- 3 years ago
I would like to ask for your help regarding my family situation which seems to be very difficult. I am sorry for such a long message in advance. My DH is half Japanese/Dominican and we met and got married in Japan. Currently, we have been together for four years and we live in Asia.
My DH’s family is quite in a complicated situation for over 20 years: his father (who is Japanese) came to Japan 20 years ago and since then he has been working here (as a blue-collar worker) while sending money back home to my husband’s mother and two sisters. His mother back in South America almost never worked since she thinks its her husband’s responsibility to provide for their family life. My DH sisters are grown up: one is 33 years old (she is with a kid) and another one is 26 years old. Their father paid for their education (including university). My DH came here 13 years ago to work with his father, but managed to get a loan to pay for his university (his father didn’t pay for it), got educated and has been working in a good company. Basically, its all good for us as a couple, we both work, have a stable income and work towards a bright future. We are yet to have kids (btw, I am 26, he is 30), but we are planning in 2-3 years.
Now, the problem is that his father turned 65 and he doesn’t have any pension since he didn’t pay for it for last 20 years. He is still working here in Japan, but we all know that in 2 – 3 years, he wouldn’t be able to work and send money to South America like he did it before. In addition, my husband’s family didn’t manage to buy any property there and have been renting an apartment for all the life. When I went to visit them, I saw that despite all these factors, their lifestyle is very good: his mom and sisters live in a huge 4/5 rooms apartment, in a good neighborhood, they have a house lady who lives with them. His mother doesn’t work, his 26 years old sister doesn’t work and the only person who works is his older sister (she has a kid). They go out, dress up very good etc. His mom sold her family’s apartment 2 years ago and was planning to buy an apartment for their family on that money, but for some reason it didn’t happen. When we talk about this, they make an excuse that good apartments are expensive and with the money they have, its only possible to buy a smaller apartment in a not so good place. In addition, his 26 years old sister finished her university last year, and got proposed by her boyfriend over a year ago… but they extend they marriage plans, she doesn’t work and live on money her father is sending them.
When we met I knew the situation of my DH family, but at that time his father planned to open a family business once he is back in South America, and I hoped for the best. Over 4 years, I realized that nothing like this is going to happen. I am afraid (and what is most likely to happen) that once his father is unable to send money, my DH will have to take the responsibility and send a monthly allowance for his family back in South America. His mother doesn’t mention it, but I feel that she expects it (for example, two years ago when his older sister’s husband disappeared, his mother wrote him that he should send money monthly to his sister and her kid).
I know that we all help our families in case of emergencies, or health problems, but I am absolutely disagree with sending any monthly allowances. I don’t want us pay for their financial mistakes, and I want to make a good future for my family and my future kids. That’s why I have been trying to talk to my husband about this, trying to ask him to talk to his family to buy a house at least, or for his younger sister – to find a job… but for my husband it is always a sensitive issue and we end up fighting. He tells me he understands me, but at the same time, he tells me he doesn’t want to choose between two families etc…
Do you think I am wrong? Should I act differently? What kind of advise can you give? How should act or what should I do?
- This topic was modified 3 years ago by ChristineJp.