Post # 1
Regular bee gone anon…
I went to a wedding of an old college roommate last May. I had to pay for a hotel and to board my dog which cost a couple of hundred dollars. I was also right in the midst of switching jobs that had alternating pay weeks and my money was just off for about 6 weeks.
The bride emailed me the day she got back from her honeymoon saying she couldn’t find my gift, did I put it in the right place. I explained that I was a bit strapped but would get something to them ASAP.
I sent a check just under 7 weeks after the wedding- it was cashed that week. Yes, it was only for $100, but I went without a date and pregnant so wasn’t drinking. Plus I haven’t seen her in over 10 years. And really, that’s all I could afford. She is from north Jersey, very wealthy- she wore 2 different pairs of Louboutins that day; drives a Porsche etc. I realize it may seem paltry, but it’s the best I could do.
Anyway, now it has been over 6 weeks and there has been no acknowledgment that she received my gift. No email and surely no thank you. I’m pretty offended- etiquette gives you a year to send a gift- I was well under that.
Do you think she is justified in not acknowledging my gift since it was sent after the wedding? I am regretting even sending it now to be honest.
Post # 3
A hundred bucks is not paltry at all, and there’s nothing wrong with when you sent it. I clicked on this expecting to tell you to be patient about the acknowledgment, but considering that (a) she already cashed the check and (b) she managed to find the time to ask you where your gift was (!!!), I’d be pissed, too, if I were you.
Post # 4
I think it was rude of her to ask about your gift!
$100 is plenty generous for a wedding, especially since you traveled!! We didn’t get gifts from some of our guests, but it meant more than enough to us that these were people who had traveled very far to come to our wedding. Also, $100 was on the higher end of wedding presents that we received.
However, plenty of people procrastinate/don’t have time to write Thank Yous right away. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and wait a little longer before calling her rude. Maybe you’ll get your thank you soon!
Post # 5
Doesn’t matter if you gave her a check for $5, $10 or $100. She should of definitely mailed you a thank you card. I find it extremely rude of her to cash the check and never send you a thank you.
Post # 6
Your friend was rude to fish for a gift in the first place, and is also wrong for not acknowledging ANY gift, regardless of when it was sent. Indeed, you should have received a note of thanks simply for attending. However, if you did not give the gift with a warm heart and will hold a grudge for not receiving a note, then you never should have sent it in the first place. Try to let the whole thing go. It sounds like you are two very different people and in two very different places in life. I would move on and not expect to hear from her again; she sounds like a very self-centered person, so maybe it is for the best.
Post # 7
@liliwo2016: you’re right that she may just be taking her time. I felt a lot of pressure to get the gift out so I guess I was looking for a more immediate acknowledgment. I mean I sent it on a Monday and it was deposited by Friday- the hustle was to the bank but not the post office I see!
@stillme: thanks- I was really wondering if I was just being uptight…
Post # 8
@echomomm: I was under too much pressure to have a warm heart! I know how she is and while I’m not surprised she asked about the gift- she is all about money- I’m surprised about her rudeness! We email in a group with the rest of our roommates almost weekly, so I am reminded of it all the time when I see her in those emails!
Post # 9
Etiquette Snob here… lol.
In all honesty as much as it would be NICE if everyone were top drawer and wrote their Thank Yous in the hours immediately following the occasion… that rarely happens.
AND if someone is planning to send out Photo Thank Yous which a lot of Couples choose now, I’ve found to my own surprise / embarrassment that those can take quite awhile to come together (longer if someone runs in Photographer issues… there was a Bride on WBee just yesterday who got married in the Winter… and she is just now getting her Proofs back from her Photograper… more than 6 MONTHS AFTER THE WEDDING… and still has to go thru the process of ordering Prints and the Photo Cards that she longs for… even had a special photo taken on her Wedding Day for them)
So ya, stuff can happen unfortunately.
My latest position is not to fret about such things. If I get a Thank You at all, I consider myself ahead of the game. (As sadly more and more “Couples” don’t send out Thank You Cards at all)
In return for a Thank You Car, I now make a note and send the couple an Anniversary Card on their significant Milestones… 1st, 5th, 10th, etc
They remember me… I remember them.
Hopes this helps,
Post # 10
She never should have asked you about a gift, but it has only been six weeks since you sent the check. I’d cut her some slack and give her some time. I know Emily Post says to send thank you notes within three months of the wedding — I’m not sure how that applies to gifts received at a later point.
Post # 11
Ooops, I meant to note that you did nothing wrong. When it comes to an “occasion” a Gift is a BONUS not an expectation (well within reason… most folks do acknowledge occasions with a gift)
So NO you did nothing wrong. Any Gift given is better than none. And a gift should be what you can afford and how close you are to the person of honour… when it comes to Weddings how much they spent for example should not come into Questoin (the “cover your plate” concept is not correct, despite the fact that many Modern Brides like to say so… lol, that is cause honestly they are being rude and gift grabby hoping they’ll guilt their Guests to “giving back in kind” … preferably in cash… to offset the cost of things… soooo uncool)
Therefore I VOTED – SOMETHING ELSE in your Poll
Post # 12
@This Time Round:
you’re right. I guess it is awkward for me because she felt strongly enough about it to email me immediately and we are in pretty frequent contact. If it were me, I would even just send a quick note “I got your card and check” kind of thing. I’m surely over thinking it and just needed to get it off my chest.
Post # 13
the fact that she even confronted you about not finding a gift from you is quite rude… because of situations like this when someone just can’t afford it. makes her seem a bit gift grabby.
as far as i understand it, guests have up to a year to give gifts (if they want to give any at all), but the couple has a month to send out thank yous.
Post # 14
My wedding was four weeks ago and we haven’t mailed our thank you cards yet. We see many of our friends who came to the wedding/gave gifts on a daily basis. I think it’s kind of an awkward thing to bring up, “hey coworker! Did you get that report done? Oh btw, thanks for the measuring cups.” I think our plan is to let the thank you cards do the talking for us.
Be forewarned — many people believe that they have a full year to send out thank you cards. That’s total BS, but I’d give your friend a little more time with hers.
Post # 15
@whatsbest: i cannot believe that she had the time to ask you where your gift was but no time to send a thank you.
i had all of my thank you cards out within a few days after the wedding.
Post # 16
@cmbr: agreed- I don’t think I would mind if she hadn’t reached out to me and we weren’t emailing so often. I never really notice how long it takes normally. Feels like the elephant in the room.