Selecting witnesses – thoughts

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
10465 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My husband’s brother was one of our witnesses while I asked my best friend instead of my brother. It didn’t even cross my mind to ask family before my friend. I think you are overthinking it.

Post # 3
Member
1785 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

Nope. Don’t ask anyone to be in your wedding that has not supported your relationship, or at least only ever questioned it from a place of love and genuine concern.

There is no place for jealousy and pettiness at your wedding. Choose someone who has supported the two of you from the start, not someone who just jumped on the bandwagon when she saw it leaving without her.

If she asks why you didn’t choose her, be honest with her. Tell her you aren’t comfortable with how she treated your fiance, and want someone who has been supportive from the start.

Post # 4
Member
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

You might be over thinking it. We had siblings sign ours but we are each super close with them. If I wasn’t close with my sister or she treated my fiancé like shit I would have had someone else sign, regardless of if my husband had a sibling sign.

if you’re having a Maid/Matron of Honor have her sign? Or one of your parents?

View original reply
@ vegemitetoast   

Post # 5
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee

What about a supportive aunt? Grandparent? 

Post # 6
Member
2706 posts
Sugar bee

My sister signed for me while my husband had his best friend sign for him (rather than his brother or two sisters). He has a great relationship with them and no one really thought twice about it. 

Choose someone who has supported you consistently and is an important part of your life. 

Post # 7
Member
5035 posts
Bee Keeper

I honestly don’t know a single person who would be sitting there making comparisons between him having his brother and whether or not you have your sister. Pretty much every adult understands that everyone has individual relationships with people. Your relationship with your sister is not equal to his relationship with his brother. People get that. Or at least people who have interacted with other people get that.

Post # 8
Member
1787 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Personally, I’d just ask my sibling. If you’re asking the questions it’s cause you know it’d bother her or look weird to your set. She may not be the relationships best cheerleader, but she’s still your sis and is hopefully your cheerleader in other ways.

Post # 9
Member
47433 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think it would look weird at all.

Post # 10
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
@ vegemitetoast   we had best man and Maid/Matron of Honor sign – dh uncle and my best friend.  

I can’t even tell you who has witnessed any of the weddings I’ve been to – you are definitely overthinking this.  Pick whoever you like.  

Post # 11
Member
9696 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@ vegemitetoast   

Is not asking her a kind of punishment ?  Do you think it will  have repercussions later? Parents etc? 

I don’t think it really matters whether a witness  likes  a groom/bride or not , and nothing  you have said indicates anything worse than not liking. She doesn’t  have to like  him , though of course it woudl be nicer for you if she did 

Do whatever is least likely   to cause issues, and   don’t  stress over it OP. No-one   will notice/care at the time of signing anyway. Best man and chief bridemaid are common co-signers in the UK at least .

Post # 12
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

As a wedding guest, it wouldn’t cross my mind what the relationships between the couple and the witnesses are, I’d be surprised if many people noticed. I’d second the suggestion of just having the Maid/Matron of Honor as the witness. We had my Maid/Matron of Honor and my husband’s best woman 

Post # 14
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

We asked my husband’s brother (his best man) and his brother’s fiancée. I didn’t even consider my brother as an option. I did consider my maid of honour but it felt like a nice way to include future sister in law.

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