(Closed) Segregating co-habitating couples?

posted 8 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - The Pearl S. Buck House

huh. I’ve never heard on this one. Our priests just sort of pretended we didn’t say anything when we mentioned co-habitating. I’m curious if the non-co-habitating will be more remedial or if the co-habitating one is more preachy? 

Post # 4
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

We went to cohabitating Pre-Cana (we called it “Sinner’s Pre-Cana”).  The archdiocese in Chicago has regular Pre-Cana, Pre-Cana for older couples or couples who live together, and foreign language Pre-Canas.  Sinner’s Pre-Cana was not preachy at all, and the facilitator mostly focused on the positive aspects of cohabitation.  It was, however, still an incredible waste of time.

Post # 5
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Cohabitating couples just have different needs than non-cohabitating couples.  If you already live together, do you need to discuss how you’ll split up household chores? 

There’s usually “previously married” and “not previously married” (both annulments and widowers/widows), they’ll often have “mixed marriages” and “Catholic marriages”, and you’ll sometimes see “over 40” and “under 40”.  It’s just that different groups have different needs, and they want to group you with people that have the same needs to maximize the benefit of the topics covered.

Post # 7
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@LittleLynx: The Church discourages cohabitation, but it’s not in-itself a sin.  Fornication is a sin, but cohabition is not necessarily.

Post # 8
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

coffeehound hit it on the mark.  the cohabiting pre-cana probably actually covers less information than the normal precana because you don’t have to talk about those things you already deal with daily.

Also, pre-cana was very valuable for us.  Neither of us thought it was a waste of time at all and in fact it was our favorite part of being engaged.  The rest of the time it kinda sucked to be engaged.

Post # 9
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Coffeehound addresses the topic, and is correct, but only to an extent.

“The Church discourages cohabitation, but it’s not in-itself a sin.” —- This is correct only in the sense that nobody, and I mean nobody, knows about it.

Ther reason I say this is that as a Catholic, we are not only responsible for our own sin, but also responsible if we lead others into sin… in their thoughts or actions. This is known as “Sin of scandal”. So if by co-habitating and not having sex, our friends and family think that it is entirely just a living arrangement, then that is fine.  However, if we cause them to think that we are fornicating as a result of living with one another, then that is called sin of scandal.

The Church highly discourages co-habitation due to the fact that we place ourselves in what’s called the “near occassion of sin”.  It is like putting a chocolate lover in a chocolate store and the only thing separating the kid from the chocolate is a door (that does not lock). Eventually with time, the kid is more likely to give in… thus placing himself in the near occassion of sin.

GOD BLESS….

Post # 10
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@RumbleBee: Absolutely right.  Thanks for the clarification. 

 

Post # 11
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@RummbleBee, I was going to state the very same thing.  It was very well said.

Post # 12
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I don’t think its a bad idea.  Granted I think the best marriage preps are the ones where the parish has such an active number of volunteers that they’re able to get enough to simply assign a couple from the parish for couple to couple preparation that is more geared to you as a couple rather than putting you in a room with other couples and generalizing everything.

I had a friend who registered for marriage prep classes before they were engaged.  They went through the program to help discern if they should marry but before they had made any commitment to marry.  I think it served them a lot better than it served us.  My husband and I took the courtship approach and went out of our way to go over a lot of the questions and things that would have been covered in marriage prep.  I don’t think we got much out of our class.  Granted, my 21 year old sister said that she and her now husband got a lot out of their class.

I think though the point is the generally speaking, cohabitating couples have different issues and needs in marriage prep than non cohabitating couples.  I think the reason we didn’t get anything out of marriage prep is that we’d already sort of put ourselves through something similiar before we got married but didn’t get the credit.  Meanwhile my friend who took it before she got engaged, already has the certificate and does not have to go through it again.

Post # 13
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I didn’t read all the posts in this thread, but I was wondering something.  A friend of mine said her priest made her brother and his fiance move back into their parents’ homes as soon as they started planning their wedding.  They had been living together in their own apartment.  Is this common?

Post # 14
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@AudzinLuv- I’m in the beginning stages of this myself… I don’t think that that is a requirement.  It may be recommended (the advice given to us was, “you never want to have any regrets later”), but I think that living apart is only an option.  It seems that they recognize financial hardship. 

@chicagobride- I love that you called it “Sinners Pre-Cana”!  It made me laugh!  Thank you!!!  I’ve had a horrible day regarding this and your comment helped lighten my mood a little.  My FI can express himself in such a black and white way, yet lives in the gray area (we live together for goodness sakes!!).  I’m a little nervous about our FOCCUS survey… we’ve been together for 11 years but religion has always been a sensitive subject…Frown

Post # 15
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@senoritaroll: Don’t be too worried about the FOCCUS survey – it isn’t a religious test (Question 1:  Write the Nicene Creed in Latin.), it’s a compatibility test (“My future spouse an I agree on how we will raise our children”) and religion is only one portion of the test.  Also, you can’t fail.  If the test comes back and says that you’re completely incompatible, the worst thing that will happen is that you will need extra counseling sessions. 

So relax, and don’t worry.  Besides, most of the questions are silly. (“I am comfortable seeing my future spouse naked”, “I am worried that my future spouse is a homosexual”, etc.)

Post # 16
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh, that’s a relief!  Thanks so much for making me feel better!!!  You give the best advice, Coffeehound.  Wink  Well, I can now see why some people say that it’s beneficial.  It may be a waste of time for others, but I think it’s better than no preparation at all.  Kudos to the Catholic church in this regard!  Smile

The topic ‘Segregating co-habitating couples?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors