Post # 1
Ok… bear with me, this may get confusing and long. There is a couple my Fiance and I have known for years. The husband grew up with my Fiance and they were best friends (FI was the best man at their wedding) and the wife set Fiance and I up. The wife tends to be a drama queen and fights with people for no reason. She’s lost friends time and time again and is known for being “crazy”. She fought with me over everything and we’ve had multiple falling outs but I always gave the girl a second chance because our SO’s were such good friends. Well, about 2 years ago the Husband started getting more dramatic like his wife and they both made enemies and stopped being friends with a lot of our group. He made snarky comments to my Fiance and his brothers and eventually just stopped talking to them altogether with no explination. We had to find out through FB that they were pregnant (this hurt my FI)… we’ve never met their now 1 year old daughter… etc. However, last year when the wife and I went to a mutal friend’s baby shower and started talking. We got along well and said we should put the past behind us. I congratulated her when the baby was born, we texted every now and then, made nice comments to each other on FB, etc. Until she started another drama fight with my Future Brother-In-Law for no reason (started bashing on him AGAIN for cheating on his girlfriend 4 YEARS AGO when he was 21… he is not longer with the girl, she has a new Boyfriend or Best Friend he has a new Girlfriend and it is VERY in the past). So I politely told her I cannot be friends with someone who disrespects my future family and starts this drama for no reason. We are too old and too busy to deal with it anymore.
Fast forward a few months and we’re sending out STD’s. Fiance was very conflicted about sending one to this couple. He deep down wants them there, wants to patch things up, wants to meet their child, but wants all of the childish fighting to stop first. He said he would really regret not inviting them if a few years down the road, they can stop being so immature and we could all be friends again. He was one of his best childhood friends, after all. So we graciously sent out a STD to them and then reached out to ask if they wanted to go to dinner one night with us. Husband responded with a definitive ‘no’. So I called the wife asking if the problems were due to me. If the 3 of them (FI and husband/wife) could go out without me, I would gladly stay home to make sure Fiance had a chance to make ammends with his old friend. She assured me it had nothing to do with me and that her husband was just being stubborn and she would love to be friends again, etc. Found out a few weeks later she unfriended me on FB for no reason (that’s her way of signaling to people that she has a problem with them) and they have not reached out or anything since.
Fiance wants to call the husband and try once again to make things work. But he also doesn’t want to chase down a friend who clearly doesn’t want to make an effort, as he already made the first move and was denied. Does he continue to reach out? And since we have now sent the STD but they are clearly not into making ammends, do we still send an invitation? Hope for the best? Or let it go and send the invites to others?
Post # 2
Then no, invite those you want to support you on your wedding and throughout your marriage. If they cant get it together for a simple dinner then I won’t chance them at the wedding.
Post # 3
Leaving childhood things behind is part of growing up. Sometimes that means people.
Post # 4
In a few years, if they stop being childish and immature, you can resume the friendship if you choose. Having not invited them to your wedding, does not preclude resuming the friendship later.
Right now, I would challenge you to name one thing this couple would add to your lives should you invite them. Friends should be a blessing not a problem.
I do not feel you are obliged to invite them. The husband has made it clear they do not want to see you right now.
Post # 5
I would still invite them to show that my fiance and I are thinking about them and willing to make amends (even though it isn’t your fault at all here!). However, if they don’t meet you guys halfway and decide to not come to the wedding, then that proves that these people are not real friends and are not people that need to be in your lives… so sad to say… But this way, you would have done the best you could to try to include this couple, and you wouldn’t regret anything. If they decide to miss out on your wedding, then it’s their loss… Good luck to you, and congratulations!
Post # 6
I think at this point, it is time to wipe your hands and move on. These people are still immature and will only cause drama in your future.
Post # 7
I get that your Fiance still wants to be friends with these people, but he is committed to the “fantasy” of the olden days of the past and projecting that fantasy into the future. It is NOT based on reality and your Fiance is refusing to see the truth of how things really are because of some illusionary belief that maybe, just maybe, these people are not who they are showing & proving themselves to be — mean, petty, and completely untrustworthy.
