(Closed) Sending a gift when you were un-invited

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
516 posts
Busy bee

Absolutely not. 

Being un-invited was your ex-friend’s way of letting you know how little you mean to her, so you should not feel any obligation to send a gift!

When she attended your wedding/contributed to wishing well, you had a different relationship.  Now that she has terminated the friendship, leave it that way and get on with your marriage and life!

Post # 4
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Beesatts:  I would send a gift, but it would just be as a way to get the last word…not because I’m an amazing saint.  I’d want to come out on top.

Post # 5
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would most definitely NOT send anything. SHe ended the friendship, don’t waste your hard earned money on them!

Post # 6
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - The Gables at Chadds Ford

First of all, that friend is horrible.  If you don’t want to buy her a gift, don’t do it.  I do like the idea though, of sending her a gift just to make you look like the better person and hopefully she feels like crap. 

Post # 7
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

H3ll no! No invite, no gift. They gave money but that’s more or less balanced by the fact that you provided a meal at your wedding.

Post # 8
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If you want to be friends again, I say yes. If not, I say no. She likely won’t notice if you don’t since she uninvited you. For me, I’d say no.

Post # 10
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@Beesatts:  HER choice! I had a best friend of 8 years who told me we were no longer going to be friends. huge falling out. I’ve heard through a mutual friend that she got engaged not long ago, I would NEVER consider sending her a gift! If you aren’t friends with someone per their choice, you are in no way obligated to “pay them back” for what they have done for you in the past. Though I agree with PP about if you want to make sure you are the bigger person =) lol

Post # 11
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah…..NO! She has put you through enough already. Unless you see your friendship mending (through an amazing apology) don’t waste your time, effort, or money on this one.

Post # 12
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Beesatts:  i don’t think it’s necessary to send a gift.  you are no longer invited.  she is the one who doesn’t want you there, so definitely no.

Post # 13
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Hell to the no. Too bad if she spent money on your wedding…since this isn’t someone you want in your life anymore, don’t give it anymore thought.

Post # 14
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No way.  IMO when you continue to engage that’s how things stay heated.  I’d just let some time pass and if I wanted to reengage her I’d do it when weddings were no longer in the picture.

See, if I sent a gift I’d have all these crazy thoughts about it, did she get it, is she thinking I’m a good friend or crapping all over it, is she going to send a thank you, reading way too much into everything when really it’s just time to move on!

Post # 15
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

No, while I’m sure this ex-friend wouldn’t turn down free money or gifts, you are under no obligation to gift them. I sure as heck wouldn’t send a gift.

Post # 16
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@Beesatts:  I’d send a gift thanking them. Be the bigger person. 

The topic ‘Sending a gift when you were un-invited’ is closed to new replies.

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