(Closed) Selfish friend.. is it worth the effort or am I overreacting? (long)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

To be honest, I don’t think talking to her would make any difference. I think it would give her something else to bitch about.

Excuse me if I’m assuming things, but she sounds just like a ‘friend’ I know. Especially with the lift things.

I agree with your SO, give her a lift this time, but remember it for the future. I used to give this girl a lift all the time with promises of petrol money, now I refuse to do so without the money first, or I just don’t give her a lift.

This probably sounds a bit harsh, but I’ve given her about $200 worth of lifts, and she just expects it, which is what makes me so angry. And yeah, if she doesn’t want to do it, it’s not cool.

Good luck!

Post # 4
9032 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

In you first paragraph you say she is a selfish person and constantly asks for favours but you seem suprised by her behaviour. this is known behaviour to you.

I don’t really think you can blame her for the problems because in all honesty it is you that is creatign this problem. By continually allowing her to get away witht his behaviour you are validating it. I mean the more she gets away with it the more she will do it.

Whilst I don’t think she is much of friend I also personally don’t think coming onto an forum to complain about a so called friend is what a friend would do.

If you value her friendship or even want to continue it you need to talk to her about how her behaviour makes you feel.

Post # 7
9032 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@blueskye:  I would just slowly withdraw my friendship bit by bit- say you are unavailable for one on ones and just see her in the social group setting.

Sounds like everyone is enabling her which really you should all stop doing!

Post # 8
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you need to drive her to the airport, and then start distancing yourself from her big time. Her behavior and selfish pesonality are known, she takes advantage of you a lot.. don’t allow yourself to become used by her. She probably wants a friendship with you when its convenient because those are the times when she needs something and she knows she can get you to agree to do her favors. You agreed to the airport ride so as much as you don’t want to, you already committed. But after that, you need to start getting some space from her. 

Post # 9
1456 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

She sounds like a shitty friend and I would either not drive her to the airport, or ask for $20 in gas money.

Post # 10
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with PPs, drive her to the airport & ask for the gas money. Then from now on distance yourself from her. I would also draw clear boundaries from now on with her.

I agree with the PP who said that you’re enabling it. She probably has no clue she’s being rude or that what she’s doing is bothering you so how would she know to stop?

I guess in some ways you could say I was this friend of yours. I had a friend years ago that would hold everything in, and then at one point when she had had enough she blew up on me and told me everything that I had done wrong. If I had known that the the things I did bothered her at the time I would probably have changed my behaviour but since she decided to pick on things from 6 months before there was nothing for me to do but apologize.

Post # 11
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Tell her you need the money for the gas to the airport, or you won’t be able to take her.  Then stop doing her favors.  She’s not a friend, she’s a user.  

Post # 12
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I had a friend like this once… She made everything about her, we only did things she wanted to do and she completely fell off the face of the earth at certain points until she needed me to give the same advice over and over about what a douche her Boyfriend or Best Friend was and how she needed to leave him. I finally had enough and discontinued making the effort I always had. When she questioned why, I was honest. I said that I was tired of being the only one making the effort in the friendship and essentially being the only one keeping it going. I told her I didn’t have any interest in continuing our friendship, I essentially broke up with her, lol. I haven’t had the tiniest bit of regret since. It felt good to respect myself enough to end a friendship that made me feel like crap (why do that to ourselves??). Just something to think about 🙂 Goodluck.

Post # 14
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

She doesn’t sound like a friend to me. She’s somebody that uses people and couldn’t care less about anyone elses needs. I know someone like that — she’s so into herself that she thinks everyone’s priveledged just to be around her. 

Let her go. Do this one last favor and ignore her after. She’s shown her true colors. If you confront her, she’ll likely make YOU out to be the bad guy. I bet she’s completely oblivious of her actions and you don’t need that kind of drama.

Save yourself grief and avoid her.

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