(Closed) Separate Vacations in a Marriage? Why / Why Not?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you be comfortable taking a vacation without your spouse and vise versa?
    Heck yeah! My DH gets on my nerves, and I'd like some girl time. : (78 votes)
    48 %
    No way. I don't want my DH out with his college buddies. They have questionable morals. : (7 votes)
    4 %
    Yes, but I'd want to lay out some ground rules before DH goes off to Vegas. : (43 votes)
    26 %
    No, I'm not comfortable vacationing without him. I'm offended he'd want to be away from me. : (36 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    10572 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Right now, no.  I don’t see enough of Darling Husband as it is.  If I saw him more during the week, I would be find taking separate long weekend trips or something.  Other than that, I would want to spend my vacation time with him.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1213 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I’m all for seperate holidays. Not always, but they can be a good idea.

    Fiance and I have very seperate interests when it comes to travelling. I love art, architecture, gourmet food, history etc. Fiance would rather saw his arm off than come to a museum with me. So in 2014 I plan to spend 6 weeks to 6 months in Europe without him. I might go with my bestie, or alone.

    However we do plan to holiday together if its something we’ll both enjoy, like the beach, or skiing.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @StuporDuck:  I said no I would be offended he wanted to go somewhere without me, but I think he would be the more offended one. He complains about how he can’t sleep when we go to our hometown because I stay at my parents and he stays with his (they live 3 miles apart so its not like we’re that far apart). I’m all for staying at one house or the other, but I think the house we don’t stay at will be sad. I have gone on many trips without Fiance though. I studied abroad for 3 weeks and did a 3 month internship without him. He was invited but couldn’t go because of work. He was pretty annoyed about me “leaving him”.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1650 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I wouldn’t want to do this as a matter of habit, like, “Oh, yes, Jack will be taking his vacation this year in Fiji and I’ll be traveling to Alaska.”  But I do think we will need to have those times when I take a weekend trip with the girls or he goes somewhere with the guys.  Basically, I’m not okay with an arrangement that makes it feel like we’re just living separate lives.  But sometimes you do want to go away with friends.  I could never agree not to occasionally go somewhere for a couple days with my friends, and I would never expect him to agree to something like that either.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1774 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I know a couple that never travels together! They just kind of….meet in the middle. He likes adventuring and she likes relaxing. She ends up heading back early so he can wander around the desert at 3am looking for rocks.

     

    They seem to really work, though. Totally cool people.

     

    I don’t see a problem with it, but it also depends how much vacationing you do I think. For people who travel a lot or have really flexible schedules I think it matters less. If I were in a situation where we both got 1 or 2 weeks a year on a limited income I’d want to spend it together.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1284 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Darling Husband and I weren’t married at the time but we’d been living together for two years when I went to Europe with a girlfriend for six weeks.

    Darling Husband wasn’t at all interested in travelling (he’s one a fair bit through the military) so while I swanned around he was busy renovating 🙂  I had a fantastic time without Darling Husband as it wasn’t really the kind of holiday we would have enjoyed together, it was also something I needed to do for myself (we had separate finances at this point so I paid my own way on my trip).

    Now that we’re married I would be ok with short vacations away from each other, as it is Darling Husband goes on golf trips with boys two or three times a year.

    I can see why some couples wouldn’t be ok with separate vacations but I how I felt would depend on the type of vacation on offer!

    Post # 8
    Member
    667 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Well I really want to travel abroad, my future Darling Husband isn’t interested unless their is fishing or hunting involved. He thinks going to Canada every year is a big trip So I will prolly travel with my sister instead. No big deal, I am still going to have to do some convincing for him to let me go though. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee

    We both like to travel and have taken trips seperately. Darling Husband went to the World Cup in South Africa with a friend and I attended a wedding of a college friend alone (each required a week of vacation and neither of us could take both weeks so close together so we agreed this allowed us each to do what we wanted. He also went on a vacation with his high school friends last year without me and I did a girls weekend without him. At the same time, we had 2 longer vacations together so it all worked fine. This year, we see each other less and have agreed to not take seperate vacations because our vacation days are important time for us to spend together. So far, we have not been able to commit to more than 4 days at once together for vacation due to both of our schedules. At this point, I would be upset if he wanted to take a week long vacation with friends that I could not attend but a weekend with the boys is fine by me.

    Post # 10
    Hostess
    7561 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I’ve read that it’s healthy to take vacations apart every now and then. It makes sense as it means you don’t have to force him to do things you want to do and vice-versa. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2815 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Fiance and I often take short trips without each other.  Nothing over about 5 days though.  I think it’s important to have girl time and for him to have guy time.  I’m not interested in going to video game conventions, so he goes with his friends.  He’s not interested in girlie time in NYC, so I go with my friends.   We still talk while one of us is away though.

    Post # 12
    Member
    519 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Maybe in the future we could take separate trips, but I don’t think we will ever be likely to.

    Right now, no way. We are so busy in our daily lives that we are really looking forward to a vacation together with lots of quality time. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    4693 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m not totally against the idea, but right now neither of us would be cool with it.  We have so little time off that going away seperately would mean we don’t get to vacation together that year.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2196 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    This post is funny for me today – i literally just dropped hubby off at the airport for his annual boys trip to VEGAS! Lol.  This is their 4th year, and just because we are married i don’t think it’s fair that he doesn’t go. He is with an awesome group of guys – most are married/engaged/with kids and they are just there to watch NCAA basketball and have a few (several) drinks. I trust all of them as well, have met most of them and know he is in good hands 😉

    I leave for West Palm Beach next week with my mom and sister, so we each get a long weekend away, just not together. We spend lots of time together during the week, do trips together often and this is the one time a year where we do our own girls/boys trip –  i actually think it’s healthy and really brings us back together when we’re home.

    BUT… as the poll indicates, Vegas always comes with rules! LOL. However, i beieve if you can’t trust your spouse 100% (even in “sin city”) there are bigger problems. I trust him with my life, i trust him to make good decisions while he’s away and know he’ll have a graet time wtih his friends and be happy to be home at the end of the weekend.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2463 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    the only times we’ve done separate trips is if they’re work-related or a bachelor/bachelorette parties, or if I go visit my parents for a weekend, in which case they aren’t really “true” vacations that we’ve planned on our own. we have similar preferences for vacations, so we normally go together if we’re taking a pure vacation trip

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