Post # 1
An old friend from university invited himself to my wedding and I know I should have found a way to say ‘no’, but I was under pressure and I did share a house with him in Uni, so I said ‘okay’ as we are not too tight with numbers. He has since RSVP’d by email with a plus one – a girl he has been dating for 2 weeks, and could not even tell me how to spell her last name! The best part though is he asked if he could pitch a tent at the reception site so he and his miss could both ‘get pissed’ and not have to worry about how they were getting home. I know our wedding is very laid back (we are getting married in a cornfield and having our reception in the barn) but seriously?! The people lending us their property are doing it as a huge favour and they still live in a house on the property quite close to the barn! And this is a wedding, not a kegger …
Can you just imagine when people show up to the ceremony: “over here is where you will be seated, and to your left is the barn where the reception will be, and just to your right – yep … that’s Mike crawling out of his tent” AHHHH
This is the sole reason I did not want alcohol at the wedding. I am not averse to drinking occasionally, but I cannot stand people that think a wedding is simply an excuse to get drunk! I do not want to be responsible for people getting home just because they cannot resist the temptation to drink, or that they cannot make an adult decision to ask their SO to drive. That probably sounds quite selfish, and we ‘should’ provide transportation home as the barn is in the middle of nowhere on a dirt road – but I just do not want to encourage drunkenness at my reception! The majority of my family does not drink, and there are one or two people that I am worried about needing a ride home. I am not going to be drinking because I want to know that I can leave whenever I want, and be able to drive us both back to the hotel and not have to rely on someone else! Neither of us are big drinkers, (we’re not against it, it’s just not our thing) and so it was not important to us to have alcohol at the wedding. Both of our parents thought it would be rude not to have alcohol though, so we have already ordered wine, beer, champagne, and a few bottles of spirits, and will be having an open bar.
I do not want him drinking at the wedding at all though, as he cannot hold his alcohol well! I don’t even know who I am going to sit him with?! I’ve told him that he cannot camp out at our reception site as the owners are still living on the property and they are doing this as a huge favour (friends of friends). I asked if he needed more suggestions of where to stay for the night, but it has been over a week and I still have not heard back from him at all.
What on earth would you do in this situation? Find a polite way to ‘un-invite him’? Re-emphasize that he will not be able to get to any hotel without driving and suggest/encourage/demand(!?) that he not drink? Tell him we looked at the numbers again and it is too tight for him to bring a +1, and hope this discourages him from coming at all. Tell our bartender (a friend of the family’s who is a police officer) to only allow him one or two drinks? Make drink tickets for everyone? Ahh!
I need some help bees!! The wedding is less than a month away and he just invited himself/RSVP’d last week. He is a very nice guy and I hate the thought of hurting his feelings – but I’m pulling my hair out here! Am I just overreacting?
Post # 3
NO tents! lol just say that the people who own the property said no.
Suggest that he doesn’t drink too much. I’m sure there will be lots of people at the same hotel, maybe he can carpool back with someone who didn’t drink?
The tents thing is really funny! Did this guy just hear that weddings are great places for free alchohol? what a mooch.
Post # 4
Yeah, tell him the venue people said no, it’s a fire hazzard (hey, it probably is!). Then tell him that you’re sure a responsible adult such as himself is capable of arranging for a cab, and if not you will have the bartender arrange one. Also give the bartender a heads up, he has the right to cut him off whenever you want.
Post # 5
I would just uninvite him. This guy seems like a pain. If it were me I would just tell him that he is making inappropriate requests and I don’t need this stress so stay home and drink on your own dime.
Post # 6
I would tell him no tents and then just give the bar tender a heads up on his description and permission to cut him off (and anyone else) off if he’s drinking too much. I would communicate the no tents together with information on a nearby hotel and number for a local cab company for his ease. At this point, it seems too late to recind his invite and maybe his date will at least keep him in line.
Post # 7
Okay, well a couple of things. First, I totally sympathize. I agree, your wedding is not a kegger and a lot of people look at weddings as the ultimate excuse to get hammered and act like jerks which is not cool in my books. I’m glad you told him that he can’t stay in a tent on site, that’s ridiculous. I know some friends of ours wanted to do that at our wedding and it was a huge NO there too. Why do people think that’s okay?! And for the record, you’re far more forgiving about the plus one than I would have been! LOL!
So the other part of this is that you can’t control how much this guy drinks. Other people are responsible for their decisions and that is totally out of your hands. If you say anything along the lines of “You can’t drink” then you’re going to sound like a bit of a mom/bridezilla, so I wouldn’t even go there. If he arranges another guest to act as Dirty Delete for himself and his date, the rest is none of your beeswax.
This is now a question of what can you do to improve the situation… First, I would call him and tell him you hadn’t heard back if he had found accommodations, so you wanted a firm yes or no RSVP since you wanted your guests who are drinking to be responsible and not be tempted to drive home. I would also be slightly sneaky and somehow sneak into the conversation that it’s a cop who’s doing the bartender as a subtle warming/heads up. You could do drink tickets since your crowd isn’t a big drinking crowd so it doesn’t sound like anyone is going to take offense. It could also be that if no one else is getting carried away, that he’ll keep himself in check. A lot of people go along with the mentality of the crowd. Lastly, I would give your bartender the heads up. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that and I think it would give you some peace of mind to delegate the issue to the person who’s serving the drinks. After all, anyone who’s been trained to serve should not be serving anyone who’s already had too much.
Post # 8
Thank you ALL so much for your suggestions and sympathy!
Trust me, the plus one is definitely an issue – but I was so struck with the ridiculous tent request I kind of let the date issue slide!
Definitely a good idea to speak to the bartender though! He is a good friend of my father’s, so it will not be a problem at all to get him to keep an eye on the situation.
The problem lies with cabs and hotels. As the barn is literally in the middle of nowhere, there isn’t a single cab company willing to come out there (especially on a Sat night when they have plenty of business in town already). I didn’t think this would be a huge issue as there is hardly anyone going to be drinking anyway. None of the hotels are within walking distance, and most of the guests are local so they will be going back to their own homes anyway (i.e. no car pooling to one hotel).
I’ve told him I feel bad that I cannot offer him a place to stay or a ride home if he drinks – and that I would totally understand if he couldn’t come (cheeky, I know). It’s true though – attending an out of town wedding does cost a boat load and I know he does not have a ton of money. I have also told him that the bartender is under instruction not to let anyone drink too much, so he wouldn’t be missing too much of a party anyway!
I’m hoping I’ve nipped this one in the bud, but I guess we’ll wait and see!
Thanks again guys!! 😀