(Closed) September 11th and Fridays in general????

posted 10 years ago in Venue
Post # 3
Member
10 posts
Newbee

if it were me, i wouldn’t want my wedding anniversary to be on 9/11, when the whole nation is in mourning a world-changing tragedy. 

other than that, i think friday receptions are quite common now.  and much cheaper too!

Post # 4
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m having a Friday night wedding.  This is going to sound bad, but I’m hoping people we’ll get more declined RSVP’s because of it.  We’re inviting almost 500 people and this is just immediate family and friends!  If you go with a Friday, just expect that some people might not be able to make it because of work reasons. 

As far as Sept 11, I think it’s up to you and your Fiance if you are ok with having this date.  There will always be news coverage of the attacks on your anniversary and that is something you guys will need to decide if you can deal with.  Although you weren’t involved, it seems like most, if not all, Americans were effected.  I personally don’t see a problem getting married on 9/11.

If you decide against both of the dates you listed, can you do an early Oct wedding or is that too late? 

Post # 6
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I would go for the Friday in June.  It’s only two months earlier – I’m not sure that will make a huge difference as far as finances go, but if it does, maybe you and your Fiance can chip in, or maybe Future In-Laws will help out.  And if people are going to have to travel during the week, I think that June is much easier on people with kids.  The younger kids will be back in school by September, and college aged kids will be just starting back, both of which may make it harder for parents to travel during the week.  It’s hard to imagine if you don’t have kids yet, but getting everybody off to college/back to school is a pretty big deal, and a lot happens in the first few weeks that you really have to be around for. 

As far as Friday weddings, I don’t think its an issue.  The last three jobs I’ve had work either 4-10s or every other Friday off, and I think that is more and more common.  Taking a single day off work is not such a big deal, if you really want to go to the wedding.  Taking two days is more of an issue, but our wedding was on Saturday, and EVERYBODY who had to fly travelled on Thursday anyway – probably because the plane tickets were sufficiently less expensive that it made it worthwhile to take an extra day and treat it like a little vacation.

And honestly, I don’t really think that we need to treat 9/11 like a day of mourning year after year.  And I actually had friends involved, not all of whom made it out.  While I’m still sad about that, I am actually more pissed off than anything by the annual "mourning" of people who didn’t actually lose anyone.  I prefer to have something going on that day that ensures that I don’t spend it thinking about loss, and the other people I know who were personally affected seem to feel the same way.  So as long as the date doesn’t bother YOU, I would go ahead if you feel it’s the best timing.

Post # 7
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Personally I wouldn’t have it on Sep 11 (and I’m not even American). Even if you’re fine with having it that day you may have guests attending who would find this disrespectful. I think maybe the best thing to do is to choose another day just to ensure that you are not interferring with other people’s views on this dat. (This date is likely still available for that reason).

Personally I am not into the Friday wedding. I find it kind of odd to host an event during a time when the majority of people will be at work. For people who only have a set number of holidays per year with their jobs it will entail them taking a day off which they may rather use for something other than a wedding. I would personally only take the day off if it was a very close friend or family member. 

I had a similar conversation with some friends recently (as a friend hosted her wedding on a Friday) and we were all in agreement…..

 

Post # 8
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Hi! I too am a fellow friday bride. And- coincidently- *June 26th* is our wedding date!

Honestly, I am not a fan of friday weddings- at first. Not until I saw all the benefits… the way we figured it would be good for us was: a) a thousand dollars cheaper for us @the venue, & some caterers have minimum rates that have to be met for bookings on weekends that we avoided. b) most of my guests will be out of towners from the other side of the country- and would most likely be there the whole week anyway. c) Perhaps less guests would be able to attend- not making us feel bad that we are having a small gathering anyways! Plus those who want to be there, will be there anyway no matter if it rains or shines d) it’s still summer, people aren’t going to blink twice about taking a three or four day weekend. And the friday date will just be that ONE YEAR- subsequent yrs/anniversary’s obviously will fall on different days. e) And we could still do a breakfast brunch the following morning. Not to mention I am in graduate school and naturally have saturday and sunday off to de-stress before going back to the grind seeing how I don’t have that summer off.

 I was actually pleasantly surprised by how many of the guests expressed they were looking forward to that weekend because they are all incorporating some aspect of it into their vacation plans; One friend is going to drive up the coast with her other buddies on her way up to our wedding, another is looking forward to leaving her children for a ‘weekend getaway’ with her husband, and a third friend is taking her Mother-In-Law who has never been to Northern Cali! (We are getting married in Napa) Many of our guests actually did not cringe at the thought of a friday wedding. But maybe it’s because of the location that our friends/family like the idea of going, they can take advantage of their weekend off sight-seeing, wine tasting, relaxing. We didn’t get any grief from our friends- and honestly- we have been to two other friday weddings in the past year alone (one was in October and the other in February). I wouldn’t shy away from the whole ‘friday wedding’ idea.

Many of our guests are flying out Wednesday to Wednesday- thus it is cheaper for them as far as flights because they aren’t booking weekend flights. Also it’s cheaper for guests because they would only need to book one weekend accomodation instead of two thus the overall rate is more affordable.

But that is how we justified it. We had the same problem you did- but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Post # 9
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

What about a Sunday afternoon/early evening? Let people figure out their own plans for staying overnight or not on Sunday night, that’s not your problem. Bonus: Sundays (and Fridays) are usually cheaper. I don’t see a problem with a Friday evening affair, though I personally wouldn’t want to be fretting ALL DAY before a later schedule.

That’s not very helpful, is it. Sorry…..

