(Closed) Sensitivity after miscarriage

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh, sweetie……Massive amount of hugs your way, across the Atlantic!!! It must be sooo hard dealing with so many babies and pregnant friends all around you :-(..i miscarried once and for a long time i could not even see a pregnant woman on the street without feeling absolutely terrible. Yes, envy, saddness, a longing..

It will take time..hold on to that little girl of yours and hopefully in the near future you will hold another little person..truly, truly hope so..

Post # 4
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh sweetie…I wish I didn’t know how you feel, but I do. I miscarried after 8 weeks and had to go through a D&C as well. I didn’t feel normal for almost 3 months after my D&C. It was the hardest and one of the darkest times of my life. It’s so hard b/c your hormones are still trying to level out, and you feel anxious and sad about everything. And to top it off, there were 10 pregnant women who I saw on a daily basis. So it was in my face ALL. THE. TIME. I felt like God was playing a very evil trick on me. 

My best advice is to do your best in holding it together while you’re talking to or seeing the people who you’re supposed to be happy for. Act happy for them, even if a part of you is dying inside. Then, when you’re by yourself, cry…seriously. I threw a pity party for myself every time I was alone after going through one of those situations. I think it helped me heal just a little bit each time. I’m not going to say that it’s easy at all or that you need to get over it…b/c that’s what everyone told me to do. And I wanted to scream at those people that they have no idea what it’s like to lose a child. I will tell you that it slowly gets better. It’s going to feel like an excruciatingly slow process, but eventually, you’ll start to feel like yourself again. Until that happens, don’t be afraid to cry or even complain on WB. If you don’t want to complain publicly, PM me…I’ll be glad to listen!

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Aww this is difficult. I think you can be a supportive friend, but still put your self and needs first at this moment. Even if you hadn’t miscarreid I think your friend sending you all those scans is a bit much. Perhaps calmly and gently telling her that you would prefer her not sending you so much scans. That is something she should be sharing with her husband.

YOu can support friends and people from afar will taking time for yourself to heal.

Post # 8
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@wooster:  First I want to say that your friend should not be texting you updates like that. If that were my friend I would hold it back for a few months as I would not want to remind you of that.

Maybe tell her you are happy for her but you just need to not be reminded weekly and tell her you will tell her when it is ok to remind you…just give you a few weeks to mourn. 

I just had a friend go full term and during delivery all types of things went wrong and she lost the baby after 18 hours straight of the doctor’s working on her little girl. Worst part, she gave birth on the same day as her 1st cousin. So as her 1st cousin is now celebrating and posting pics on facebook…she is in mourning and burying her full term baby.

She called her cousin and congratulated her but told her she needs some time and not to take that distance as any love lost, but just as her mourning process. She has kept away from facebook and only 3 weeks later is doing much better. Her milk and everything came in and she has full hormonal levels of a new mommy going so it is very difficult.

You will get through this, but just try to take time for yourself and do the things you need to do!

Post # 11
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@wooster:  Oh honey, I’m so sorry about everything you’re going through.  I don’t have any advice, but I do have *hugs* for you.

Post # 12
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

im so sorry to hear what you’re going through!

you absolutely deserve some time to grieve. can you take some time off of work now? can your husband gently let people know to lay off the constant baby talk for a while?

Post # 15
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I read somewhere that it takes you the same length to “adjust” as it took to happen, and that’s if it wasn’t extra traumatic.  So, you were 11 weeks pregnant – give your *body* 11 weeks to heal.

Now – I have had 3 miscarriages (4 weeks, 8 weeks, 12 weeks) and I find the further along you are the harder they are… not only physically, but mentally.  You need to allow yourself to grieve.  You deserve that.  Personally, when I miscarried at 12 weeks I think it took a good 3 or 4 months for me to feel back to myself again. 

It may be worse to tell your friend to back off with the texts than to just delete without reading, that’s a tough call but it’s kind of insensitive for your friend not to notice what you’re going through.  Or ask your husband to read and respond for you anytime you get a text from her.  Some phones you can “route” texts automatically so you don’t have to read them.

Your hubs may have no idea what you’re going through.  He may be greiving in his own way.  He may not want to show how he feels because he feels you are hurting more.  It’s hard to tell.  But MOST guys will do what you need them to do if you tell them specifically what you need.  So, say to him….. I need you to find a babysitter so you and I can spend some time together.  And I’m going to cry and babble, but I need you to hold me and play with my hair.  or whatever you need. 

Above all…. be good to yourself.

 

 

 

 

Post # 16
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

To be honest, it’s sort of taboo to talk about here in the states too. It’s as if no one wants to hear the bad news. Or if they do hear the bad news, they want to immediately make it better. That’s why it’s so hard to talk to friends who haven’t gone through what you have.

My SIL was a prime example…she was great during my miscarriage, but she told me she had no idea what I was going through until she herself had a miscarriage about 4 months later. It’s just really difficult to relate unless you’ve gone through it. People can be incredibly sympathetic, but they can also be very flippant and want you to just bounce back to your normal self…and it’s not always that easy. So take all the time you need to feel better…you’ll need it!

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