(Closed) Seeking advice for awkward RSVP question re: bringing a guest

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How to respond to uninvited plus one assumption?
    Be polite but honest -- "we are glad you're coming, but we have not allowed for plus ones, sorry" : (74 votes)
    88 %
    Just let it go, if she wants him there, it's probably important to her : (10 votes)
    12 %
    Other -- please note! : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9631 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    @PolkaDotLaceBride:  Reply saying that you’re sorry but you can not accommodate for extras.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I’d tell her that unfortunately, due to space restrictions, he can’t be invited since you didn’t know about him beforehand.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    can you not make an exception, especially if she is from out of town?

    Post # 6
    Member
    187 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    i have the same problem. we are allowing for +1 ‘s for guests who have been with their other for a long time and we actually know them. So for those who ask rudely if they can bring someone else, we are just responding with “well we would love for you to have a guest, but our numbers are kind of tight at the moment. but, if many guests decline you can for sure bring your guest.” 

    this leaves it open that they MIGHT be able to bring one but at the moment NO. Also, it was very rude of your guest to assume she could bring him. She didnt even ask! and that’s even more annoying.

    Post # 7
    Member
    11351 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @PolkaDotLaceBride:  I would respond in a manner along these lines:

    “We’re SO excited that you’ll be able to come to the wedding! We can’t wait to see you! 

    “Regarding your hoping to bring a friend, I’m so sorry, but, unfortunately, we just aren’t able to accommodate any extra guests. I hope you understand.”

    Post # 8
    Member
    75 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’d say you’re sorry but due to space and cost and cannot accommadate her request. Personally in your situation i’d definitely say no, we’ve only invited people we know. Some of our friends do have partners and are in new relationships that we haven’t invited as we dont know them, and its more money we have to find. Personally i feel its quite rude of people to assume they can bring a plus one, especially when the invite doesn’t state a plus one.

    Post # 9
    Member
    8472 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Stick to your guns and like other bees said, politely tell her that you are sorry, but you cannot accomodate for guests.  If you let 1 do it, you’ll have to let them all do it.

    Post # 10
    Hostess
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    You’re not a bad person. +1s are really tough for all brides, I think. I will say that we allowed all out of town guests a +1. However, if you aren’t allowing +1s for anyone, then you’ll just have to let her know — then it’s up to her to decide whether she’s going to travel and attend solo.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1710 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    We are in a similar situation.  We only gave +1s to those that are married, engaged, or live together (and of course, families), but they were all named on the invitations.  I have a friend that is coming to the wedding but she asked me yesterday if she could bring her cousin.  I told her I would let her know in the next week or so when we receive everyone else’s RSVPs and have a better idea of who is coming (we want to stay below a certain number.  She was fine with it.  I will most likely let her bring her cousin even though she only lives an hour away from the venue and will know several other people there. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I’d say sorry, it’s a space issue. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3830 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Seriously, i dont get the audacity of some people. If “and guest” or “and family” are not on the invite, NO you cant bring a date and NO your 2 year old cant come. 

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    1227 posts
    Bumble bee

    Stick to your guns.

    While it is a well known etiquette no-no to those of us planing a wedding, I actually get asked this kind of question all the time with my work, where I plan events.  I too am constrained with space limitations, so find it frustrating, but not nearly as frustrating as if I was footing the bill.  I acommodate as much and wherever I can at work, but I am very unlikely to acommodate such a request when we are inevitably asked for our wedding.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3823 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Oh, this is good! I’m favoriting this thread for future issues with RSVPs. We also listed specific people on the invitation and did not blindly hand out +1’s.

    The topic ‘Seeking advice for awkward RSVP question re: bringing a guest’ is closed to new replies.

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