(Closed) separate beds?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My husband and I always stayed together at and with my parents.  When we would stay at my MILs, it was always separate rooms.  The first time we stayed after we got married she sweetly offered us her room so we could stay together, but I just couldn’t kick her out of her own bed.  🙂  It’s definately not any commentary on your relationship.

Post # 18
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My parents don’t mind if we stay together (my mom views it as one fewer set of sheets to wash afterwards) but at Future In-Laws we stay in separate rooms (even though we are engaged now).  But I understand and respect that…We will probably have the same rule with our kids.

Post # 19
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Fiance and I have been living together for 5 years and engaged for about a year. We still have to sleep in separate bedrooms when we visit my parents. It’s a bit annoying (especially because we’ve been dating for six. freakin. years.), but it’s out of respect to my parents. It has nothing to do with how my parents view our relationship, but rather that they are both conservative/old-fashioned and don’t believe that we should be sharing a bed before marriage.

Post # 20
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

We didn’t share a bed at my parents’ house until we were engaged.  

Post # 21
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

While I can respect this, I think it’s kind of ridiculous.  If my mom told us we had to sleep seperately, I’d laugh at her.  We’re two grown adults, we’ve both had kids, we can sleep in the same bed.  we live together too!  I’m not going to let my mom tell me I can’t sleep in the same bed or room as my Fiance.  Especially since her and my step dad lived together UNMARRIED for 8 years before they finally got hitched…same goes for my dad!

Post # 22
Member
3306 posts
Sugar bee

I am confused – what is the reasoning behind this? I am sure they know you are already having sex so….? I can understand the respect issue but if you are already moved out and living with your boyfriend…. how would sleeping in separate beds be different?

Post # 23
Member
2739 posts
Sugar bee

When I went to visit the house AFTER I got engaged, we didn’t sleep in the same room. Not that anyone would have minded but I’m from a very conservative culture and it wasn’t even open for discussion etc. It just isn’t expected. If I did, I don’t know what my mum would have said but I’d rather not.

Post # 25
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

awe man!!! I know how you feel! My parents don’t really care as they figure since we live together why not. Plus I think they trust me not to be a crazy shag animal at their house. lol. But then we go to his parents, and we have to stay in seperate rooms. Kinda makes me feel bad since most of my friends are married and they all get to sleep together wherever they are. I do try to be understanding though since it is their house and such. I know what you are feeling though for sure!

Post # 26
Member
10363 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yeah…because separate beds mean that you can’t have sex (about 1,000 things wrong with that line of reasoning!).

Sorry your parents are totally out of touch with the reality of 95% of today’s relationships!!

Post # 27
Member
492 posts
Helper bee

Neither of our parents are that way but I am. Although we live together and have been for about 2 years I still do not sleep in the same bed or room with him when we visit his mom and family out of state. Just out of respect in my opinion. We’re not married yet.

Post # 28
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

My parents wouldn’t let us share a bed or room at their house until we were married.  It was super frustrating, especially when we were engaged and living together.  My parents are suuuuper old fashioned and conservative that way.

Post # 29
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Ohhh yes my parents are the same way! I guess it’s more abou the idea of you sharing a bed ya know? “things that happen in the bedroom” *gasp* It’s just uncomfortable for parents i think.

Post # 30
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My mom did  not care if we shared a room however my now husband’s family did. We were never allowed to share a room and my Father-In-Law would wake up periodically to check we were both in our proper places (lol). However in January my husbands grand father passed away and my now husband was allowed to return from duty in Korea to attend the funeral. While we were talking he was like this is BS I am sleeping with you. So we stayed at his brother house, no problem. Well we (the family) stayed at a hotel the night before the funeral and my then Fiance and I were allowed to share a bed (we had to share a room with his brother and wife) but it made me finally feel accepted, oddly enough so I know how you feel (after 6.5 years) 

Post # 31
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

I could understand parents being uncomfortable with unmarried couples sharing a bed, but honestly, you live together. Do they think you’re just going to go at it the moment you’re in a bed together? They can’t be so naive as to think that at your own place, the two of you don’t share a bed. I think it’s somewhat fair, although also rude, to stipulate which adults can or can’t sleep in a bed together. And even moreso on a vacation – especially if you are paying your own way, what right do your parents have to tell you where you and your boyfriend can sleep?

My parents were very strict with me (well into my early 20s) about me even laying in a bed under the blankets with a boyfriend. I still recall, a few months into my relationship with my current boyfriend, being very sick. My boyfriend chose to stay until very early in the morning to take care of me. I was freezing and under the covers, and he climbed under to help keep me warm (despite me repeatedly warning him he’d get sick, too). About that time, my parents walked right in – then complained and complained and complained about what they saw afterwards. I was running a 103 degree fever and throwing up constantly. But I was sure concerned about getting it on in that bed!

It was a huge fight when I informed them that I would be staying the night with my boyfriend. They stopped giving us grief when we moved in together, but I also stood my ground too. But what’s important to you here – standing your ground about treatment you feel is unfair by your parents, or just dealing with their stipulations so you can go on vacation? I disagree with those who are saying it’s only ‘respectful’ to sleep in separate beds when told by your parents – unless this is something they ask of you in their own home, which of course they have the right to request. But in places other than their home? It’s disrespectful for them to ask, demand, or even TELL you where you can sleep.

If I were invited to such a vacation, I would say, “I’m glad that you would invite us on this vacation. But Ralph and I both sleep in the same bed, and that’s how we prefer it to be. So, sorry, we’re going to have to pass on this one until others are comfortable with us sharing a bed.” You’re a grown woman. Don’t let your parents push you around or enforce their own moral code on you like you’re a child. You aren’t.

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