I see you’ve already decided on that! Best of luck to you!

Post # 13
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Yes, I have. The “man” in question wanted my companionship, but wanted to still be single as well. If that makes any sense.

I think he is not ready to get married or to be in any relationship for that matter.

Move on and find someone worth your time and devotion.

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