Post # 1
I have quite a few guests who traveled to my wedding (not destination, just out of their town) who did not give a card or gift. In this situation, do I send thank yous? (just for attending the wedding?)
One particular instance that I don’t want to do the wrong thing- my cousin (who did not give a gift or card) lives with her mom (my aunt, who gave a very generous gift) because she ran into some financial hardships after her divorce several years back. I obviously wrote my Aunt a thank you for her generous gift… what do I do? My cousin will obviously see the thank you since they live together, and I dont want to make her uncomfortable when she sees the thank you card we sent to her mom or think I am being backhanded by thanking her for no gift, but I don’t know if that is best handled by me NOT sending a thank you, or a thank you that is just about her attending the wedding?
please let me know what you did in these situations/ how you would handle!
Post # 2
I attended an out of town wedding for a good friend of mine. She requested no gifts for out of town guests, which I appreciated since I spent almost 500$ to attend. She sent a person thank yu note that her and her fiance signed and it said thank you for attending our special day. I would send one to all guests who attended.
Post # 3
I don’t know the technical etiquette here, but it definitely wouldn’t hurt to send a thank you note to those attending. I personally would, but I send thank you notes for a lot of occasions (i.e. if someone I’m not particularly close to takes me to dinner). They did travel and take time out of their lives to celebrate, so I think it’s definitely worth acknowledging!
Post # 4
The standard is that with a few exceptions, thank you notes are for gifts. It’s actually etiquette inappropriate to write one for attendance since it can be seen as a passive aggressive gift grab.
The fact that your cousin lives with her mother does not enter into it.
The reception itself is the thank you for attendance. Actually, though many people don’t seem to know this, the correct thing would have been for your cousin to write you a note to tell you what a beautiful wedding it was and thank you for hosting her.
Post # 5
I’d address the thank you note to your aunt and cousin. It’s the nicer thing to assume the gift was from both of them, and I’m sure your aunt won’t mind sharing the credit with her daughter.
Post # 6
thank yous are for gifts. Otherwise its just an awkward elephant in the room/note. Hey thanks for the lovely…. presence! You already thanked her for her support by wine-ing and dining her at the reception.
Post # 7
I think you have to follow the aunt’s lead. Unless she signed the cousin’s name to the gift, a combined note would be neither accurate or appropriate. You’d be thanking the cousin for a gift she had nothing to do with, which could be embarrassing to both of them.
Post # 8
I don’t know. I would probably send one. I would say something like, “Thank you for coming and spending the day with us. It means so much that you took the time to witness our union and celebrate the start of our marriage. It wouldn’t have been the same without you!”
Post # 9
I did not have a destination wedding, however I did have a few guests who did not give a gift. I really struggled with this, in the end I did end up sending a thank you note for those who took the time out of their day to celebrate with us even if a gift was not given. It’s a tricky situation for sure. Still not sure if I did the right thing, but I did truly appreciate their attendance and was not trying to be passive aggressively “gift grabby”. All I can hope is that they know me well enough to not assume such a thing! 🤷🏻♀️
Post # 10
Perhaps the Aunt’s gift was extra generous because she knew her daughter was not in a position to give a gift. In which case, I think a card thanking your cousin for attending would be a nice gesture. Something simple acknowledging the need to travel and indicating your appreciation of her presence.
Post # 11
The reception is how you thank guests. Sending thank you cards is for people who went above and beyond attending your reception by bringing a gift. It’s technically inappropriate to send thank you cards to people who didn’t bring a gift because, in many circles, it’s perceived as pointing out the person didn’t bring a gift.
Post # 12
The reception and the receiving line (or visiting tables) are to say your thank-yous for attending. Thank you notes/cards are for gifts because you were unable to thank them directly. Etiquette is quite clear on this; you do not send thank-you cards for attendance only.
Post # 13
The wedding reception is the thank you for attendees. A card is the thank you for gifts. Anything otherwise is not proper etiquette.
Post # 14
If you’re writing handwritten heartfelt notes, they’re definitely only for gifts. I have a horrible time doing that for some reason so I usually opt for photo cards from cvs or wherever and send them to everyone for attending. I know or friends don’t particularly want pictures of our baby on their fridge, but they did think they were nice when they opened them, and family loves any photos of us, and they definitely give more of an “everyone received this” vibe that’s not passive aggressive. Generally when people go above and beyond I add another, handwritten card within the envelope, but everyone gets a cherishable photo card and seem to appreciate them.