Sending a Gift if Declining RSVP?

posted 2 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - City, State

I was always told to send a gift when you decline! And registries will send the gift as they come if you opt to ship it directly to the bride and groom (which is what I would do if I declined)

Post # 3
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would send a gift to be polite. And yes, registries will send gifts to the couple as they’re purchased!

Post # 4
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I always send a gift if I have to decline, unless it’s a couple that I’m not sure why I was really invited in the first place haha

Post # 5
1058 posts
Bumble bee

Meh, I got an invite a couple of months ago from a 3rd cousin who lives 4hrs away out of state. I wouldn’t know this person if I bumped right into them on the street. I declined and didn’t feel the need to send a gift. 

Just googled this: 

You might be surprised to learn that, according to the Emily Post Institute, “guests invited to the wedding have an obligation to send a gift, whether they are attending or not.” … If you’ve “been out of touch with the couple for several years, and are not planning to attend, there’s no need to send a gift.” May 2, 2014

Post # 6
949 posts
Busy bee

Never wrong to send a gift! I ended up getting gifts from people who weren’t even invited (old friends of my parents who I didn’t know personally). I’m sure they’ll be grateful for anything 🙂 

As for registries, if it’s online it usually ships to them once it’s ordered.

Post # 7
6841 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

ritzsanti :  If you buy a gift off the registry and have it delivered directly to the couple, it will ship right away. 

Also I think it’s very nice you’re still going to give this couple something even though you can’t attend their wedding. My husband and I do the same. We usually just send a check. Nice and simple! It’s certainly not necessary though. 

Post # 8
399 posts
Helper bee

I just got an invite today for my cousin’s wedding, and can not attend because I happen to be in another wedding (I would have went had I not been in a wedding the same day). As other people mentioned, giving a gift is not mandatory per etiquette (especially if you are not going), but I think its a really nice gesture.  I do think its ok to spend less on a gift if you arent going since they arent necessarily paying for a plate (if you spend 100, something for 50 on a registry is fine or even a smaller gfit card), but I can tell you a couple will find it very thoughtful if you get them something. We had a few people who didnt even get invited to the wedding and some who couldnt make it send gifts and I thought it was really nice (but we also had some that didnt give a gift who didnt attend, and I didnt think it was that big of a deal either).

Post # 9
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I always send a gift even if I decline. That’s just what was always done in my family (not sure if it’s proper etiquette or not). I usually end up sending a nice card with a check.

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