- 7 years ago
I struggle with the right thing to do often. I am the type of person that goes out of my way for people, I love sending cards for special events, engagements, weddings, baby. I treat others the way I would want to be treated, though that sometimes doesn’t happen:)
Little back story, Darling Husband and I have been estranged from his mom and sister since our wedding over a year ago. I will never ever accept his mother for how she treated me, Darling Husband, my family and just in general for her actions. Darling Husband feels the same towards if not more so than me. We also feel the same about his sister, but we both do feel that if his sister could break away from his mother and not follow along with her then we maybe could have a relationship with her, but as of now there is none and it doesn’t seem to be that there will be any in the future. His sister can’t even hear Darling Husband name mentioned without freaking out, and she has also prevented their father from visiting us many times because she freaks out and flips out and wants his father to cut ties with us.
Last year I did send her a birthday card, but never received one for myself or Darling Husband so I said I was done with even doing that and I was. She then sent for xmas cookies. We both took this as maybe her way of extending an olive branch so I reached out and never heard anything back. This was when his father was supposed to come for Xmas and then the day of called and said he wasn’t coming because she was flipping out and did not agree with him seeing us, we didn’t see him for 5 months after that because he was so afraid of her going into a fit over it. So I don’t really know why we got cookies, since then there has been no contact of any sorts with his sister.
The mother still will reach out , either calling us drunk at 2am and leaving raging VM about how Darling Husband and I need to be beat until we are black and blue or leaving crazy text messages about how horrible we are or calling my mom and myself, and Father-In-Law Girlfriend a whore.
When we found out we were expecting my Darling Husband told his grandma and he knew it would get back to his mother and sister, for about 3 months we heard nothing, and once we were in the “safer” zone Darling Husband annouced it to his extended families. He did include his Mom and sister on the annoucement as he didnt want to give them any way that they could turn a story around on him to the rest of the family since that is what they had been doing. His mother responded with Good luck, and his sister responded a week later with the same response. That was it.
Since then, again no contact with them, nor have they attempted. We realize they will have no involvement in our babies life and that we can not allow them to have any involvement in his life until they can stop their crazy, but that won’t happen anytime soon.
With that, his sister got engaged a few weeks ago, his mother sent out and email and cc Darling Husband on it, expressing how excited she was ( she is total anti marriage) and how that is the biggest news that has happened and then she went on to say a few other “news exciting” types of things and that was it. Darling Husband was really upset, we both knew she did it to almost rub salt in the wounds, but it was still upsetting for Darling Husband and to be honest me too that they have no desire to even feel joy over us having a baby.
Now, the question, sorry this took so long, do we send a card? A part of me feels like I should just because someone got engaged and it’s a joyish time, but another part of me feels, why should we, she ruined our wedding, it was never a joyish time for them, they never acknowledged the baby or probably won’t, so why go out of the way. I also fear that it will look like we are trying to say oh now that we are having a baby we want you in our life, when that door is NOT open with how things are currently now.
So what would you do? Send a card, send an email maybe just saying congrats? Send a card to the sister and the mom? Thoughts??? help! lol!