(Closed) Self centred bridesmaid or over thinking bride?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

She’s definitely out of line. It seems like you’ve been doing your best to do things right for her. I would personally question whether she even wants to be a bridesmaid or felt obligated to.

Post # 18
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m actually stuck on the birthday you share with your recently deceased father confrontation. That’s just horrible, no two ways about it. 

The dress shop, eh. Lots of people have no clue, so while it was rude and no doubt would annoy anyone, the real issue here is shown better in the earlier row. 

I couldn’t forget this. It’s so unbelievable selfish and hurtful. She obviously has issues she’s struggling with, but that doesn’t mean she gets to hurt the people who love her like that. She’s not capable right now of being a decent friend. Don’t be manipulated by her inability to take feedback. 

If she tries something like that again, tell her you don’t like how you’re feeling about the timing or the way she’s speaking to you and take a time out. You don’t need to let someone hurt you like that just because she’s hurting too. That doesn’t make it okay.

Post # 19
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

If she didn;t want to go watch you try on dresses because it’s “boring” as someone here suggested then she shouldn’t have come end of story.

You asked.. she could have said no if this was such a pain in her ass..but she didn’t instead she came and acted like a total brat and sorry a little nuts too.. she is not engaged why is she trying on dresses.. at someone else’s appointment.

Honestly involve her in minimal things going forward.

Post # 20
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

TBH, she sounds very selfish and immature. In my experience, a lot of people with depression issues end up exhibiting behavior like this if they’ve been catered to in the past by family, friends, partners, etc. It sounds like you care about her and want to just make it through all of this nonsense, so I would do your best to keep her mental health in mind. If you can avoid conflict by tactfully handling how you deal with her that’ll probably be best. You SHOULD be able to just express how you’re feeling, but it sounds like that will create more uneeded drama.

Post # 21
Member
13647 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
nkwilson :    If you advised on all the costs involved , you’re right that the time for her to have spoken up about the price of alterations was back then. Is it possible she had no idea how expensive these can be? Still absolutely no excuse for her getting obnoxious about it. 

The only other thing I question is why ask her to let you know if there’s any trouble moving forward in “keeping up?” Does she live locally to your venue? Will she need to pay for transportation or accommodations? Has she already committed to co-hosting a shower? 

Any involvement in pre-wedding events is optional and not really your place to address even if there was an issue. Her only real obligation to you at this point is to show up to the wedding. 

Hopefully there won’t be any more problems. Good luck! 

Post # 23
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“I honestly don’t see what she’s done that’s so wrong. It’s really not very exciting to spend a couple hours watching someone else try on dresses and I don’t blame anyone for asking if they can try on some fancy clothes too…”

There’s an attitude on Bee that anything related to your wedding should be met with derision, eyerolls and boredom by your friends. I have never felt this or know anyone who feels this way. I would find it exciting to help a friend find her bridal dress. If you can’t sit still and watch a friend try on dresses and be happy for her, that evinces a real lack of maturity. No you shouldn’t ask to try on dresses yourself and I would definitely blame anyone who did. Take a seat.

Of course there are limits and I also see the opposite on here: brides who think their bridesmaids ARE maids and should provide them with free labor or spend exorbitant amounts of time and money on their wedding activities. I would probably help a friend with some wedding chores if she asked, but frankly I would be surprised if anyone asked. Maybe because I’m older, but I expect the bride to hire a professional and pay for any services that actually involve more than a nominal amount of work and time. The bridesmaids should only be invovled in fun activities, and I would consider wedding gown shopping to be fun if it did not go on all day (of course, it would involve mimosas and lunch afterwards).

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