Post # 1
So, the wedding has come and gone-I’m now happily married and working on finishing up my thank you cards. However, one card is still blank. Here’s the story:
My Hubby had a friend who helped him through some stuff before we met. Their relationship was mostly online through facebook chat or whatever. Fast-forward to when he proposed, one of us has the idea to ask her to be a bridesmaid, she heartily accepts and has so many ideas and is totally excited to help. The problem is, I never meet her until the rehearsal dinner. Whenever we go home to visit we try to make plans to see her (over a couple years) and they always fall through. When hubby’s family was planning a shower for me, she offers to decorate and come help and a couple of days before when then fiance’s mom is trying to get in contact with her, she never replies. I had a dilemma with my invitations and she offers to design something for me and a couple days before the date I needed them, she has more stuff come up and she says she can’t do them. I should mention she had ovarian cysts of something and she actually turns out to be pregnent, so maybe she wasn’t feeling well (but still!) My Maid of Honor who lives in SC was planning the bachelorette party and she said she’ll bring props and stuff for games since she was local. Throughout planning my Maid/Matron of Honor had difficulty contacting her so we figured she wouldn’t come. The day before she says she isn’t feeling well and won’t stay the night but she’ll come and the day of to party with us. We never even hear from her the day of. All day Friday, the bridal party was setting up and she shows up later to the rehersal looking a hot mess, like she was drunk or drugged or suffering from Ebola. She’s stumbling all over the place and ends up leaving early before the dinner part of the rehersal. On the wedding day, she shows up in some bright orange, tight bandage dress when she should have showed up in a flowy, coral, chiffon-style dress (also looking a hot mess). One thing she did do for us was bring an amp that we needed at the last minute since my brother was playing the guitar after our quartet unceremoniously dropped out. My other girls offer her the wraps and drinks that were made for us and she says she already ate/wasn’t hungry so of course she faints during the wedding and leaves right after the ceremony.
Obviously, I should have fired her after a couple of the stunts she made, but I was too soft and one girl bowed out already so I didn’t want to mess with the numbers anymore. After the wedding, she sends me a bunch of messages on facebook apologizing and saying she wants us to be in her child’s life but I just don’t know what to say.
I’m sitting here with a blank thank you card and all I can think to write is FU.
What should I do?!?!?!
Post # 2
Be the bigger person and send a polite note, but then distance yourself, which shouldn’t be a problem since she’s a flake.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX
Wakonyo21: Well, it’s clear, and you seem to know this as well, that you never should have asked her in the first place. It doesn’t sound like you are interested in maintaining a friendship. If that is the case, I would write her a short generic thank you note, “Thank you so much for being a part of our special day” or something like that, and then not initiate contact. If you want to continue a friendship or having her in your lives, call her and tell her how you feel. Personally, she doesn’t sound like someone I would be interested in encouraging to be a part of my life.
Post # 4
thank you for sharing our special day, we were glad you were able to celebrate with us.
Post # 5
Wakonyo21: she sounds a hot mess, but who knows what’s going on in her life. I wouldn’t send anything nasty to her. Just keep it short and sweet like.
Dear ” , thank you for being a part of our big day! Best of luck with your pregnancy. Regards,Wakonyo
thats what I would do…
Post # 6
Thank you all, it’s hard to be the bigger person but I think I’ll thank her for the amp, wish her good luck on her pregnancy/parenting, and leave it at that.
Post # 7
I would thank her for her contribution anyway then just distance yourself. Respond to her future messages with vague nicities.
The hard cold truth here is that the scenario is…. pretty much entirely your fault for asking someone *youve never met* to be a bridesmaid… that has “terrible idea” written all over it (as you now know). Live and learn!
Post # 8
Wakonyo21: I would follow the advice given and just thank her, after that you have done your bit. Be the better person. Just a quick question, is she married or with someone (the father of the child)?
Post # 9
Hey guys, I don’t need a lecture-the mistake has been made. What I needed was help figuring out the best way to handle this. I’ve written the thank you. If you’re going to remind me that it was “my fault” just go ahead and don’t respond. Thanks
Post # 10
Thank her for the “effort” made to make your day special!!!
Effort does not always include follow thru or results, assume it was the thought that counts and let her negotiate her own short-comings.
Post # 10
Just keep it simple. I like some of what other PP’s have posted.
Post # 11
- Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club
I voted “thank her for the amp” because it was closest to what I was thinking… maybe something like, “Dear Bridesmaid’sName,
Thank you for being with us to celebrate our day. The extra favor of you bringing that amp really meant a lot to us and saved our ceremony music. Hubby and I really look forward to seeing pictures o your little one!
with our thanks,
Wakonyo and Hubby”
Post # 13
I’d look at this as a lesson learned, send a nice card and be done with her. Be polite and short “Thank you for being with us on our special day. We really appreciate the help with the amp, and we were glad to have you there with us.”