- 9 years ago
- Wedding: April 2011
I am really frustrated. FI’s uncle uses and takes advatage of him all the time and he doesn’t even see it or maybe just doesn’t want to admit it. Uncle is the barely 10 yrs older that Fiance. He is recently divorced with 3 kids. He calls Fiance every few weeks when he gets visitation and asks Fiance if he would like to come along to see the kids. In reality Uncle doesn’t have a license (drives all the time but ex wife won’t let him take the kids if he is driving) so he just wants Fiance to drive him. Everytime we have made plans though to see him or invite him to our home to dinner he cancels at the last minute. One time my family was coming to town and we invited him to meet us. We called him when we were on our way to the restaurant to make sure he had the correct address and claims he is having car trouble and tried calling Fiance and left him a VM to let him know. Fiance had his phone on the whole time and had no missed calls or vm. We even then offered to have a friend who lived near him pick him up and he had some other excuse. Two weeks ago he called Fiance and ask to come with him to see his kids again and he said sure. At the last minute Uncle calls and says that hes sick and wants to know if he can change it to the following weekend. Fiance said let me check with “enoh” and placed him on hold to see if we had other plans or if I needed the car (we share one car). Uncle got angry with Fiance for having to ask my permission. I don’t understand why, but he did. FI wasn’t asking my permission! Well, a few days later Fiance runs into his twin brother in the store and twin tells him how Uncle called and he was going to go with him to see the kids over the weekend. Fiance was shocked since he thought he was still going with Uncle to see the kids. Fiance calls Uncle to see what going on and he didn’t answer or return his messages.
I see a pattern with Uncle. When he needs something he calls Fiance and expects him to drop everything to do it for him but then never follows through when Fiance asks him for anything. I am concerned that Uncle will RSVP yes to our wedding and then no show and then have some stupid excuse. Our wedding is costing approx $150pp and I don’t want my parents to have to eat that. More importantly I know Fiance will be really hurt (even if he won’t admit it) if Uncle no shows at on our big day. I just don’t know what to do. I have attempted to shine a little light on Uncle’s pattern but Fiance doesn’t want to aknowlege it. I know if I press the issue it will just cause arguement and that is the last thing I want. It is his family and I should let him handle it but as I said I don’t want my parents to have to waste money on him. Thanks Bees!!
EDIT: The weekend we got engaged FI’s whole family was at a family reunion that we weren’t able to attend because of work. Since everyone from FI’s mom’s side of the family was there Fiance decided to wait to after the reunion to call his mother and family and tell them we were engaged. Over that weekend Uncle called from the reunion to ask Fiance something and in his excitement Fiance told Uncle how we got engaged and asked him to NOT say anything since Fiance wanted to get the chance to tell his mom and grandmother himself. Well, Uncle went and announced our engagement to the entrire family at grace for dinner! A lot of people were pissed that they had to hear about it from Uncle and they we didn’t tell them ourselves. Uncle never even apologized for telling!