Post # 1
Member
11 posts
Newbee
I know there are lots of posts on here about TTC after a MC, but I havent seen anything about TTC after terminating a pregnancy. Some of you may remember about a year ago when I had a very unexpected, unplanned pregnancy. I decided at the time to terminate and I know in my heart I did the right thing for myself and my family, as hard as a decision it was to make.
Well, my husband and I are now talking about starting to TTC in the fall and I am dealing with a lot of feelings like I don’t deserve to have a kid now, or even how to react to a BFP with how my reaction was last time. I get jealous of friends who are overjoyed with a BFP because I wish that had been my reaction last time.
I know I may not get much feedback here with such a touchy issue, but if anyone has TCC or gone on to have a family after deciding to terminate a pregnancy, how did it go? Did you have any of the same feelings as me and if so, how did you deal with them? Thank-you:)
Post # 3
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
If you’re ready now, then there’s no guilt to feel or be had. You weren’t ready before, you weren’t hoping to get a positive result. This time it’s different. If you’re ready then it’s time. Good luck to you!
Post # 4
Member
13951 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I can’t relate to you specifically (not TTC, never terminated) – but you have to get to a place where you know you deserve to have a child that you will love unconditionally. Have you thought about seeing a psychologist to help you get through some of the lingering after effects of the termination before you move forward TTC? Good luck!
Post # 5
Member
5089 posts
Bee Keeper
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know if it will help to know that the vast majority of women who have abortions are either mothers already or become mothers later. It’s easy to get the message from anti-abortion propaganda that there are two kinds of women, “mothers” and “aborters,” but in fact they’re usually the same.
So abortion does not at all mean that you don’t deserve to have a baby. As
mwitter80 said, it just means you weren’t ready then, and you are now. Good luck and big hugs.
Post # 6
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
Sweetie, you need to forgive yourself. I agree with Abbie, maybe some counselling will help. I cannot give you advice, i have not been in your situation. But i really hope that you can move on from this, and enjoy the process of pregnancy without the guilt.
Post # 7
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
10 years ago, a dear friend of mine and his ex girlfriend got pregnant when they were both in college and she decided to terminate the pregnancy. At the time, he supported her, but since then he has always had a certain level of guilt and regret over the decision, and it eventually led to them splitting up. Now he and his wife are TTC and are having problems and I know he feels, however irrationally, as though he is being punished. I have told him that’s not the way that God or the universe or whatever works, but that is hard for him to believe when he is hurting.
All that to say you are not alone, and I wish this issue were discussed more. It is OK to feel how you feel. *hugs*
Post # 8
Member
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I’ve never been in your position but I don’t think that you should feel guilty. You did what was right for you and your family at the time. You have just as much of a right to TTC now as anyone else. I know people who terminated and went on to have slews of beautiful children years later, when they were ready.
Good luck!
Post # 9
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
@brokenbee: I agree with PP’s….you should try not to feel so guilty.
@mwitter80: has it right, you weren’t ready then and you are now. Try to focus on all the amazing things you’ll be able to give your baby now that you wouldn’t have been able to at the time- whether it be stability, your full attention, a home, etc. I apologize because I didn’t follow your initial story so I’m not 100% sure why ou decided not to keep the previous pregnancy. But regardless of the reason, you obviously now feel that you’re able to (and WANTING to) provide the things you couldn’t before.
Give yourself a break and dont’ be so hard on yourself:)
Post # 10
Member
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
You might find some helpful reading here: http://hopeafterabortion.com/
I think what you’re feeling is normal, but I agree with what others have said. You weren’t ready then, and you are ready now. Good luck, hon.
Post # 11
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
- Wedding: November 2011 - Palma Sola Botanical Park
@brokenbee: I sent you a PM 🙂
Post # 12
Member
2861 posts
Sugar bee
I have never been in your shoes, but you need to forgive yourself. You did what was right for yourself and your family and there is no shame in that. You did a responsible thing by accepting you were not ready to be a Mother. Now you are ready to be a Mother and congrats! I wish you all the best of luck and please be kind to yourself. You may not go through all the same emotions and it’s expected to reflect back on the previous pregnancy, but please do not let that tarnish the joy of this upcoming experience. You *deserve* to have a wonderful pregnany and childbirth experience.
Post # 13
Member
11 posts
Newbee
Thank you ladies for the support! I know I can always count on the bee to make me feel better:) I really want to experience all the joy and emotions (good and bad) that come with pregnancy. I guess part of me just feels like there are so many women out there who want so badly to be a mother but cant be, that I dont deserve to be a mother when I chose not to be but had the option. If that makes any sense. I will definitely definitely go see a therapist a few times before we actively start TTC but wanted to see if there were any others here who had experienced the same feelings! Your support means a lot:)