(Closed) Selfish?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

A whole month is too long, especially when she has never met you before. Could he possibly help her with a room somewhere close for at least the first week, so you could get to know each other? I think that is asking a lot of you, and I don’t think you are selfish at all. 

There are way too many what if’s involved for me to be comfortable with this, and I’m not even an introverted person

Post # 4
Member
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

A month??

 

Sheesh, I know and love my MIL- but no way would I have her in my house for a MONTH! I do not think you are being unreasonable here….

Post # 5
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@JoandJade:  Does your Future Mother-In-Law approve of your marriage? It sounds like she may be skipping out on the wedding for a reason.

Post # 6
Member
869 posts
Busy bee

Although I wouldn’t be excited about this, I’d probably suck it up.  I’d take it as an opportunity to get to know your new family.  Your Fiance hasn’t seen her in 7 YEARS?!?!  I think he deserves time with his mom.  A marriage is about give and take.  Give him this.

Post # 7
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m going to put out another perspective. I would say let them stay.

I am from an international country and move to alot of countries for work. In every place I have stayed, my parents have come to stay with me for a month to two to travel and visit me. It is really expensive  for them to come and I rarely see them, only once every two years. I expect my fiance to understand and let them stay, especially when I never see them.

At the end of the day they will be family. Also, from the perspective of a person away from parents for so long and hardly get to see them, it means alot to have the person stay for a month.

Anyway I’ve let my mother in law to be stay with me and fiance in a one bedroom for 6 mths…I was driven crazy at the end of it..she needed some help before she moved out..but she was family. So in that perspective a month is okay =)

Post # 8
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Normally I would say no to someone staying one month. But its not under normal circumstances. He hasn’t seen them in seven years!!! I think they would want to spend as much together, since she lives so far away so you probably won’t get to know or see her that often. I would take advantage of this time to get to know her. I would make sure you take time for yourself. If need be take a weekend trip or go away for a few days if you need your space. Also depending on their culture it could be rude to put them up at hotel. Again if they lived a state away or close to you guys I would say tough shit. But in your circumstances I wouldn’t make a fuss, plus think about how happy and excited your fi will be after not seeing her and his brother for so long. I think in this case it is best to just suck it up.

Post # 9
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yes, I consider you are being selfish. If something that will last only a month is so stressful for you, I can’t imagine how you will work out important issues that come with marriage.

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Isa:  Wow, that is incredibly harsh – her not being thrilled about having someone who is currently a stranger living with her for a month doesn’t say anything about her marriage!

 

I totally get your feelings on this one, OP….that said, I really think you’re going to have to let it go because it has been such a long time since he has seen her. I can’t imagine not seeing my mom for seven years, and if I was in your FI’s situation I’d feel kinda hesitant about how you would feel, but I know I’d want to see my mom so badly and would appreciate it so much if you were gracious and welcoming in regards to the visit. A month is a long visit, but nothing compared to the lifetime you two will be spending together…I would just roll with it for this one month to make him happy. But I would make sure to set some ground rules first, it is still your home. But I bet he’ll be a lot more willing to set those ground rules, stick by them, and be there for you if any situations arise to make you uncomfortable while his mom is there if you can just be cool about her coming to visit.

Post # 11
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Considering the possibilty of telling my mom, (that I have not seen in 7 years) that she can not stay at our home ( I suppose it will be his home too) because my wife is a very self contained and introvert person and a one month stay of strangers can be too stressful for her to handle…..not that is what I consider harsh Courtney 1188

Post # 12
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

now that is what I consider harsh.

Post # 13
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Do you work in the daytime? Do you have a plan for day-to-day activities?  Will you be expected to cook for her every night?  Do her laundry? I think it could be doable, but you should figure out the boundaries and ground rules before she gets there. 

Post # 14
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Isa:  I already said that I think she should be nice about letting his mom stay. But saying that her initial reaction being not thrilled and kinda uncomfortable about it says absolutely nothing about her marriage. The OP has done nothing to deserve the nastiness you for seem reason seem set on dishing out. This is only the second thread you’ve posted on, and in both threads you’ve basically told the OP that she is being horrible, and then you question her marriage. Not what I’d consider the best way to introduce yourself to the community here.

Post # 15
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

 Courtney1188

First I was harsh now I’m nasty, you can sugar coat it all you want but it is very clear that she doesn’t want them in her house.

Post # 16
Member
2603 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I get it–I’m a pretty introverted, private person who likes her space, too. But I think that for the sake of your Fiance and hte fact he hasn’t seen his mom in 7 years, you should give in. Hey, you might even LIKE her! 

 

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