Post # 1
My husband and I seem to be at odds about an intimate matter and I would like some opinions. The last few times we had sex I spoke up about the fact that when I finished first and he kept going it got painful for me. I suggested that in the future if I finished first if we could find another way (other than penetration) to get him to the finish line so that I wouldn’t be in pain I would appreciate it. So tonight we had sex and I finished first so he stopped. I tried moving on to using my hands, but he wasn’t interested and was pouting about the fact that he wasn’t getting what he wanted. So, was he out of line or was I?
What I’m upset about is the fact that if he finishes first, besides just not being able to stay up, he gets sensitive too so I can’t go on. I’m either done for the night or let him help me out by other means, but I don’t complain about it.
My question to you is do you have any advice or ideas as to how I can solve this problem? Do you and your man both get sensitive after orgasming to the point that it hurts to go on?
Post # 3
He needs to be considerate and respectful of your needs–and from the sound of it, he is not. You need to have a big talk with him about this. He shouldn’t be pouting about not getting what he wants.
FWIW, my FH and I don’t have this problem, per se, but sometimes he does finish first which makes me a bit frustrated. Still, it’s the emotional connection that matters most to me (most of the time, anyway), so it’s satisfying even if I don’t quite get there.
Post # 4
I agree that he needs to be sensitive to your needs. He shouldn’t want to cause you physical pain by doing something that hurts you. I don’t have this problem of being too sensitive after orgasm though.
Post # 5
Well, if you become uncomfortable he should stop! Seems more like his problem than yours. If he’s going to act childish and selfish about it, you know? I think the fact you want to try and help him afterwards should be enough.
How long have you been sexually active? I know when I first started having sex I used to be very sensitive after climaxing, but over time it hurt less and less. Sometimes I’ll still get very sensitive and need him to just not move for a couple of minutes and then he can continue. Have you tried that? – Him staying in but just not moving until you feel less sensitive.
Post # 6
Fiance & I have this problem because (sorry, it may be TMI) if I finish first I get dry and I can’t continue. I think foreplay would help so you are both ready to go. Also, what about the use of toys as far as clitoral stimulation that you’re both able to finish together?
Post # 7
Lilybee: We’ve been having sex for about a year. I’ve been dealing with vaginismus since we started having sex and I’m a lot better but I’m still a bit more sensitive than most down there I guess. I also don’t like the feeling of him hitting my uterus when he goes really deep, but he loves going deep! Ugh! With vaginismus I sometimes feel pain when he first enters so I tried to go slowly, but if I stop for too long he goes soft so I don’t know that stopping for a few minutes with him inside is an option. Perhaps just taking a break for a few minutes and then starting all over might work though.
CaraMia10: With vaginismus I’m in the least amount of pain when I’m in control and on top so I often finish first that way, but perhaps trying other positions and using toys may work. Thanks for the suggestion.