Post # 1
A friend of mine from college recently got engaged. I met her now-fiance several times when he came to visit her, and I’m truly delighted for them. We’re not very close any more, so I don’t expect an invitation to their wedding and don’t want to come off as grubbing for one, but I’d still lend to send them a gift. We have mutual friends who will be invited, so finding out where they’re registered would be easy.
Would you be weirded out to receive a gift from someone not invited to your wedding? When would be the best time to send it?
Thanks for your help!
Post # 3
i think i would feel obligated to send the invite if i got the gift before they went out or if i would feel bad after if i didnt invite them. unless you say something to make sure she doesnt feel bad for not inviting you.
Post # 4
I don’t know about the best time to send it but I know we had to have a relatively small wedding and we’ve had a number of friends still want to know where we’re registered. I think it’s incredibly sweet that you/they would still want to contribute to us even though they/you couldn’t come.
Post # 5
i think it might be weird to be on the receiving end of getting the gift. might make me feel like you wanted an invite. BUT it is a very nice thought. what about sending a really nice card and a gift card so they can go out to dinner and celebrate. that might be a little better then getting them something off the registry which only their guests would know about.
Post # 6
I’d probably wait until after the RSVP’s need to be back in so they don’t feel like they need to send you a last minute invite. So thoughtful of you to want to still send a gift! I see it like any other party, I won’t be able to make my little sister’s birthday later this month, but I’m still going to send her a gift.
Post # 7
I’d probably send a gift that arrives after the wedding. Seems like it’s the least likely to interpreted as pandering for an invite.
Post # 8
I don’t see anything wrong with sending a gift. But, I would wait for the invites. That way, like you said, it doesn’t make it seem like you are begging for one. There is no reason you can’t send them a gift even if you aren’t invited and honestly, I think it is kinda sweet that you want to! I know I would be honored if somebody did that for me!
Post # 9
That is definitely nice and thoughtful of you, even when your not expecting an invite. I wouldn’t send one until after the wedding because even if I sent out all my invites and started getting RSVPs and got a random gift, I would feel obligated to do a last minute rush to invite the person.. I guess in my opinion I would wait until after to make sure there’s no confusion and they are opening the gift at the same time as the others.
Post # 10
Thanks for your advice. I think I will send them something, but I’ll hold off on doing it until the wedding. The last thing I’d want would be for my gift to stress them out or make them feel obligated to invite me!
Post # 11
I think it’s sweet that you’re thinking of sending her a gift. I also don’t think it’s weird. Rather, I believe the unexpected gift will be much appreciated. However, like SportsGal said, it might be better to send the gifts after the wedding took place. Otherwise, the bride might feel obligated to immediately send an invitation to show her appreciation.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t care either way. I would wait to send a gift for closer to their wedding. Not because you’re trying to not seem desperate, but because I think weddings gifts should get there in & around the wedding, unless you’re going to a shower.
Me personally? I’m not sending a gift unless I get an invite. In fact, if I can’t come to the wedding, then I’m still not sending a gift. I kknow it sounds bad, but at this point I don’t have that much money to be giving gifts to people. I guess it all depends on your situation. 🙂
Post # 13
I think its totally fine! In fact we received several gifts from people that were not invited. It was really nice!
Post # 14
If you are worried about how it looks, maybe send a gift after the wedding? It’ll be pretty obvious then that you aren’t fishing for an invite.
Post # 15
I see nothing wrong with sending a gift.
Last year a college friend of mine got married and I wasn’t invited. It actually hurt my feelings a bit, because pretty much everyone in our “friend group” from college was invited. I pondered this, because athough i felt rejected, I was still excited for them and wanted to do more than a “congrats” card. I figured it was probably a budget issue and I was just the unlucky one to get the ax. So I found their registry and sent them a gift (although more modest than I normally would have bought had I been invited)….And then I didnt get a thank you. No verbal thank you the next time I saw them, and no thank you card. And again, I felt really sad. Now I’m wondering if I should invite them to MY wedding…
But don’t go by what happened to me. If you feel like you want to buy a gift, then do it!
Post # 16
You’re so sweet. I just want to hug you.