Selfish in the bedroom?

posted 11 months ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Too Much Information alert coming :I personally can’t finish without him taking a trip down to Meow Meow Town… & that’s also the only way that i know of for me to be ready enough for actuallllll sex. I don’t use/allow toys or fingies in there, bad experience with both, so it’s meow town for him or nothing lol.

Luckily ive been weirdly lucky in all my relationships to date guys that actually enjoy doing that. He’ll even do it when we’re NOT gonna do sex (due to time constraints, I’m tired, hes too tired etc.)

I’d say i “reciprocate” a bit less, but that’s bc we usually do actual sex for him to finish. More often ill do that for him when i reeeeally don’t wanna do ANYTHING at all, like when I’m Too Much Information,  on my period & i just feel gross. He actually has zero problem doing stuff during that time, its just sometimes you don’t want ANYTHING, ya know?

Hopefully any of this was useful lol.

 

Post # 3
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee

Letitbee1 :  it’s never okay to be selfish in the bedroom. If someone loves you then they won’t deprive you of orgasms. 

Post # 4
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee

Letitbee1 :   I think you should both put the pleasure of the other first.

If it’s feeling out of balance… That’s not good. But people are very sensitive about sexual critiques. I think if you use positive en couragement/feedback and direct instructions that’s all you really need. Communicate. 

Post # 5
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

It should balance out in the long run but doesn’t have to be exactly equal every single time, in my life. Maybe in the morning, we might have time for a quickie/oral/handjob but not enough time to get me off, but in the evening I’ll get to come 3-4 times. Each specific experience could be labeled “selfish” but in the end it works out to be about equal. Our favorite positions are different, but we switch it up so that both of us get the opportunity to have a favorite fairly regularly. (Also, remember, you can use more than one position during a penetrative session!) Both of us want to enjoy each other – that’s the whole point of sex! – and to make each other happy in general, so we both strive to be generous. I previously dated someone who never wanted to orgasm, he just wanted to be basically “used,” but that was really hot and wonderful for him so I never felt bad about it.

As long as everyone involved is happy with it, it’s ok. 

awholenewbee2019 :  Too Much Information alert coming :I personally can’t finish without him taking a trip down to Meow Meow Town… & that’s also the only way that i know of for me to be ready enough for actuallllll sex. I don’t use/allow toys or fingies in there, bad experience with both, so it’s meow town for him or nothing lol.

I have literally no idea what you mean. Is this a kind of toy or a position? Or is he eating your pussy? I’m confused. But hey, if it works, mazel!

Post # 6
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

My SO refuses to finish until I have, sometimes more than once. He is very in tune with my body and what I like. That said, I wouldn’t mind if there were times where he got off and I didn’t, as long as it wasn’t all the time. We usually switch between 3-5 different positions so that we each get some of what we like, unless it’s a quickie in which case we stick to good ol’ missionary. He loves oral but it’s give or take for me, so I’m mindful of making sure I fulfill that need for him regularly, but he doesn’t pressure me to do it every time.

Communication is key. Like PPs said, if something feels off-balance or one of you is feeling unfulfilled, you should talk about it honestly and without judgement or defense.

Post # 8
Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

i wouldnt say either of us are selfish, but there have been a few times where he will get off and i wont. It doesnt truly bug me tbh. I really only get off in one position and one position only, so if we skip it im not going to O no matter what else we do.. 

now being full blown pregnant, sex tends to be a lot different, i do it for him, not really for me. Ive hit the uncomfortable with everything stage, so sex does nothing for me currently. 

Post # 9
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, I see nothing wrong in either party being a little selfish once in a while. There are times where I want to just pleasure him and he wants to just pleasure me. There are times when I’m not in the mood, but want him to feel good and finish. I see no harm in that. 

Generally speaking, we both make sure we’re taken care of. I mean, it’s not my fault the female body can have multiple orgasms 🤷‍♀️ Lol

Post # 11
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

You shouldn’t be selfish in a relationship, in any aspect.

Post # 13
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

Letitbee1 :  If he can’t last that long (which, that’s just how some penis-having humans are wired) then he should be getting you off first. “Sorry, I’m done, so all the sex is over” is a really kind of lame, regressive excuse, right? Fingers! Tongues! Toys! There are so many other options that don’t involve him needing an erection. 

Have you talked to him about it?

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