Send gifts for cancelled/postponed wedding?

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we / when to send a gift?

    Send a gift now for cancelled wedding - it’s rude not to

    Don’t need to send a gift for the cancelled wedding (but it would be nice)

    Don’t send a gift for cancelled wedding

    Send a gift now for postponed wedding

    Send a gift next year for postponed wedding

  • Post # 2
    Member
    3514 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I would send gifts whenever the wedding is actually happening. So if that’s next year then just give one next year. If someone is keeping their original date and having a smaller/streamed ceremony send one then. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    4905 posts
    Honey bee

    Give gifts if/when you are invited to the new wedding date at the new wedding date.  Nothing now.

    Post # 4
    Member
    358 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I’m gifting for the rescheduled reception. The couple got legally married in their backyard with immediate family only on the original date, and I gave my congratulations for that. It seems weird to give a gift now for something I’m attending in a year.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1655 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would give a gift when the event to which you are invited takes place – so if they are having a private ceremony but inviting you to the reception later, then give the gift at the reception.  

    If the wedding is cancelled, then there’s no need to send a gift at all.  If you know them very well, a small sympathy gift might be a kind gesture, but I don’t think it’s necessary.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Id give a gift at the actual wedding/reception. I agree with pps it seems weird to send a gift for an event im attending in a year. I probably wouldnt give a gift for a cancelled wedding that I wasnt invited to the new one unless I was extremely close with the couple.

    Post # 7
    Member
    835 posts
    Busy bee

    For those getting married this year but having the reception next year I am giving something for both. For instance, for my cousin I gave her and her fiancé a set of champagne flutes from their registry and included a note about how we will still be toasting them on their wedding day and how excited we are for them. Next year for the reception I will give something else from the registry or contribute to their honeymoon.

    Will probably end up spending a little more than I usually do, but to give a little joy couples who have had so much stress is worth it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    560 posts
    Busy bee

    we sent a gift to a couple who got legally married but postponed their big wedding until next year.  for our other friends who postponed everything until next year, we are waiting.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    7658 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I gave a gift for a wedding that took place on a much smaller scale with a large reception to follow next year. They got married and the gift is to celebrate the marriage so it made sense to give a gift for that rather than the party that will occur next year.

    Had they postponed the whole thing until next year and not actually gotten married on the original date, I would have waited to give the gift. I would send a gift for the date of their marriage even if I was no longer invited to the event (due to downsizing for CovidICovid) if I’m close to the couple 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2081 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    It depends on your relationship with the couple. If you aren’t close then I’d wait until they actually had the wedding and do it like normal then. If they end up not having a wedding with guests and you aren’t invited then you give nothing. Usually the point is it’s an exchange. They give you a nice evening of food and fun and you give a gift. If they aren’t hosting you at a party they don’t get a gift. 

    However, if you are good friends or feel like being generous you can get them a gift now even though they haven’t rescheduled the wedding and don’t know if they will. IF down the road they did reschedule than you would get them a congrats card and not get another gift because you already got them one earlier. 

    If they have rescheduled then just wait for the new wedding to do gifts. 

    We had 3 friends have to change their plans. 2 got married at the court house and aren’t doing weddings anymore. We aren’t super close and haven’t thought of sending anything. We never even got the round of invites from them that had registry info. The 3rd couple moved it a year away and for that we will treat it like any other wedding in terms of gifts when the wedding happens. 

    The two canceled couples are TTC and so I imagine that when they announce it we might send them a nice bigger gift then normal for that since they didn’t get any wedding gift from us. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1615 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

    Only send a gift for a wedding when it happens.  I think sending a gift for a cancelled wedding would be weird.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1644 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

    We have been invited to two weddings this year. One we have not heard yet what the couple wants to do but I plan on sending our gift in a couple of months regardless. We just have a busy next couple months planned and any spare money is tied up or I would send it sooner just to make sure it is all done since we cannot attend. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    14155 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    If the whole thing is postponed, you’d send a gift to their home, most ideally just ahead of the new date. If you want to send something now, it could be more along the lines of an “I’m thinking of you” or engagement gift. 

    If they are getting married now, but downsized to something intimate, I’d send a wedding gift if you are close, regardless. What’s more, if it was me it would be the same gift as if I had been invited. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    555 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    Ok, so our destination wedding was cancelled which I was very happy about lol I know unpopular opinion but anyways…we eloped and our families threw 2 parties for us and they all gave us gifts. I didn’t expect that but my husband definitely did. However, I feel a little bit uncomfortable as I feel like I don’t deserve the gifts and the $$$$ lol

    Post # 15
    Member
    9260 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @yellowgold3846:  When you say “cancelled”, do you mean they are never getting married, or that they are also postponing but just don’t know the date yet? In all cases, you give a gift when the wedding happens. 

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