Post # 1
I have an etiquette question for everyone. I have close family members who have already told me that they won’t be able to make my June 2009 wedding. Though I’m slightly insulted as to their excuse (they’ve already planned to have dinner that same night with their in-laws for their in-laws’ anniversary?!), I don’t want to do the improper thing etiquette-wise. Because I’m usually close to them, am I supposed to still send them my save the date, and later, an invitation anyway?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t necessarily send a save the date, unless you have extra. I would still definitely send an invite. They may reconsider- or they might tell their in-laws that they’re missing your wedding for their dinner and their in-laws may do the right thing and tell them to go to your wedding.
Post # 4
wow. they’re missing a close family member’s wedding for a dinner? geez, how far ahead to people plan anniversary dinners these days? haha I’m speechless.
Post # 5
Hum, that’s a tough one (and weird, I’ll admit, but I have family like that too!). We’re sending magnets with our save-the-dates, so if I were in your position I might give them a magnet the next time I saw them (they don’t say save-the-date on them), only because I think they’d like it, and skip mailing a card. If I was just sending a save-the-date card for the purpose of alerting people on the date, I’d just send an invitation. After all, who knows, their plans could change by next year??
Post # 6
Why don’t you send a save the date card, and include a little note that says, "We remember that you might already have plans on our date, but if your plans happen to change we want you to know that we’d love to have you at our wedding!" Regardless of the fact that they can’t come, they might feel slighted if they don’t get a save the date but they hear that other family members did. Conversely, they might feel like you didn’t listen to them by sending a card when you already knew they were busy. Thus sending the card makes them feel included and your note lets them know that you remember their circumstances but want to make the gesture to make sure they feel included even though they might not come.
Post # 7
i’d send them a save the date… they are close, and if it wasn’t for the dinner, they’d be coming. so maybe they’ll wise up and come, or at least feel happy that you invited them anyways. i had three cousins who were in finals the week of the wedding, and said they couldn’t come because of that. i sent them invites anyways, and just included a note saying if you can make it, great! if not, we’ll see you at the next family gathering.
Post # 8
I love chelseamorning’s idea! Practical and classy.
Post # 9
My fiance has some family overseas that we know won’t be able to come, but I’m sending them everything anyway so they don’t feel left out.
Post # 10
We did exactly what chelseamorning suggests – for Save-The-Date Cards, and for some invitations. I’m not sure if people tell you waaaay in advance that they won’t be able to attend in order to save you an invitation? However, they were all on our list, and we definately would still have wanted them there if their plans changed. And we did have a couple of people who rearranged their schedules in order to attend, after originally telling us that they couldn’t make it, so that was actually really nice.
Post # 11
Thanks for all of the suggestions guys! I think that if we have any extras, I AM going to send a save the date with a little note saying that they will be missed, and reminding them that they are still invited in case their plans change. I’m glad I got everyone’s input on this – I was a little put off by my aunt’s email so I wanted second opinions on how to handle this. I actually asked their adult daughter (my cousin) to be my bridesmaid too, and this was how I found out her answer was no. My family is so odd sometimes, it’s a good thing to get outside opinions!
Post # 12
I also did what chelseamorning suggested and those who received the Save-The-Date Cards were excited enough to include them on their refrigerators and sign our website guestbook. Our wedding webpage has a line to the effect of "this webpage will provide a sneak peek of the wedding for those who can not make it and will be updated with pictures after the big day." That way, guests can still have a "virtual" experience.
Post # 13
If you’ve got extras – sure. But otherwise I would just send them an invitation because its nice.