(Closed) Sensitive RSVP situation

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

I would call them up and congratulate them on their new baby and ask how he/she is doing.  Then say something like “I know you have a lot going on and I really hate having to ask this becasue it seems so minor in comparison, but I just need to know if you and John will be attending our wedding.”

Most friends will know that you aren’t being insensitive but rather just trying to get a final headcount.

Post # 3
Member
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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Cluelessbride10:  What were their plans before the baby was born? Did she think she’d still be pregnant or was she planning on attending with a newborn? Or getting a sitter for a newborn?

I honestly would imagine even someone with a perfectly healthy baby would decline a wedding invitation a couple weeks after birth. Not only are they adjusting to no sleep and she’s recovering from birth, but that’s a lot of people/germs to be around and carry home to baby. 

I would probably just shoot over a text or call, check up on mommy & baby. They’ll most likely just give you an answer without you having to ask. 

Post # 4
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee

You can ask, but only ask after checking in on the new things going on in their lives. It may be that they don’t know yet if they’ll be able to attend if their child is having some health issues. You may find after talking to them some, it may be better to leave the question off the table and count them out.

Post # 5
Member
877 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - His Way Church & Chesapeake Room @ Downs Park

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Cluelessbride10:  I would call and just ask how they are/how the baby is and just feel the conversation out for an appropriate opening to ask about the rsvp. You could even just talk about them/the baby/other things and then right before you hang up, say, “Oh, by the way I almost forgot, will you be coming to the wedding?”

Post # 7
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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Cluelessbride10:  Call. Obviously ask about the baby first and how mom is doing. It is likely they forgot all about the RSVP, and your wedding in the midst of everything they’ve gone through. I don’t think its rude to call, as long as you focus on them and make the RSVP an afterthought. 

Post # 8
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I would call and chat about the baby, how they’re doing, etc. If they bring it up great but if they don’t then call or text or whatnot later and be like “oh yeah, I forgot to ask, but”….. 

Post # 11
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Simsbury 1820 House

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Cluelessbride10:  Don’t be scared! Why would you be scared? Checking in on mom and baby is a nice thing to do. I don’t think she’s going to jump down anyone’s throats because they care about her.

Post # 12
Member
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Scared? Really? Ask your SIL for her number. Sending a note is very impersonal.

Post # 13
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would call and ask about the baby but I would not personally bring up the wedding. At all.

If you’re chatting with her, she may bring it up the wedding on her own. But honestly, I would probably just count them as a ‘no’. I can’t imagine they’d be going to a wedding in a couple weeks given their current situation. If they show up, will there be some wiggle room?

If it’s absolutely vital that you know concretely if they’re coming or not, why not have your FI’s sister ask? If she’s more her friend than yours it would make more sense. Also, if it comes from you it may look more “I’m more concerned about my own wedding than your baby” (which I’m sure you don’t mean at all!) but if it comes from the sister, it will seem just like genuine curiosity

Post # 14
Member
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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Cluelessbride10:  I would call or text them and say ‘hey. congrats on the new addition, I know you have a million things on your mind right now and I hope everything is going well with baby XX.  I understand that it’s probably the farthest thing from your mind right now but do you think you guys are going to be able to make it to the wedding?  I have to get final numbers in by XX if you could let me know before then I’d really appreciate it’

 

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