(Closed) Send Invite if They Can't Come?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
366 posts
Helper bee

I would still send one. I sent a few invites to elderly family members who I knew won’t be able to make it, but I still wanted them to be included. And like you said you never know if something will change and they will be able to come after all!

Post # 3
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Send an invitation. And when you are mentally counting the potential number of yes responses do not rule her out 100%. Someone once posted on here about how i guess it was her parents who had verbally said no for their family but this bee and her husband were able to go after all, rsvp’d yes before the deadline only to be informed they couldn’t come.

You could also ask her if she would like an invitation. While I know we have to be cost conscious it does sound cheap to want to save money on one invitation.

Post # 4
Member
47423 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
liaeona:  I would send the invitation. In the grand scheme of things, one invitation is not going to make or break your budget. Her situation may change between now and the date of the wedding. You could also include a personal note saying you know she said she wouldn’t be able to attend, but you wanted to include her.

Post # 5
Member
526 posts
Busy bee

I would send one. My cousin sent us an invitation to her wedding even though she knew ahead of time that our financial situation at the time didn’t allow us to travel across the country to be there. It really meant a lot- kind of like a gentle reminder that “we love you and would have loved to have you here on the big day”. 

Post # 6
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee

i agree with PPs. I sent a few to people I knew couldn’t come. It was important to me to officially invite them regardless.

Post # 7
Member
4096 posts
Honey bee

Funny, I had a couple who told me they couldn’t go to my wedding, because they had already commited to a wedding overseas as well. I ended up sending an invite anyway, and they ended up not going to the other wedding and came to mine. I think you should send one, and at the end of the day, the relatively small cost of an extra invitation will be forgotten.

Post # 8
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I had a friend tell me that she was going to Cambodia in August, and our wedding was September. I still asked for her mailing address and sent her an invite because just because she couldnt come, I wanted her to know that I cared about her and wanted her there. 

Post # 9
Member
2667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I would still send an invitation. We already know of a handful of guests who will not be able to attend our wedding (due to health or it being a little close to Christmas, so they will have to travel twice) but will still let them know they are more than welcome.

Post # 10
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My fam is from overseas, and even tho my Opa and uncle won’t be able to make it (health issues with flying) they still deserve an invite… I had send 16 invites that way and only 4 couples ( my sisters) will be coming for sure… I still think that if you think they would have came and were invited if the curcumstances were different, they deserve an invite… 

Post # 11
Member
3606 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
liaeona:  I would send an invitation anyway. I’ve heard conflicting things about whether a person is obligated to send a gift to a wedding he or she did not attend, but more people seem to come down on the side of no, there is no such obligation. If she chooses to send a gift, great, but I don’t think you are creating an obligation on her part to give you a gift by sending an invitation. I agree that stationery isn’t cheap, but unless you have extremely fancy and upscale invitations, I don’t think it will set you back more than $15 (and even that seems on the high end to me).

Post # 12
Member
5387 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
liaeona: Yes, definitely! You never know, she may be able to come last minute and that you thought of her.   

Post # 13
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Yes. You still send invites to people even if you know (think!) they won’t come. People change their minds and things happen, also if you don’t send the invite then you sort of never really invited them, which is rude on your part. I’ve had invitations come from India from family I don’t even know! It’s just the polite thing to do.

Post # 14
Member
429 posts
Helper bee

Good question! I was leaning on not sending invite to those who said they can’t make it. But based on everyone’s comments, maybe I should. Hmmm…

Post # 15
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Definitely send an invitation. As lame as it sounds, it’s the thought that counts. If you don’t send an invitation to certain people, you risk seriouly offending them. Doesn’t matter whether they can attend or not.

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