(Closed) Selfish Rant

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mrsdfarrar6714:  When you are talking about your wedding and she breaks in, just respond with ‘How nice” or “How lovely” and stir the conversation back to you.

For instance:

You: Mother-In-Law we found our flowers!

Her: My baby just kicked!

You: “How lovely. Now those flower are blue and very pretty”

HEr: My baby hiccuped!

You: “That’s sweet. I’m thinking the flowers will be arrianged this way”

Just give a simple two word answer and stir the convo back to you.

IF she brings up her wedding, just say “it was nice. Now with our wedding we are going to xyz”

Post # 18
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@eeniebeans:  SOrry but she is correct. Doctors tell you to keep quiet until you are 12-13 weeks pregnant, in your 2nd trimester.

During the first trimester, 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage.

I had a friend who annoucend too early and she ended up loosing her baby. She had posted her pregnancy on FB and then had ot turn around and annoucen her miscarraige. It was heart breaking

Post # 19
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Well at least you can be smug in your knowledge that her husband is a bastard. You’re winning that one.

Post # 20
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@LuvMySailor:  That may be what doctors recommend and what OP prefers, but it’s still the mother’s choice to make.

This woman chose to announce the pregnancy at four weeks, and she’s well within her rights to do it. 

OP can have her preferences all she wants, but other people don’t have to go by that. 

Post # 21
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@mrsdfarrar6714:  Sorry you have to deal with this. You’re not being selfish at all btw!

Your SIL sounds like a real narccisist, and I’m sure if she wasn’t so nasty you could almost feel sorry for her. It sounds like she’s pretty insecure deep down and well, she has a shitty marriage, whether she realizes it or not.

If she’s as bad as it sounds, I wouldn’t try talking to her or confronting her in any way. That can be helpful for rationale people, but she doesn’t sound like she is. I think doing so would just add fuel to fire and cause drama that this woman so obvioulsy thrives on.

So i think the best you can do is keep your distance to the extent possible and try to surround yourself with family and friends that do genuinely care about you and your day. This probably kinda bordering on passive agressive, but if you do want your Mother-In-Law involved in the planning etc., any way you can involve her without your SIL being there eg- email updates, invite her to lunch without SIL there etc.

Good luck!

Post # 22
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@KoiKove:  Haha, I would love to be able to call someone like that fat!

Post # 23
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Yeah, I’d have to agree with everyone else. Ignore her. It may be hard but doing so will show her how unphased you are. Or just do the complete opposite and be just as excited for her when she brings up baby/wedding, etc. Be like ‘Yeah, you’re wedding was nice!’ Or ‘I’m so happy for you and your pregnancy, I can’t wait to meet my niece/nephew!’ Give her that attention she’s craving. Eventually she may just stop all together. And if you know she’s going to be interupting you while you talk to you Future Mother-In-Law then find other ways or times to communicate with her. Take her out to lunch, go for a walk with her, shopping, anything to where it can be just the two of you.

Post # 24
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I know it sucks, but every time she tries to one up you, just smile and remind yourself that ‘I’m not the one knocked up by a cheating husband’. And start distancing yourself from her. Sounds like she’s not going to be around for all that long. You don’t have to be mean about it, just start scheduling time with your Future Mother-In-Law to discuss wedding things when she’s not around.

Post # 25
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@mrsdfarrar6714:  Oh for pity’s sake, why are you letting this petty and immature person have so much power in your life?

Oh wow, she got married and pregnant first. So what?  I can guarantee you that absolutely no one but her cares.  

Don’t let her draw you into her petty competition and games where she sets the rules.  Understand this – to everyone else – their wedding/your wedding and their pregnancy really doesn’t matter all that much.  Its just another weddiing/pregnancy.  

Thinking that your wedding or pregnancy takes center stage in anyone else’s life is delusional and sad.  Of course the people  who love and care about you are happy for you.  Their being happy for caring about someone else doesn’tdiminish that.  

I get that your SIL’s behavior is galling – but who really cares what she thinks?  She only has as much power as you choose to give her.

Post # 26
Member
8008 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

LuvMySailor  No she is not correct- at least not in a general sense.   I have never heard of a dr advising someone to wait to annouce their pregnancy unless they were high risk.  I have had 2 children and neither of my doctors advised me to wait to announce my pregnancy.  In fact, I was showing by the time I got to my second trimester with each pregnancy- so I don’t know how I would have kept that under wraps anyway.

And, in the OP’s post it said she announced it to family- which is who you would want to support you if you had a miscarriage anyway.  It does not say that she announced it on Facebook etc.

Post # 27
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I feel ya on this one, I really do. FI’s baby sister is due any day now; it’s IL’s first grandchild, and it has SUCKED BALLS to have to keep my wedding planning to myself or only talk about it when she’s not there, because she does that EXACT same thing. 

Like I’ll be talking about something wedding-related and she will start talking and tapping on her belly to put attantion back on her. Pisses me off so freaking bad. BUT I will say that no – she won’t be stealing your thunder on your wedding day. Thats your day and no one’s gonna pay attention to your dumpy sister in law, because I’ll be damn if mine wont steal my thunder! Just aint gonna happen!!

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