- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2017
She’s definitely out of line. It seems like you’ve been doing your best to do things right for her. I would personally question whether she even wants to be a bridesmaid or felt obligated to.
I’m actually stuck on the birthday you share with your recently deceased father confrontation. That’s just horrible, no two ways about it.
The dress shop, eh. Lots of people have no clue, so while it was rude and no doubt would annoy anyone, the real issue here is shown better in the earlier row.
I couldn’t forget this. It’s so unbelievable selfish and hurtful. She obviously has issues she’s struggling with, but that doesn’t mean she gets to hurt the people who love her like that. She’s not capable right now of being a decent friend. Don’t be manipulated by her inability to take feedback.
If she tries something like that again, tell her you don’t like how you’re feeling about the timing or the way she’s speaking to you and take a time out. You don’t need to let someone hurt you like that just because she’s hurting too. That doesn’t make it okay.
If she didn;t want to go watch you try on dresses because it’s “boring” as someone here suggested then she shouldn’t have come end of story.
You asked.. she could have said no if this was such a pain in her ass..but she didn’t instead she came and acted like a total brat and sorry a little nuts too.. she is not engaged why is she trying on dresses.. at someone else’s appointment.
Honestly involve her in minimal things going forward.
TBH, she sounds very selfish and immature. In my experience, a lot of people with depression issues end up exhibiting behavior like this if they’ve been catered to in the past by family, friends, partners, etc. It sounds like you care about her and want to just make it through all of this nonsense, so I would do your best to keep her mental health in mind. If you can avoid conflict by tactfully handling how you deal with her that’ll probably be best. You SHOULD be able to just express how you’re feeling, but it sounds like that will create more uneeded drama.
The only other thing I question is why ask her to let you know if there’s any trouble moving forward in “keeping up?” Does she live locally to your venue? Will she need to pay for transportation or accommodations? Has she already committed to co-hosting a shower?
Any involvement in pre-wedding events is optional and not really your place to address even if there was an issue. Her only real obligation to you at this point is to show up to the wedding.
Hopefully there won’t be any more problems. Good luck!
In terms of the earlier argument I think everyone and you are right. Perhaps she didn’t know the costs involved and she jumped into the deep end and started to freak out once I started communicating the costs and she realised? That being said I also agree that it doesn’t justify the delayed reaction and all that. It definitely could have been handled better and for sure not on that particular week. Moving forward and hoping for smoother sails ahead. 🙂
Thanks for all the advice I feel so much better!
“I honestly don’t see what she’s done that’s so wrong. It’s really not very exciting to spend a couple hours watching someone else try on dresses and I don’t blame anyone for asking if they can try on some fancy clothes too…”
There’s an attitude on Bee that anything related to your wedding should be met with derision, eyerolls and boredom by your friends. I have never felt this or know anyone who feels this way. I would find it exciting to help a friend find her bridal dress. If you can’t sit still and watch a friend try on dresses and be happy for her, that evinces a real lack of maturity. No you shouldn’t ask to try on dresses yourself and I would definitely blame anyone who did. Take a seat.
Of course there are limits and I also see the opposite on here: brides who think their bridesmaids ARE maids and should provide them with free labor or spend exorbitant amounts of time and money on their wedding activities. I would probably help a friend with some wedding chores if she asked, but frankly I would be surprised if anyone asked. Maybe because I’m older, but I expect the bride to hire a professional and pay for any services that actually involve more than a nominal amount of work and time. The bridesmaids should only be invovled in fun activities, and I would consider wedding gown shopping to be fun if it did not go on all day (of course, it would involve mimosas and lunch afterwards).
I agree with the above post and i took them out for a late lunch after to show my thanks and gratitude. Good to know I’m on the right track!
Thank you to everyone for taking the time out to send me some much needed advice and perspective on the situation. I do feel much better and hope I’m strong enough to implement it all if the need arises-I also hope the need won’t arise! This was my first experience using this website and posting and it has been lovely! I am closing the post now as I feel all the issues have been sufficiently addressed and there is not much more left to say
Thank you once again all my fellow bees! I look foward to joining the hive community
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