Separate beds?

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 31
69 posts
Worker bee

We don’t live together yet, but after many nights sleeping at each others’ places in queen beds, we’ve determined that a California king will be needed. It’s more on my part because I cannot stand to be touched while sleeping, and he turns into a starfish. I’m usually miserable. Separate beds will be up for discussion if the California King doesn’t work in the future. Sleep is too much of an important part of an essential human need for me to not consider it. 

Post # 32
1593 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I couldn’t imagine sleeping separately from Darling Husband. Have you tried falling asleep first? My mom snores like a freight train, and this isn’t how my parents do it. Although, my dad snores too. He will go to bed, snore. Then my mom goes to bed and he stops snoring and she picks up where he left off. 🤷🏻‍♀️


I dunno. The best part of my day is snuggling with Darling Husband and chatting and sharing things as we fall asleep. 

Post # 33
577 posts
Busy bee

My parents have been married for over 30 years and are still very much in love. Sometimes when I visit and I walk in the kitchen and they will be embraced or flirting with each other…

However my dad is a snorer!! They go to bed together and then when my mum can’t handle it anymore she will get up and sleep in the spare room…but during the weekend she tends to go back to their bedroom to watch tele in bed with my dad in the morning 

so it definitely can work 🙂

Post # 34
3854 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

We had separate beds when we first moved in together, because neither of us was willing to give up our beds! It was great. If it helps you, then why not do it. We now have a king bed that we share and I wouldn’t personally go back to separate beds, but it definitely made the transition period better. For a long time my parents also had two single bed ensembles pushed together.

Post # 36
50 posts
Worker bee

Vem922 :  My parents slept separtely because my dad was such a bad snorer. I remember when we went on vacation and had to stay in a hotel for a night, he slept in the bath tub.

In a past relationship, I slept half of the week by myself for a year because of our work shifts. I didn’t want to be woken up due to being a light sleeper.

I eventually got ear plugs. Then, I just got used to it when I didn’t want to sleep alone. 

I don’t see a problem with it, to each their own.

Post # 37
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Vem922 :  same room, same bed, separate covers. Because otherwise we would fight over them. He used to snore.. got tested and diagnosed eith sleep apnea. He now sleeps with a neat little mashine and it’s awesome because before he got I couldn’t sleep.

Post # 38
21 posts
  • Wedding: May 2014

Due to work changes, different shifts – we rarely share a bed anymore. He works 11p-7a and sleeps in the basement bedroom because it is darker/quiter.  I work day shift and sleep in master.  Intimacy we make it work: “your place or mine?”

Post # 39
724 posts
Busy bee

So, here’s the thing: I’m sure lots of couples do this and they are still madly in love and have super healthy relationships. However, for my last relationship, this was a horrible idea. We were both so busy with work that we didn’t see each other much during the day and then not even sleeping together made it more difficult. In addition, my parents also do this and they are basically divorced without the legal separation. They are not in love, at all. But I’m sure if you two are madly in love and put in the effort, this could work perfectly fine!! Sleep is important, can’t really function during the day without adequate sleep. 

Post # 40
1502 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

We sleep in separate beds for many reasons: 


My bed is plush, his bed hurts my back. 

He gets up at 5 I get up at 7. 

I overheat sleeping next to someone and then I can’t sleep. 


We do sleep together on the weekends and when we go on vacation. 

If we had similar schedules, he would probably try to sleep with me more lol 

Post # 41
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - City, State

In the past I’ve shared a king size bed, but had separate covers. This prevented either of us from stealing them and was nice when paired with ear plugs, but still didn’t resolve all the comfort issues.

Now my fiance and I sleep in separate rooms when we need to get up at different times or one of us is feeling unwell (so about 4 times a week) and together the rest of the time.

He snores and I’m a light sleeper, so this works well for both of us. I do miss him sometimes, but I also like to stretch out. 😉 It hasn’t impacted our sex life at all and we still cuddle before we go to our different rooms every night.

Do what works best for you. 🙂

Post # 42
5143 posts
Bee Keeper

kayelayes :  wait so how does he get a cold mattress? Does it have a temperature adjustment? This sounds perfect!!

Post # 43
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

My husband and I love sleeping in one bed.

However, there have been similar threads and there are always a lot of Bees who sleep separate from their husbands/FI and they have great relationships. I would do what makes you happy! A good nights sleep is super important smile

Post # 44
2162 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

So I’m coming to this thread a little late, but my SO and I are in almost your exact situation! I am a heavy sleeper, but will wake up when someone snores that moves like crazy when I sleep (I act out my dreams a lot), and likes a very firm mattress due to back issues. My SO is a light sleeper that wakes up every time someone moves or talks near him, snorer who likes a plush mattress. 

When I first moved in, we decided to sleep on my mattress becase it is firm and the way the coils are he doesn’t feel me as much if I move around. The first couple of months, I spent more nights in the guest room than our room and he slept on the couch a lot – just due to wanting to actually get sleep! I recently threw out my back so had to sleep in our bedroom. He just prefers sleeping there, he doesn’t like the guest room (with his bed in it!) for some reason. Anyway, we’ve actually both been sleeping really well. I think we have finally just gotten used to sleeping together! It took a while, but we got there (or we’re both just so tired from not sleeping most nights, we just pass out!). 

Anyway, I really wanted to sleep in seperate beds when I first moved in. We did a whole year of not sleeping well together whenever I stayed over before I moved in, and the first few weeks were tough on us both! But he is a cuddler (gross! get off me when I sleep! ;)) and has to fall asleep touching me. And honestly, now I have a hard time falling asleep when I’m by myself! I have to hug a pillow or something! So, I don’t think seperate rooms are bad, but if it’s really important to one of you to sleep together, you can get used to it, it just takes a little bit of time! 

Post # 45
658 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think much of it if other people do it. I noticed old married people do it. 

But instead of us getting seperate bedrooms I just tell him to stay on his side of the bed. I can’t cuddle and sleep. Luckily no snoring YET. I think once we get a bigger home, the bed will follow as well… Because as long as he stays on his side of the bed, we are cool.

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