(Closed) Sending invites to those who don't want to come (LONG, sorry)

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Then no, invite those you want to support you on your wedding and throughout your marriage. If they cant get it together for a simple dinner then I won’t chance them at the wedding. 

Post # 3
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Leaving childhood things behind is part of growing up. Sometimes that means people.

Post # 4
47278 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

In a few years, if they stop being childish and immature, you can resume the friendship if you choose. Having not invited them to your wedding, does not preclude resuming the friendship later.

Right now, I would challenge you to name one thing this couple would add to your lives should you invite them. Friends should be a blessing not a problem.

I do not feel you are obliged to invite them. The husband has made it clear they do not want to see you right now.

Post # 5
10 posts

I would still invite them to show that my fiance and I are thinking about them and willing to make amends (even though it isn’t your fault at all here!). However, if they don’t meet you guys halfway and decide to not come to the wedding, then that proves that these people are not real friends and are not people that need to be in your lives… so sad to say… But this way, you would have done the best you could to try to include this couple, and you wouldn’t regret anything. If they decide to miss out on your wedding, then it’s their loss… Good luck to you, and congratulations!

Post # 6
1506 posts
Bumble bee

I think at this point, it is time to wipe your hands and move on. These people are still immature and will only cause drama in your future.

Post # 7
1451 posts
Bumble bee

I get that your Fiance still wants to be friends with these people, but he is committed to the “fantasy” of the olden days of the past and projecting that fantasy into the future.  It is NOT based on reality and your Fiance is refusing to see the truth of how things really are because of some illusionary belief that maybe, just maybe, these people are not who they are showing & proving themselves to be — mean, petty, and completely untrustworthy.

 People grow and evolve over time, but you absolutely cannot change people.  These drama ridden people are very invested in their drama and causing anger/strife wherever they go for NO reason.  The way they causing so many problems for other people, they will undoubtedly do the same to you guys.  

Part of growing up and getting married is, you learn to have strong boundaries to protect your marriage and to wisely choose to only surround yourself with loving supportive people. These people are NOT your friends and they do not have your best interests at heart.  At the end of the day your FI’s friend will ALWAYS choose to side with his harpy of a wife and all her drama filled lies over his friendship to your Fiance.  

I would encourage your Fiance to let his friendship go.  It’s time you guys focus all your attention on the people who truly do love and care about you.  The past needs to stay in the past.

Post # 8
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would not invite them. If you run into each other again just be polite but do not ever count on or make the effort to be friends again. They are not worth it

Post # 10
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

You got your answer when the husband responded to your dinner invite with a ‘no’. Some friends you just outgrow over time, people change and move off in different directions. There’s no need to send an invite to the wedding and your SO needs to just let things be. This couple has made it clear in more ways than one that they no longer wish to be friends, you can’t force it unfortunately. 

Post # 11
1219 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t bother inviting them.  You do not need to worry about drama at your wedding, only happy memories from your wonderful day.  I probably would skip the mom too even with a STD.  She probably knows how it is.

Post # 12
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

ChrissyMary9515:  These people sound exhausting. Honestly, I would just not invite them and move on. All you would be doing is giving them the satisfaction of saying no. Fiance and I just made the decision not to invite his brother’s wife to the wedding. She sounds a lot like your ex-friend over there and in recent years she has just been cruel to me (recently, she excluded me–just me–from her baby shower), and we want to be surrounded by people who support us.

Post # 14
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Normally I would say that once you’ve sent an STD you’re obligated to also send an invitation, but in this case, I’d give you a pass. They pretended like they were willing to put the past behind them and move on, but now you can see that’s not the case.

I’m not sure why these people are in your lives at all, to be honest. They sound negative, manipulative, hurtful, passive-aggressive, and extremely childish. Who knows what kind of drama they might stir up at your wedding? Don’t invite them. If they approach you, you’ve got lots of examples to use to explain your decision. (“Sorry, but our wedding was adults only, and you two behave like a couple of feral children, so …..” ;))

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