Post # 1
Hi everyone! Just wanted a bit of advice, with regard to selecting witnesses for our marriage certificate.
My fiancé and I only have one sibling, each. Naturally, he wishes to have his younger brother sign. However, I’m a bit stuck on who I’d like to have as my witness.
While I would love for my sister to sign, she hasn’t always been supportive of our relationship and only really seemed to try to act supportive after she realised that my fiancé would become family. She had no issue making him feel unwelcome at family events, would make snide remarks about him, and made no effort to keep her thoughts about him to herself. This has gone on for the whole time we’ve been together
My family agrees that her views do come from a place of jealousy rather than genuine concern for me, so I feel uncomfortable asking her to sign for a union that she doesn’t believe should be taking place. But I can understand that it would also look weird for my fiancé’s brother to sign, and my sister to be present at the wedding and not be involved.
Any advice on how to proceed would be so helpful. In an ideal world, I’d ask her, but I feel like I’d be doing so just to keep the peace.
Post # 2
My husband’s brother was one of our witnesses while I asked my best friend instead of my brother. It didn’t even cross my mind to ask family before my friend. I think you are overthinking it.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
Nope. Don’t ask anyone to be in your wedding that has not supported your relationship, or at least only ever questioned it from a place of love and genuine concern.
There is no place for jealousy and pettiness at your wedding. Choose someone who has supported the two of you from the start, not someone who just jumped on the bandwagon when she saw it leaving without her.
If she asks why you didn’t choose her, be honest with her. Tell her you aren’t comfortable with how she treated your fiance, and want someone who has been supportive from the start.
Post # 4
You might be over thinking it. We had siblings sign ours but we are each super close with them. If I wasn’t close with my sister or she treated my fiancé like shit I would have had someone else sign, regardless of if my husband had a sibling sign.
if you’re having a Maid/Matron of Honor have her sign? Or one of your parents?
Post # 5
What about a supportive aunt? Grandparent?
Post # 6
My sister signed for me while my husband had his best friend sign for him (rather than his brother or two sisters). He has a great relationship with them and no one really thought twice about it.
Choose someone who has supported you consistently and is an important part of your life.
Post # 7
I honestly don’t know a single person who would be sitting there making comparisons between him having his brother and whether or not you have your sister. Pretty much every adult understands that everyone has individual relationships with people. Your relationship with your sister is not equal to his relationship with his brother. People get that. Or at least people who have interacted with other people get that.
Post # 8
Personally, I’d just ask my sibling. If you’re asking the questions it’s cause you know it’d bother her or look weird to your set. She may not be the relationships best cheerleader, but she’s still your sis and is hopefully your cheerleader in other ways.
Post # 9
I don’t think it would look weird at all.
Post # 10
we had best man and Maid/Matron of Honor sign – dh uncle and my best friend.
I can’t even tell you who has witnessed any of the weddings I’ve been to – you are definitely overthinking this. Pick whoever you like.
Post # 11
Is not asking her a kind of punishment ? Do you think it will have repercussions later? Parents etc?
I don’t think it really matters whether a witness likes a groom/bride or not , and nothing you have said indicates anything worse than not liking. She doesn’t have to like him , though of course it woudl be nicer for you if she did
Do whatever is least likely to cause issues, and don’t stress over it OP. No-one will notice/care at the time of signing anyway. Best man and chief bridemaid are common co-signers in the UK at least .
Post # 12
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
As a wedding guest, it wouldn’t cross my mind what the relationships between the couple and the witnesses are, I’d be surprised if many people noticed. I’d second the suggestion of just having the Maid/Matron of Honor as the witness. We had my Maid/Matron of Honor and my husband’s best woman
Post # 13
Thanks, everyone. We have totally decided to forego a bridal party, therefore there will be no best man or maid / matron of honour.
My sister is very much a tit for tat person, and is expecting to be asked to sign the register for us as I signed hers. It makes things more difficult, considering her behaviour. If no one will notice though, I may select someone else. In all honesty, I fear more drama breaking out.
Post # 14
We asked my husband’s brother (his best man) and his brother’s fiancée. I didn’t even consider my brother as an option. I did consider my maid of honour but it felt like a nice way to include future sister in law.