Selfish in the bedroom?

posted 8 months ago in Intimacy
Post # 31
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

manylovesbee1 : πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

 

Meowmeow Town iiiiis a guy going down on you..  i just didn’t wanna type it bc it felt too vulgar, as the first commenter, when i did lol.

Post # 32
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

beautifulfloweriam :  ^ lol

 

But, after reading some of these comments, i will admit, i didnt know it was common for one person or the other to not finish every time?? At that point i would just feel like i waz wasting the elasticity of my vaj… or that he was wasting his mouth energy. It seems unsatisfying ): but of course i know everyone us different! I just honestly didn’t know that was common.

They only instances of us not finishing would be if we were too intoxicated. You get kinda numb πŸ˜›

Post # 34
Member
2422 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think it’s okay to be selfish in the bedroom. I’m not saying both people have to cum every time — but I do think there should be an offer and legit attempt made for both people to be satisfied IF they’d both like that. For example, there have been times when I’m tired and am happy to just get off dh but honestly don’t want to do anything beyond that – that doesn’t mean he’s being selfish because it’s my choice not to be pleasured in return. I would think it was selfish if we started fooling around and I got him off and he didn’t make a genuine offer to return the favor. 

Lucky for me, dh is a very considerate lover, and we *always* start with him getting me off via oral or manual stimulation (except for those rare scenarios where I tell him I’m not interested and redirect to a blowjob). Once that happens, we move on to sex usually. It’s great for both of us – he says getting me off is a huge turn on for him, plus it warms me up for intercourse. If I cum again during sex, great — but that only happens for me sometimes, so this way we are both guaranteed to get at least one orgasm out of a session, and we both end up satisifed. 

With past partners I have not been so lucky and I definitely dated a number of guys who were selfish lovers. I was young and uncomfortable asking directly for what I wanted, so I almost never came with past partners — and not just meaning during sex, like at all. After having sex with dh, I can’t imagine going back to that. I know it’s hard to ask for what you want because I’ve been there. But it’s important to be able to do so, and someone who loves and cares about you should WANT to make sure you are having a good time. I think unfortunately a lot of guys watch porn and think they’re inadequate if they can’t make a woman orgasm from sex alone – or they blame the woman as being defective – but it’s very normal for women to need oral or manual stimulation to cum. Only something like a third of women orgasm from penetrative sex alone. 

Post # 35
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

In my experience, people who are selfish in the bedroom are also selfish everywhere else. They’re just selfish in general, so of course that carries over to bedroom activities. If you’re not a selfish person, you’re not going to be selfish in the bedroom. (And this is not the same as someone who just doesn’t know what their partner needs, but is making a genuine effort. A selfish person is someone who just doesn’t care if sex is enjoyable for their partner; they only care about their own needs.)

Post # 37
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

So my Husband works very long hours sometime 60 to 65 hours/ week. There are times when he just wants to lay back and ahem let me handle it haha where he has to do nothing but watch me bounce up and down Lololol and he LOVES it. I only want it usually once maybe twice a week and like missionary where’as he could go for three to four times a week and he always asks how I’m doing and makes sure I enjoy what he’s doing so we take turns 

Post # 38
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Yeah so I had several selfish lovers. One of my exes was super horny all of the time and came within minutes and we’d have sex multiple times a day. His idea of foreplay was a lick lick or touch touch and then he couldn’t handle it anymore, he just had to get himself off. And then he’d be frustrated that I wouldn’t orgasm. It was so set in his mind that he should be able to make it happen with his dick and it should be easy, probably because of porn. I was even open about explaining things to him: what I liked, most women don’t come from penetration, shared some articles etc lol and yeah he didn’t like that. Once when I suggested trying a position his response was “I guess we’re not sexually compatible” uhhh yeah clearly not. 

Things with FH are much better now. We both get off equally… he always works on me first and then him. Occasionally one of us doesn’t finish for whatever reason but it’s fine- although we both prefer to please the other. He’s open to critiques and wants to make sure I’m enjoying myself. Selfishness has NO place in relationships 

Post # 39
Member
1138 posts
Bumble bee

It’s an odd concept to me to have sex and not orgasm every time, like I don’t really understand why if the guy cums first you just stop having sex? He has fingers and a tongue, so why not just finish you off? That’s just common courtesy in my opinion. 

Myself and my Fiance (both females) orgasm every time, if I orgasm first I will carry on until she has and vice versa. 

Post # 40
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

ariesscientist :  yes, same thing i was thinking. Kind of seems a bit of a waste if either of you are regularly not finishing.

 

Post # 42
Member
2379 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I think the most important thing isn’t necessarily getting off everytime but the fact that you communicate. Especially with women because it’s not as obvious lol.

I think there are a lot of men out there that just assume women get off everytime because they’re so focused on themselves. I was not very sexually experienced when I met my husband, but I will say with him I finish almost every time. I feel like there’s something to be said about that! 

Post # 43
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, this would be a deal-breaker for me. He’s calling YOU selfish because you’d like to enjoy sex too? I guarantee none of his previous girlfriends enjoyed sex with him either. Women need foreplay to enjoy sex, that’s just a fact of life. Without adequate foreplay, we can’t get aroused enough to enjoy it, and if we’re not aroused sex can actually hurt. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t care about pleasing you AT ALL. He thinks sex should be for his enjoyment only.

I don’t think it will make a difference with him, but you should probably explain that it’s not just you. This isn’t a weird quirk of yours; all women need foreplay to some degree. And if this is the way he’s always had sex, then he’s always been a lousy lover. Maybe his previous partners never mentioned it because they didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but they couldn’t have possibly enjoyed sex with him. Make sure he understands that this isn’t just something you LIKE, it’s something you NEED. And he has no understanding of the way the female body works if he thinks this is optional.

But personally, I would dump him. He’s not receptive to feedback, and he seems to resent the implication that women should get to enjoy sex too. He thinks you’re just there to serve him and make sure his needs are met. I wouldn’t tolerate that attitude, it’s totally selfish.

Post # 44
Member
427 posts
Helper bee

awholenewbee2019 :  Meowmeow Town iiiiis a guy going down on you..

Just call it “cunnilingus”.  Shorter and to the point.

Letitbee1 :   He responded by saying I guess I’m just selfish and that’s just the way he’s always had sex. He said he’ll try to do things how I like it but it didn’t feel genuine or that he actually wanted to..just was saying it because that’s what I wanted to hear or whatever so that made me feel like I was just forcing him to ‘want’ to please me.

Dump this dickbag pronto.

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