(Closed) Selfish Sister? Who is right? Who is being too stubborn?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
520 posts
Busy bee

There is no reason for you to change your plans.  It’s your WEDDING!!!  I mean, I understand about school and all…..but come on!!  If she refuses to try to get out of class early, or all together it’s her issue.  I simply don’t buy into the idea that there are no circumstances in which she can miss class.  However, if she does not want to miss class, then she does not need to be part of the bridal party and can attend the festivities afterwards.   The world does not revolve around her.  Don’t change your plans and let her do what she wants. 

Anyway you play it there will be someone who isn’t happy…. 

Post # 4
Member
520 posts
Busy bee

Just re-read  your post in which you state that she is maid of honor.  She may need to forfeit that honor.

Post # 5
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Tough situation. I don’t think anyone is right or overly selfish in this situation, it is just an unfortunate conflict of interests. Since it is your wedding however, you have the final say. I think if you stay firm on your date she will find a way. She may just find battling you to change your date a lot easier than talking to an supervisor or other person about missing that one day. Once she is left without the choice of you changing your date, I am sure she will find a way to make it. Plus a Saturday wedding is far more convenient for most of your other guests, I’m sure. 

Post # 6
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I totally understand both sides of this.  Your sister isn’t exaggerating when she says she CAN’T MISS CLASS.  The thing about college classes is that you pay thousands of dollars to enroll in them, so if you don’t pass, you just wasted all that money.  And the thing about once-a-week classes is that losing one class could be enough to make you fail.  So I understand your sister’s predicament.

On the flip side, having your wedding on your parents’ anniversary has a big significance to you and will be something you always cherish.  Not to mention, it’s usually easier for guests to attend Saturday weddings because most people work Mon-Fri.

I think there’s a way you can still have your wedding on the day you want and have your sister attend as your Maid of Honor.  As long as you don’t have any restrictions from your venue about what time your ceremony takes place, you could easily start the ceremony in the evening and have plenty of time to dance and such.  The tough part would be for your sister to have time to get her hair and makeup done.  Perhaps you and your girls can take care of all that before your sister’s class starts – then she can go to class with her hair all done up and get a ton of questions from her classmates LOL!

Post # 7
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@CarcWelberg:Missing class in grad school is not a joke, and it is a serious commitment. Try the weekend of the 4th….it’s special to your family and she can attend. Trust me, after she leaves class she wants to relax. Try to be understanding of her priorities and I am sure she will be respectful of yours.

Post # 8
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, I’m in classes now and my school is very, very strict.  If I were to miss a lab or practical in a once a week class I could be pretty lost and it seriously can affect the grade.  I wouldn’t really be willing to compromise my future for either of my sister’s weddings.  I love them both very much and we’re best friends, but I wouldn’t be able to take that risk and I know they wouldn’t want me to.  That being said, they also wouldn’t change their date for me.  I wouldn’t expect them to, anyway. 

I would probably step down as Maid/Matron of Honor and then just play it by ear.  Maybe I’ll be able to get out of it and can attend all of the wedding festivities for the day and that would be awesome.  Maybe I can’t get out of it and will have to attend the reception afterwards.  Either way, its really the only fair solution.  Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

First of all, it’s unfair to ask your sister to miss class. I realize that it’s annoying, but you knew going into this that she goes to class on weekends, and her education should come first and be important to you. 

Second, are you planning this wedding for THIS June? Not to be a Debbie Downer, but we started planning our June 24th wedding LAST June, and we were forced to go with a Friday b/c almost all the Saturdays were already booked. So, given that you’re planning this only 7 months out, you might be hard pressed to find a venue on a Saturday. June is THE month to get married. 

Also, Fridays and Sundays are often cheaper at venues, so if you can get a venue for a Friday, you’ll save yourself some money. 

Post # 10
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

aw man what a tough situation!  i think you should stick to a saturday wedding since it’s what you want, and maybe do it on 4th of july weekend since it will have the significance of your parent’s anniversary.  i can tell you don’t want to duplicate their wedding date, but that’s kind of special!  and if you’re worried about people begrudging you for taking over the holiday weekend, don’t worry about it.  we went to a wedding on that weekend last year and it was fine, people didn’t mind it at all.  

Post # 11
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

As tough as it is, I would have to agree with PP it is a pretty big deal for her to miss her grad school class.  A similar thing happened with a friend of mine in school and it took A LOT of convincing to our prof that she could not attend a Saturday teaching lab b/c of a friend’s wedding.  It’s really a tough situation to be in, especially since she doesn’t know the specific schedule at this point.  If it’s difficult to change the date It probably would be best if she stepped down as MOH and played it by ear when she knows her schedule and can talk to the prof for possible alternatives. 

Post # 12
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I just realized that I misread your post – I had thought your currently planned date was the date of your parents’ anniversary.

Is there a reason you wouldn’t want to get married on your parents’ anniversary?  (I think it would be really romantic actually.  Our wedding was on my parents’ anniversary so I had the DJ give them a special dance.)

Post # 13
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would suggest that you try to have the wedding on 4th of July weekend.  Like PPs have said, missing a once-a-week class is no joke (when I was in college I had a bi-weekly class that we automatically failed if we missed).  Why is it that you so badly want a June wedding? 

Post # 14
Member
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I say have your wedding on the day you want. Is having your wedding later in the day an option? I just finished grad school myself and know what she’s going through, but I would never ask someone to move Their Wedding Day b/c of my class schedule. Having a later in the day wedding may be a good compromise for both of you. If you heart is set on having on a Saturday then I wouldn’t change it to a Friday. I can understand not wanting to share an anniversary with your parents. I really wanted our wedding to be the Sat of Labor Day weeked but that’s FI’s dads birthday and we didn’t want to share that day forever with his birthday. I wish you luck with the situation!

Post # 15
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

As someone who teaches at the college level, I would suggest your sister approaches her prof, explain the situation and ask if she can complete the required work ahead of time. Given the circumstances, most profs will cooperate.

Post # 16
Member
14402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you really want it on a Saturday, stick to it, its your wedding.  I *really* wanted to stick to a Saturday also, but ended up with a Sunday.  No matter what day it is, my wedding will be my wedding and it will go how I plan (as well as any planned wedding goes.. haha), so I just gave up on the day.  It could be Wednesday for all I care now. But if you really want your sister to be Maid/Matron of Honor, then why not July 2nd?  And if she really couldn’t get out of class until 5:30, would you start your wedding late enough for her to attend, even as just a guest?

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