(Closed) Sensitive subject…TTC after terminating a pregnancy?

posted 10 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

If you’re ready now, then there’s no guilt to feel or be had. You weren’t ready before, you weren’t hoping to get a positive result. This time it’s different. If you’re ready then it’s time. Good luck to you! 

Post # 4
9986 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can’t relate to you specifically (not TTC, never terminated) – but you have to get to a place where you know you deserve to have a child that you will love unconditionally.  Have you thought about seeing a psychologist to help you get through some of the lingering after effects of the termination before you move forward TTC?  Good luck!

Post # 5
3214 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know if it will help to know that the vast majority of women who have abortions are either mothers already or become mothers later. It’s easy to get the message from anti-abortion propaganda that there are two kinds of women, “mothers” and “aborters,” but in fact they’re usually the same.

So abortion does not at all mean that you don’t deserve to have a baby. As mwitter80 said, it just means you weren’t ready then, and you are now. Good luck and big hugs.

Post # 6
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Sweetie, you need to forgive yourself. I agree with Abbie, maybe some counselling will help. I cannot give you advice, i have not been in your situation. But i really hope that you can move on from this, and enjoy the process of pregnancy without the guilt. 

Post # 7
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

10 years ago, a dear friend of mine and his ex girlfriend got pregnant when they were both in college and she decided to terminate the pregnancy. At the time, he supported her, but since then he has always had a certain level of guilt and regret over the decision, and it eventually led to them splitting up. Now he and his wife are TTC and are having problems and I know he feels, however irrationally, as though he is being punished. I have told him that’s not the way that God or the universe or whatever works, but that is hard for him to believe when he is hurting.

All that to say you are not alone, and I wish this issue were discussed more. It is OK to feel how you feel. *hugs*

Post # 8
6377 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve never been in your position but I don’t think that you should feel guilty. You did what was right for you and your family at the time. You have just as much of a right to TTC now as anyone else. I know people who terminated and went on to have slews of beautiful children years later, when they were ready.

Good luck!

Post # 9
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@brokenbee:  I agree with PP’s….you should try not to feel so guilty.

View original reply
@mwitter80: has it right, you weren’t ready then and you are now.  Try to focus on all the amazing things you’ll be able to give your baby now that you wouldn’t have been able to at the time- whether it be stability, your full attention, a home, etc.  I apologize because I didn’t follow your initial story so I’m not 100% sure why ou decided not to keep the previous pregnancy.  But regardless of the reason, you obviously now feel that you’re able to (and WANTING to) provide the things you couldn’t before.

Give yourself a break and dont’ be so hard on yourself:)

Post # 10
4858 posts
Honey bee

You might find some helpful reading here: http://hopeafterabortion.com/

I think what you’re feeling is normal, but I agree with what others have said.  You weren’t ready then, and you are ready now.  Good luck, hon.

Post # 12
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have never been in your shoes, but you need to forgive yourself. You did what was right for yourself and your family and there is no shame in that. You did a responsible thing by accepting you were not ready to be a Mother. Now you are ready to be a Mother and congrats! I wish you all the best of luck and please be kind to yourself. You may not go through all the same emotions and it’s expected to reflect back on the previous pregnancy, but please do not let that tarnish the joy of this upcoming experience. You *deserve* to have a wonderful pregnany and childbirth experience. 

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