(Closed) Seeking Help with Husband

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

This is such a hard situation. It annoys me, though, because even though you’re married, he seems extremely selfish. Yes, he hates his job, but it’s allowing you guys to SURVIVE right now!!! How dare he threaten to quit?! Has he even been looking for something else, since he hates this one so much? Have you guys thought about relocating, since you’re having trouble finding a job and he hates the area? What’s keeping you from applying to jobs elsewhere and moving away?

I’m sorry you’re going through this. What he’s doing is so unfair, though. You’re supposed to be a team and he seems to only worry about himself, from this post.

Post # 4
1279 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

MellowPossum I don’t believe your husband is being selfish, he left his life and moved to another country for you…..so I would give him the benefit of the doubt. You yourself stated he’s miserable here and feels his job is going nowhere …I honestly think that is what’s making him threaten to quit his job…here’s an idea… have you thought of maybe giving the UK a chance? You haven’t had any luck here in the US, maybe you could make the same sacrifice and move back to his country….this is just a suggestion don’t know if it’s an option for you two…but thought I would mention it nonetheless….

How about looking further out in your job search…have you tried the following websites:






No matter what happens I think you really should sit down and have a serious heart to heart with him and find out what eachother needs are. You’re in a very difficult situation….good luck to you both!

Post # 6
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 MellowPossum:  🙁 That’s really very very hard, but I think you’ll be much happier if the two of you stick it out and whether the storm together, that’s what spouses do. I agree with the other poster who pointed out that he did move to the US for you, so clearly he has demonstrated that he isn’t all that selfish. Sometimes we just have a run of hard luck & times get rough and tight. However, it isn’t the good times that build a sturdy marriage, it’s the hard times. Everyone can get along fine when things are going well, but the true test is when things are not going well. No one gets married & knows how to deal with conflict without first encountering it, so that’s where you two are. This is a learning phase just like all of the other scenarios between you.

Can you sell a car? That would help financially. Go back to school for a 2nd degree? There would be more education, or you could train for a different field and take out student loans to lighten the load. Encourage him to look for other jobs or consider training in another field? Take up a trade? Although society puts them on the back burner these days, those are the positions that tend to stick around, all over the place. Be a lifeguard for the summer, do yard work, babysit, petsit, dog walk, offer “mother’s helper services” (for women who’ve just given birth, help them out in the following weeks with infant care/housework/errands, etc.) Do a combination of these things, you might find that you are happier than clocking in at traditional “job” each day.

I get that you have a degree, don’t want a bottom feeder job or minimum wage, but you have to take what you can get or create an opportunity better for yourself. Unfortunately, those are the times we live in since the recession.

Could either or both of you consider joining the military? That’s an instant paycheck, healthcare benefits, housing, career(if you choose to stay in) and a quick way to move away from where you currently live with all the expenses being paid by someone else, in addition to traveling throughout your time in. Google 2013 LES and/or pay charts. The E-1, E-2, are enlisted members, the O-1, O-2 are officers, you can apply to become an officer because you have a college degree.

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