- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2010
Hi, I haven’t posted to the Bee in a while, but I’ve been married for a few years and I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Background: My husband is from another country similar to the US. We met online in and married after dating for a few years (long distance, multiple trips a year). I was unable to obtain a UK visa and couldn’t stand the long distance relationship anymore so my husband moved to the U.S. on a visa over a year ago. I was employed when he arrived, supporting us both. It took him 6 months to find a job, which he currently has. 2 months after he gained employment, I was laid off. I have yet to find a job but I am looking actively and am now considering minimum wage. I have a degree and made an OK starting out salary so minimum wage would definitely be a drop in what I should earn but Im desparate.
My husband is miserable here. He doesn’t like the area that we live in and feels like his job is a waste of time. His job supports us though – by paying our rent, utilities, and 2 car payments (got the cars while we were both employed as we use to work very far from home), and everything else. He keeps threatening to quit his job and although I knew he was serious, today he actually wasn’t planning on going in. He knows that if he doesn’t go in, he will be fired. He did go in, finally, an hour late. The boss didn’t say anything to him as he probably just put it to a schedule mix up – either way, I’m freaking out.
I just don’t know what to do. I’ve searched these threads and a lot of them say ‘he can’t quit his job until he has another one’. I get that – but I’m scared hes just going to quit anyways. I can’t ‘scare’ my husband. He doesn’t ‘listen to me’ like that. SO my question is, what do I do if he does quit?
He is definitely depressed, it is something he has struggled with all his life. We currently do not have insurance so I am unsure how to go about seeking him help and he is reluctant to take the help, if I were to find it.
My initial reaction is that if he quits his job then he needs to go. I think he sees this as me only using him for his job. That isn’t the case. It is just that I don’t want to be with someone so irresponsible that would just leave their position. I hated my old job, so much that it brought me to tears numerous times a week, but I had to keep the job to support us. I’m just thinking about how someone who reacts to stress this way isn’t someone I want to start a family with. I should mention that we have some other issues. He grew up in a nice family with plenty of money between his parents and grandparents. I grew up poor. We had to rely on his folks heavily starting out and he seems to think that we can go back to that if he quits. I for one think they would decline to help and I don’t want to ask anyways, as I don’t see that as a solution. My parents are homeless now, they live with a friend in one room so losing everything is a big reality to me and it’s not like I can rely on my folks. We are in a better position than they are. If he quits and we were to lose our apartment, I have a place I could go and he could probably come too but it would be ‘below his standards’. Am I married to a child? Is it wrong to leave him if he quits his job? Am I not giving his depression enough credit? What do I do?
I should mention that he is at work now and seems okay but this isn’t the first time hes done this and I just can’t handle it continuing to happen.