(Closed) Selfish financial thoughts- please help ground me.

posted 4 years ago in Finances
Post # 46
919 posts
Busy bee

I’d just be worried because he’s proven time and time again that he can’t stick to anything. And for someone who is 32, that’s not exactly the best quality. Everyone makes their own decisions, but personally for me, I likely never would have started dating someone who is at the age where they’ve figured out there life and are working well towards it. It just doesn’t set well for the future. Personally, based on your other posts, it seems highly unlikely that he’ll stick with this. It will get difficult and he’ll question it all over again, and that help and assistance (and heavy load of financial pressure will be for nothing). Don’t you want to get married and have a wedding? What about kids and a house, or trips and travels? He’s given you every sign that those things are going to be difficult to do with his lack of awareness. I’m going to disagree with other posters-I’m sorry, but yes, you should have your life way more together than this at 32. 

Post # 48
10373 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

How much does he know about radiology? Does he have any idea what the day to day job entails? How did he come to decide this is what he wanted to do and that it would make him happy?

Post # 49
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I dont think you should get married until he gets his shit together. Youre still very young and shouldnt be expected to support a man in his thirties. 

Post # 50
4230 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
smstevenson64 :  She has posted pretty much weekly for the past 3 months about issues in the relationship.  That is where I am coming from.  Any time I recognize the username and/or avatar, I tend to go back to look at prior posts to remind myself of which user they are.

View original reply
mingogo4 :  Ok, but what about the other issues you’ve had in the relationship?  With his flakiness and uncertainty and saying “money isn’t an issue”, I would insist that he shadows a radiologist before going into school for it.  He needs to know before he signs up for classes that this is actually what he is looking for.

I will close with this — money is a primary reason for divorce across the board, because people go into marriages thinking that love will sustain the relationship and it will be fine.  You say that you don’t care about your future husband’s earning potential, but this entire post is about being concerned about his financial contributions.  Financial concerns are legitimate and they do NOT make you a bad person.  You are watching out for your future, which you should do.  I still stand by the fact that there are a lot of unresolved issues in this relationship and getting married right now would not be the best idea.

Post # 51
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
mingogo4 :  ugh, I get it. I won’t ramble about my situation, but it’s similar. I think you sort of have to “grieve” and work past the disappointment. Then, look ahead and realize that in the long term, this will make both of you better off. Rejoice in the fact that you’re now done with school! Finances aside, it means more relaxation and the constant feeling of needing to do something should go away.

I probably should have asked this first, but is he definitely serious about the program? Don’t stress about nothing! Also, help him get informed about his actual job prospects and the day to day realities of the job. I’m absolutely not saying to discourage him, but you want to make sure that for the sake of both of you this is truly the right move.

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