People grow and evolve over time, but you absolutely cannot change people. These drama ridden people are very invested in their drama and causing anger/strife wherever they go for NO reason. The way they causing so many problems for other people, they will undoubtedly do the same to you guys.
Part of growing up and getting married is, you learn to have strong boundaries to protect your marriage and to wisely choose to only surround yourself with loving supportive people. These people are NOT your friends and they do not have your best interests at heart. At the end of the day your FI’s friend will ALWAYS choose to side with his harpy of a wife and all her drama filled lies over his friendship to your Fiance.
I would encourage your Fiance to let his friendship go. It’s time you guys focus all your attention on the people who truly do love and care about you. The past needs to stay in the past.
Post # 8
I would not invite them. If you run into each other again just be polite but do not ever count on or make the effort to be friends again. They are not worth it
Post # 9
You are all right. I’ve given the wife many opportunities in the past to change after many “my bad, we were young, I was drunk, stupid petty shit, let’s all be friends again” lies that she used to tell and she always did it again. Like I said, she started drama with Future Brother-In-Law about 4 year old situations and hadn’t even talked to him in years before that. And this was AFTER becoming a mother. We all hoped the child would force them to grow up but it clearly hasn’t. It’s time for us to move on.
But now, does it matter that we sent them a save-the-date? Or just disregard that?
On the other side, I didn’t add this in my OP because I was trying to keep it shorter…. we also sent save-the-dates to the husband’s parents. As Fiance and him grew up together, Fiance was very close to his mother. Even after the husband stopped communication with us, Fiance would still text the mother often to see how she’s doing (he even congratulated her on becoming a grandmother, without congratulating her son). Well, since we sent her the STD we haven’t heard anything from her. Again, Fiance and the mother texted/talked often so it was expected she would have said something. Since she hasn’t, we are assuming the couple got to them too and they don’t want anything to do with us anymore as well. Do we cut their invite out as well?
Post # 10
You got your answer when the husband responded to your dinner invite with a ‘no’. Some friends you just outgrow over time, people change and move off in different directions. There’s no need to send an invite to the wedding and your SO needs to just let things be. This couple has made it clear in more ways than one that they no longer wish to be friends, you can’t force it unfortunately.
Post # 11
Don’t bother inviting them. You do not need to worry about drama at your wedding, only happy memories from your wonderful day. I probably would skip the mom too even with a STD. She probably knows how it is.
Post # 12
ChrissyMary9515: These people sound exhausting. Honestly, I would just not invite them and move on. All you would be doing is giving them the satisfaction of saying no. Fiance and I just made the decision not to invite his brother’s wife to the wedding. She sounds a lot like your ex-friend over there and in recent years she has just been cruel to me (recently, she excluded me–just me–from her baby shower), and we want to be surrounded by people who support us.
Post # 13
MrsMeowton: That’s terrible of her to exclude you! How does the brother feel about her not being invited to the wedding?
Post # 14
Normally I would say that once you’ve sent an STD you’re obligated to also send an invitation, but in this case, I’d give you a pass. They pretended like they were willing to put the past behind them and move on, but now you can see that’s not the case.
I’m not sure why these people are in your lives at all, to be honest. They sound negative, manipulative, hurtful, passive-aggressive, and extremely childish. Who knows what kind of drama they might stir up at your wedding? Don’t invite them. If they approach you, you’ve got lots of examples to use to explain your decision. (“Sorry, but our wedding was adults only, and you two behave like a couple of feral children, so …..” ;))
Post # 15
loveinfinitely: They aren’t even really in our lives the past few years. We live in a small town and have a close group of friends so while that couple has pissed off 90% of our group, there is still 10% that talk to them/about them etc so they are still… lingering I guess.
Yeah, I think their invite is getting lost in the mail for sure. I guess I just needed reassurance that we weren’t assholes for not inviting his best childhood friend (even though they suck) and that we don’t need to “be the bigger people” and invite them.
P.S. “Feral Children” is DEFINITELY going in my vocabulary bank for future use. hahaha