(Closed) Separate finances: How would you feel about sneaky HUGE puchases?

posted 6 years ago in Money
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  • Post # 3
    Member
    1042 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I’m not married, but I would not be alright with it. It may be “his” money, but if something went wrong and he was unable to pay off the loan (or however he is paying for these things) it would hurt both of us.

    Post # 4
    Member
    964 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I have more money in savings than FH going into our marriage. I can afford to spend more, but I’m generally a saver. If I wanted to buy anything big, I’d still consult him. I’m starting to look for a car and want to pay cash out of the money I’ve saved and I’ve been discussing it with him every step of the way. I think he’d do the same.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9686 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @UpstateCait:  I agree with you.  In our situation some of our finances are combined and some are separate, mainly because we each have a son, and they go to different colleges.  I believe in complete and open disclosure and honesty, especially when it comes to money.  We have agreed that we’ll discuss any large purchases with each other prior to making them, regardless of which account the money comes from. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    9550 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My best friend’s parents started a policy when they were just married and broke. They couldn’t buy anything over $100 unless it was discussed and agreed upon by both of them. Several decades later they are MUCH more comfortable financially and their DVD player broke. So dad went out and bought a new one. It cost $120. This is a drop in their proverbial bucket at this point. But mom still got mad that he’d gone over the limit. Not really mad, just more joking mad. But still. I think it’s a good policy. Maybe just adjust the amount to each couple’s current finances.

    Post # 7
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee

    First of all, “they have a baby whom my friend is solely responsible for” – WTF?

    *ahem…. I think it depends. My Fiance and I have a joint account which we both put a different, specific amount into each week. We do not earn the same, so we do not put the same dollar amount. Also, that account pays for my car, my student loans, my house, our food and utilities, our phones, our insurances, our pets. So you see, it pays for a lot of MY stuff 🙂 If Fiance were somehow able to save enough money to PAY CASH for a motorcycle, and he never consulted me and just came home with it one day, i would be pissed. I’d be pissed because I woudl feel like he did a secret thing. not just a secret thing, but one that would make OUR insurance cost go up, and that could KILL HIM. As far as the house flip thing goes, I wish he had the money to do that. but he doesn’t, so i can’t even fathom it 🙂 I guess i think the house flip should be a joint decision. i mean, when he sells it, is that money JUST HIS? or is he going to share? Is that his business, flipping houses? or just a whim side thing? 

    I just my final answer is that I think, in a marriage, a few things need to be true: money issues need to be transparent to an extent, and always need to be open for discussion and “on the table” no matter whos money it is (not talking about small purchases – clothes, electronics, etc) but if the “individual’s purchase will affect the couple as a whole,  it should be discussed.

    Also, Both parties need to be on the same page with whatever is decdided about HOW to handle money, and it sounds like your friend and her guy are not on the same page.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2320 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    We have separate accounts be we still actively talk about our finances.  The only things that we don’t consult the other person on are daily purchases like lunches, etc.  We are both over spenders (and I have some debt to show for it!) and so talking things out like if I want a new dress or something is vital to us keeping spending in check and also to keep building our savings. 

    On another note, what’s with your friend being solely responsible for the child? Is it his kid?

    Post # 9
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee

    @JenGirl:  I think this is a very good idea. And, of course, like you said- each couple should decide together what “policy” will work for them. For us, it’s $200 after a bad snowblower decision by Fiance

    Post # 11
    Member
    10571 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I don’t get the whole separate finances while married thing, unless there is a good reason for it.  To me a good reason would be something like an addiction, mental illness or something similar.  In that case, one person would be responsible for the finances of both, and they shouldn’t be making a huge purchase with the input of their spouse.

    When it’s a married couple with completely separate finances and no issues where one spouse needs to watch out for the other, then it’s each their money and they can do what they want.  This is one of the reasons why I don’t get the idea of separate finances; not critizing those if it does work for them though.

    Post # 12
    Member
    6512 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Oh my goodness, I would be LIVID!  Fiance and I have our own accounts and a joint account for bill paying, but if either one of us is spending more than $100 on something, we usually consult with the other.  It is not a rule, but we do it because we are a team.  When we are married, and our finances are legally bound, that will be even more true.  I cannot imagine the gall someone would have to make a purchase in the thousands, let alone tens or hundreds of thousands, without at least talking to thier spouse first!  Unless your friends are truly in the 1%, the husband is so entirely ourt of pocket, it is not even funny. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee

    Not cool, in my books.  I mean, I have seperate checking and savings account from Darling Husband (that he has no access or rights to), and I would tell him that I’m planning on going on a shopping spree, even though I’d most likely be using “my” money.  If roles were reversed, I would expect the same open communication from him.  Buying huge items like that (we’re talking THOUSANDS of dollars here!) without even a peep is disrespectful to the spouse, IMO.  You’re a UNIT now, and that includes finances, even if you have seperate accounts.  Like you said, its less money for the family!

    Post # 14
    Member
    4416 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I think I’d even be mad if he made a big purchase FOR ME without consulting me! Some family friends started making the big bucks about ten years ago, and they sort of got in the habit of giving each other cars for Christmas/birthdays. Seriously, the Beamer with the big bow on it.  I can’t imagine spending that kind of money, even if it’s a gift for your spouse. You talk about that sh*t first!

    Post # 15
    Member
    949 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Yeah, that sounds like some pretty big symptoms of even larger problems. I would definitely not be ok with that scale of failure to communicate! Fiance and I do not plan to combine finances, and his salary is higher than my prospective one (oh yeah, and I’m currently unemployed, so that’s interesting as well) so I can see us having some things to work out over time as to how involved we are in each others’ finances.

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