(Closed) Sent gift 2 months after wedding, no "thank you" received.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Was I terribly rude and deserve no "thank you"?

    If it isn't on time, it is your own fault.

    She is the rude one- you acknowledge a gift no matter when it is received.

    You're both wrong and OP got what she deserved for having poor manners.

    Something else???

  • Post # 3
    4500 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    A hundred bucks is not paltry at all, and there’s nothing wrong with when you sent it. I clicked on this expecting to tell you to be patient about the acknowledgment, but considering that (a) she already cashed the check and (b) she managed to find the time to ask you where your gift was (!!!), I’d be pissed, too, if I were you. 

    Post # 4
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think it was rude of her to ask about your gift!

    $100 is plenty generous for a wedding, especially since you traveled!! We didn’t get gifts from some of our guests, but it meant more than enough to us that these were people who had traveled very far to come to our wedding. Also, $100 was on the higher end of wedding presents that we received.

    However, plenty of people procrastinate/don’t have time to write Thank Yous right away. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and wait a little longer before calling her rude. Maybe you’ll get your thank you soon! 

    Post # 5
    2818 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Doesn’t matter if you gave her a check for $5, $10 or $100. She should of definitely mailed you a thank you card. I find it extremely rude of her to cash the check and never send you a thank you.

    Post # 6
    7659 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    Your friend was rude to fish for a gift in the first place, and is also wrong for not acknowledging ANY gift, regardless of when it was sent. Indeed, you should have received a note of thanks simply for attending. However, if you did not give the gift with a warm heart and will hold a grudge for not receiving a note, then you never should have sent it in the first place. Try to let the whole thing go. It sounds like you are two very different people and in two very different places in life. I would move on and not expect to hear from her again; she sounds like a very self-centered person, so maybe it is for the best.

    Post # 9
    9950 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    TO @whatsbest:

    Etiquette Snob here… lol.

    In all honesty as much as it would be NICE if everyone were top drawer and wrote their Thank Yous in the hours immediately following the occasion… that rarely happens.

    AND if someone is planning to send out Photo Thank Yous which a lot of Couples choose now, I’ve found to my own surprise / embarrassment that those can take quite awhile to come together (longer if someone runs in Photographer issues… there was a Bride on WBee just yesterday who got married in the Winter… and she is just now getting her Proofs back from her Photograper… more than 6 MONTHS AFTER THE WEDDING… and still has to go thru the process of ordering Prints and the Photo Cards that she longs for… even had a special photo taken on her Wedding Day for them)

    So ya, stuff can happen unfortunately.

    My latest position is not to fret about such things.  If I get a Thank You at all, I consider myself ahead of the game.  (As sadly more and more “Couples” don’t send out Thank You Cards at all)

    In return for a Thank You Car, I now make a note and send the couple an Anniversary Card on their significant Milestones… 1st, 5th, 10th, etc

    They remember me… I remember them.

    Hopes this helps,


    Post # 10
    3680 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    She never should have asked you about a gift, but it has only been six weeks since you sent the check. I’d cut her some slack and give her some time. I know Emily Post says to send thank you notes within three months of the wedding — I’m not sure how that applies to gifts received at a later point.

    Post # 11
    9950 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Ooops, I meant to note that you did nothing wrong.  When it comes to an “occasion” a Gift is a BONUS not an expectation (well within reason… most folks do acknowledge occasions with a gift)

    So NO you did nothing wrong.  Any Gift given is better than none.  And a gift should be what you can afford and how close you are to the person of honour… when it comes to Weddings how much they spent for example should not come into Questoin (the “cover your plate” concept is not correct, despite the fact that many Modern Brides like to say so… lol, that is cause honestly they are being rude and gift grabby hoping they’ll guilt their Guests to “giving back in kind” … preferably in cash… to offset the cost of things… soooo uncool)

    Therefore I VOTED – SOMETHING ELSE in your Poll


    Post # 13
    2450 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    the fact that she even confronted you about not finding a gift from you is quite rude… because of situations like this when someone just can’t afford it. makes her seem a bit gift grabby.


    as far as i understand it, guests have up to a year to give gifts (if they want to give any at all), but the couple has a month to send out thank yous.

    Post # 14
    3680 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My wedding was four weeks ago and we haven’t mailed our thank you cards yet. We see many of our friends who came to the wedding/gave gifts on a daily basis. I think it’s kind of an awkward thing to bring up, “hey coworker! Did you get that report done? Oh btw, thanks for the measuring cups.” I think our plan is to let the thank you cards do the talking for us.

    Be forewarned — many people believe that they have a full year to send out thank you cards. That’s total BS, but I’d give your friend a little more time with hers.

    Post # 15
    11267 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @whatsbest:  i cannot believe that she had the time to ask you where your gift was but no time to send a thank you. 

    i had all of my thank you cards out within a few days after the wedding.

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