Post # 1
Fiance and I received an invite for a wedding that we will unfortunately have to decline. We aren’t very close to the couple, but I think it would be nice to at least send a cash gift or purchase something off their registry.
Is it proper etiquette to send a gift if you have to decline an invite?
Also, dumb question — do registries send their gifts until after the wedding or do they receive them as they come?
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2017 - City, State
I was always told to send a gift when you decline! And registries will send the gift as they come if you opt to ship it directly to the bride and groom (which is what I would do if I declined)
Post # 3
I would send a gift to be polite. And yes, registries will send gifts to the couple as they’re purchased!
Post # 4
I always send a gift if I have to decline, unless it’s a couple that I’m not sure why I was really invited in the first place haha
Post # 5
Meh, I got an invite a couple of months ago from a 3rd cousin who lives 4hrs away out of state. I wouldn’t know this person if I bumped right into them on the street. I declined and didn’t feel the need to send a gift.
Just googled this:
You might be surprised to learn that, according to the Emily Post Institute, “guests invited to the wedding have an obligation to send a gift, whether they are attending or not.” … If you’ve “been out of touch with the couple for several years, and are not planning to attend, there’s no need to send a gift.” May 2, 2014
Post # 6
Never wrong to send a gift! I ended up getting gifts from people who weren’t even invited (old friends of my parents who I didn’t know personally). I’m sure they’ll be grateful for anything 🙂
As for registries, if it’s online it usually ships to them once it’s ordered.
Post # 7
ritzsanti : If you buy a gift off the registry and have it delivered directly to the couple, it will ship right away.
Also I think it’s very nice you’re still going to give this couple something even though you can’t attend their wedding. My husband and I do the same. We usually just send a check. Nice and simple! It’s certainly not necessary though.
Post # 8
I just got an invite today for my cousin’s wedding, and can not attend because I happen to be in another wedding (I would have went had I not been in a wedding the same day). As other people mentioned, giving a gift is not mandatory per etiquette (especially if you are not going), but I think its a really nice gesture. I do think its ok to spend less on a gift if you arent going since they arent necessarily paying for a plate (if you spend 100, something for 50 on a registry is fine or even a smaller gfit card), but I can tell you a couple will find it very thoughtful if you get them something. We had a few people who didnt even get invited to the wedding and some who couldnt make it send gifts and I thought it was really nice (but we also had some that didnt give a gift who didnt attend, and I didnt think it was that big of a deal either).
Post # 9
I always send a gift even if I decline. That’s just what was always done in my family (not sure if it’s proper etiquette or not). I usually end up sending a nice card with a check.