(Closed) Self-invited guest with a ridiculous request … help! (long)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

NO tents! lol just say that the people who own the property said no.

Suggest that he doesn’t drink too much. I’m sure there will be lots of people at the same hotel, maybe he can carpool back with someone who didn’t drink?


The tents thing is really funny! Did this guy just hear that weddings are great places for free alchohol? what a mooch.

Post # 4
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yeah, tell him the venue people said no, it’s a fire hazzard (hey, it probably is!). Then tell him that you’re sure a responsible adult such as himself is capable of arranging for a cab, and if not you will have the bartender arrange one. Also give the bartender a heads up, he has the right to cut him off whenever you want.

Post # 5
3775 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I would just uninvite him.  This guy seems like a pain.  If it were me I would just tell him that he is making inappropriate requests and I don’t need this stress so stay home and drink on your own dime.

Post # 6
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I would tell him no tents and then just give the bar tender a heads up on his description and permission to cut him off (and anyone else) off if he’s drinking too much. I would communicate the no tents together with information on a nearby hotel and number for a local cab company for his ease. At this point, it seems too late to recind his invite and maybe his date will at least keep him in line.

Post # 7
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Okay, well a couple of things. First, I totally sympathize. I agree, your wedding is not a kegger and a lot of people look at weddings as the ultimate excuse to get hammered and act like jerks which is not cool in my books. I’m glad you told him that he can’t stay in a tent on site, that’s ridiculous. I know some friends of ours wanted to do that at our wedding and it was a huge NO there too. Why do people think that’s okay?! And for the record, you’re far more forgiving about the plus one than I would have been! LOL!

So the other part of this is that you can’t control how much this guy drinks. Other people are responsible for their decisions and that is totally out of your hands. If you say anything along the lines of “You can’t drink” then you’re going to sound like a bit of a mom/bridezilla, so I wouldn’t even go there. If he arranges another guest to act as Dirty Delete for himself and his date, the rest is none of your beeswax.

This is now a question of what can you do to improve the situation… First, I would call him and tell him you hadn’t heard back if he had found accommodations, so you wanted a firm yes or no RSVP since you wanted your guests who are drinking to be responsible and not be tempted to drive home. I would also be slightly sneaky and somehow sneak into the conversation that it’s a cop who’s doing the bartender as a subtle warming/heads up. You could do drink tickets since your crowd isn’t a big drinking crowd so it doesn’t sound like anyone is going to take offense. It could also be that if no one else is getting carried away, that he’ll keep himself in check. A lot of people go along with the mentality of the crowd. Lastly, I would give your bartender the heads up. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that and I think it would give you some peace of mind to delegate the issue to the person who’s serving the drinks. After all, anyone who’s been trained to serve should not be serving anyone who’s already had too much.

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