(Closed) Self-induced pressure to have children

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

nedville:  I put pressure on myself to have kids. My older brother is only 15 months older than me, but my mom is 66 and my dad is 78 (I’m 31). I know the odds my brother will ever have kids is close to non-existent. I wasn’t even sure I wanted kids, I’m not one of those people who always knew they wanted to be a parent.

I still took my time to come around to the idea. I also didn’t want to have kids for everyone else when I myself wasn’t sure it was something I really wanted, or was ready. I lived my life, and planned two futurE’s for myself, because I didn’t want to assume I would never want kids, and I didn’t want to assume I would ever wants kids. I did talk to my parents because I didn’t want to disappoint them, and they were really great. They agreed when the time was right for me I’d be able to see more clearly if kids would fit into my life. This is important because, we’re not that close and open, so I was expecting them to be really disappointed. Of course they wantEd Grandchildren, but it’s not the kind of thing they wanted to force on me either.

It’s a tough spot. I found myself trying to make the decision more on emotion than objectively. Talk to your FH, see what his expectations for family are (mine was ready to go any time lol), talk to your parents. It was super important to me that my kids know my dad and so I felt that time pressure because of his age, but Darling Husband and I have been together 9 years, and we managed to put the pressure aside and wait til all of the pieces wee in place for us! good luck, I know it’s a tough spot to be in!

Post # 3
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I always wanted kids. The only pressure I felt was when I was getting older and started to fear I would not have them due to age-related infertility.

Not much you can do about the age differences. My dad was the youngest of six and had kids in his late 30s. Consequently, all of our cousins were grown when we were kids. Just the way it is. I became close to a couple of them and remain close to this day.  They started having kids and their kids were too young to be our buddies.

Neither of my parents lived to see their grandchildren.

I would have kids when you want. You can’t make everyone happy. So much goes into the decision of deciding now is the time that I would stop worrying about this.

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