- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
asmith35 : I’m in the same range, # wise. FH and I have never given each other a number – we’re both in our 40’s so really probably don’t want to know. I wouldn’t be surprised if my number is a lot higher than his, but it’d be pure speculation.
Here’s the thing; you aren’t a bar of soap. No matter how many people rubbed up against you, you aren’t going to wear out.
I have certainly made some mistakes, and slept with regrettable people, but I regret them – not because I was ashamed of acting on my desires – but because of some other reason that usually has more to do with said person being a fuckwit.
Ultimately, if you kept yourself safe, were never unfaithful, and wouldn’t cheat on your spouse, you have nothing to be ashamed of. As a fully liberated adult woman, you had every right to sleep with whomever you chose.
Now, it sounds like you may have been a bit precocious; to me, that’s where there might be more cause for concern. Women who start having sex at that age often do so out of a lack of self-regard. If there’s anything to explore further, it might be whatever was at the root of your desire to become sexually active so young. No judgements – I lost my virginity at 15. It wasn’t due to any great yearning for sex on my part, though. It was the only way I understood love was expressed.
It took me a long time to divorce the idea that sex and love are the same. It took me a long time to realize you don’t have to offer one to get the other. Once I had developed healthier ideas about sex, then it became much more pleasurable and empowering.
I think if you feel you might have some difficulty with lingering shame over your sexual past, it might be better to voice those feelings with a therapist. Not because you need to hide your history from your spouse, but to allow you to work through the feelings and guilt and shame you still carry. It might be easier to share with your husband, once you have been able to work through it yourself.
You didn’t to anything wrong. If you have regrets, it might be good for you to probe what part of your history is making you feel guilty about things you had every right to do. It might help you reconcile yourself to your past, realzing it is part of what made you who you are, and the woman your husband loves so much.