Post # 10
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

As someone who was severely impacted by 9/11, I can tell you that having your wedding that day would not be an insult, insensitive, or crass — it would be exactly what we would want you to do. There is a reason why Giuliani officiated a wedding the weekend after it happened: because love is greater than violence. If you choose that date, do so knowing that the love of thousands of families will be with you.

As far as a Friday night wedding goes, I am of the opinion that anyone who bitches about your choice of a wedding date can stuff it. If it is important to them and they truly care about sharing your joy it won’t matter if your wedding is on a Friday, a Saturday or a Tuesday — they will be there gladly. 

Post # 11
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Wow… I was in almost the exact same situation as you!  When I found my venue (around May of this year), it had no Saturdays and only Sunday, July 5th and Friday, Sept. 11th of 2009 available.  We were looking so far in advance because my sister is actually getting  married this weekend, so I wanted to space the weddings out at least 9 months to ease the financial burden on my parents (since they insist on paying for both our weddings).

Honestly, we were not in love with either of those dates… so we took a risk and asked to be placed on the "waitlist" for any Saturday from the end of June to the end of September.  We figured that far out, someone was going to let the date go. We got lucky and actually 2 saturdays opened up within like 2 weeks of our request.  Don’t know if you are willing to risk it at this stage of the game… but it is always an option.

 As far as friday weddings go… I actually kinda like them for a few reasons:
1. it gives me a good reason to take time off work whether it is Out of Town or not (I know it isn’t as easy for everyone to take time of work…but, I jump at the chance).
2. Once the wedding it over you still have 2 whole days of weekend left.  If you are Out of Town that means more time to sight see or travel.  If you are in town you can go about your weekend as you normally would.
3. A friday wedding is always better than a sunday wedding, because you don’t have to go back to work the next day.

 Yup, I think that is about it from me!

Post # 12
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

If you DO go with the September 11th wedding date you may want to incorporate a message into a wedding website, invites or save the dates explaining something similar to CarolineG’s message above, about love being greater (greater, greater, GREATER) than violence. And if you don’t want to leave it at that, you could do your favors as a donation to a related organization, or make a private donation yourselves.

I would be as torn on this descision as you are… I know we have to move forward and remember this day with expressions of love, not just for those who were lost, and those who lost loved ones, but love and expressions of love for everyone. Just taking that step, and knowing when it’s right to do it is difficult.

Post # 12
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I like the June 26th date! Am I biased because it’s one day before my actual wedding day?  Maybe…

We actually considered a Friday evening wedding. It didn’t work out, but both my Fiance and I weren’t against the idea at all especially because our venue was greatly discounted! Also, I thought it would be pretty neat to have guests coming after work to party with us! (Maybe it’s still my old college days talkin’, but I like to feel social and go out on Friday nights!) But if you are thinking a day and/or afternoon ceremony and reception, obviously some people won’t/can’t take time off work. If that doesn’t bother you, I say go for it!

In terms of 9/11, I trust others’ advice.

 

Post # 13
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Friday weddings are fine. Those who really care about you will make it.

But personally I wouldn’t do Sep 11th.  Sure some people will think it’s fine (even people who were effected) but a lot of people won’t (including people who were/weren’t effected). It could put a downer on the whole event (people not wanting to dance, drink, etc.).  But more then that, I just wouldn’t want that day associated with my wedding. Think about it…your invitations will say "September 11" in flowery script. And people will get it and go "oh wow" and discuss the pros and cons of your choice. And I don’t think anyone will buy that you are doing it b/c "love conquers all."   On your wedding day flags will be lowered. The headline in the newspaper on your wedding day will have something to do with the attacks. All of the news will be about it. And it will be for the rest of your life on every anniversary until Sept. 11th turns into something like Pearl Harbor for most of us. And for the rest of your life when people ask, you will have to say you got married on Sept. 11th and that will no doubt prompt a conversation/explanation. Or every time you want off of work for your anniversary you have to tell people the day…another conversation no doubt. I just wouldn’t want to be bothered.

People who were already married on Sept. 11th before the attacks can’t help that, but I wouldn’t purposely put myself through that.  

Post # 14
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I don’t see anything wrong with 9/11 for a wedding if you don’t see anything wrong with it. No matter what wedding decisions you make, people are always going to have their opinions and you can’t please everyone. On the day people are going to spend their day enjoying your wedding and having a good time, not hunkered down reading newspapers or watching TV. The same will go for you on your future anniversaries (which no one will probably ever know about or remember except for you two and maybe your parents): you can choose whether to get caught up in the news coverage or to broadcast your anniversary to people who you think wouldn’t react well. Heck, no matter when your anniversary is, there are always going to be people who just don’t approve of marriage! What can you do about that? Not get married? Of course not! 

For example, I’m having my wedding the day after Halloween, a holiday I really don’t like, but I’m focusing on the positives—easy to remember anniversaries, tons of candy goes on sale every year, it’s all saints’ day….so it’s all in the attitude. But if you are feeling not to keen on 9/11, have you asked your dad if June 26th is too early?  Those 2.5 months might not make too much difference.

Post # 15
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I live in Boston as well, and we’re getting married in Newport, RI.  Our wedding is on a Friday night, mainly because it was significantly cheaper.  As many people have said, I think people who really want to be there will be there. 

Since we’re getting married in a somewhat destination town as well, it gives people an opportunity to play tourist as well.  Many Out of Town weddings that I’ve been to on Saturdays haven’t allowed me time to tour the city or see the sights.  Plus, you’re not rushing around the day after — you can have a nice relaxing time with your guests without people rushing off to the airport. 

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