Separate beds?

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 16
Member
5004 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2018

I think giving it some time first is a good idea! I have never, ever been able to sleep with people touching me. Ever. But after months of naps with my Boyfriend or Best Friend and him coming over early in the morning to get in bed with me, I got used to it. And now when we do spend the entire night together, I can fall asleep just fine. 

Post # 17
Member
784 posts
Busy bee

It took me well over a year to adjust to sleeping with my Darling Husband. I am a light sleeper & he is a snorer. I like it quiet & pitch black, he likes the tv on. I ended up buying custom fit earplugs specifically for sleeping (tiny & comfortable to sleep on) and I use a mask every night. There are rare occasions now that I end up moving during the night but even with these things, it just took time to adjust (& it sucked hard core in the beginning!!!). But I’m glad we worked through it so we can sleep together. 

Post # 18
Member
42 posts
Newbee

Vem922 :  there’s a foam mattress brand called Helix that lets you customize each side of the bed. Foam is very good about not transferring movement. My husband and I got one recently and love it – finally I can have my soft warm mattress and he can have his firm cold one, lol! It was about $800.

Post # 19
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

We sleep in the same bed almost all the time now. We’ve gone through periods of time where one sleeps in the bed and another on the couch. 

Post # 20
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My husband and I have separate rooms. We tried to share a bed at first, but after a few months of total sleep deprivation on my part we decided on separate rooms. We both like having our own spaces in the house and it works well for us. Do what works for you!

Post # 21
Member
615 posts
Busy bee

I would seriously contemplate it in the future if it gave me a better sleep.

I dont feel I need to sleep next to my man for us to have a deeper relationship or anything. Sure its nice but if its not practical then… I’d take sleep anyday.

Post # 22
Member
2677 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Vem922 :  I’ve actually known a few couples wuth mattress issues that resolved it with 2 twin mattress pushes together to form a king size bed. 

Post # 23
Member
844 posts
Busy bee

We have separate rooms. I tried ear plugs for about 8 months when he first moved in but decided I didn’t want to live like that (uncomfortable). We do sleep together if we are traveling but the quality of sleep suffers.

Post # 24
Member
2298 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

I’ve heard it called a sleep divorce 😅

I’m a super light and restless sleeper. Luckily FH mostly doesn’t snore, but I wake up at the slightest provocation. I also toss and turn a TON which keeps HIM awake. 

I’d say about 35-40% of the time, if I’m not getting settled, or he starts to snore, I’ll go down the hall and sleep in the guest room. We always start out in the same bed, but I’m not going to lose sleep over sentiment. 

FH was kinda bummed about it at first, but agrees we both need good sleep to be happy. 

Post # 25
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2020

Ive always sucked a sharing a bed. King size in a hotel, i can share, but it is not an option in our tiny apartment. I spread out when I sleep. We are living together and have two double beds. One on a frame, the other is a box springs and mattress on the floor at the foot of the other bed.

I work day shift he works 3p-11p, so we sleep separate but we make the intimacy stuff work (your bed or my bed).

Hopefully when married we can upgrade to at least a queen

Post # 26
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee

my parents have slept in separate beds as long as i remember. I think the sometimes separate beds can be a marriage saver. Nothing distroys relatioships than being cranky from not sleeping well.

Post # 27
Member
658 posts
Busy bee

SO would never have it.  Us sleeping separate.

But he doesn’t really snore or anything.   He has the occasional crazy dreams from being an infantryman. Think I’ve been hit before (not hard but still wth lol). 

I’m very big on my own space when I’m sleeping so I just tell him to “get on his side”. I can’t cuddle and sleep which hurt his feelings for a while but it is too hot and uncomfortable. 

Post # 28
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Me and my fiance sleep in separate rooms. He snores, sweats, and makes noises and I’m an extremely light sleeper (I’ll literally wake up if he moves).
He also works shift work and either his alarm is going off 1.5 hours before mine or he’s coming home 1.5 hours before I have to get up.

It’s much more peaceful and I have much more space in my own bed – I think it helps us keep our sanity.

We’ll often watch tv in bed and then I’ll leave when I want to go to sleep. Sometimes I’ll sleep in “his” room on weekends but I’ll usually end up leaving pretty quickly.

 

My parents also don’t sleep together and they’ve been married 30 years. I think it’s personal preference and how well you can adapt.

Post # 29
Member
9454 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

my parents have been married for 30 years this year and they do it. 

don’t worry about what other people think, just do what works for your marriage.

 

Post # 30
Member
265 posts
Helper bee

Not an all the time thing, but I sleep in the guest room 2-4 nights a week. Darling Husband prefers that we sleep in the same bed but on days where I need an early start the next day or I’m particularly exhausted, I’ll sleep in the guest room. We’ve been doing this since our fourth or fifth year of dating I think.

 

Once I’m asleep, there’s really no difference, but I fall asleep much faster when I sleep alone. Darling Husband tends to talk, move, and fart (!) in his sleep and it keeps me from nodding off for a bit. People thought this was wierd partiularly while we were dating but it works for us. We’re no less attached or intimate with each other because of it.

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