(Closed) Serial Cohabitors – good, bad, and ugly

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1039 posts
Bumble bee

Ms.PatientBee:  I see where you’re coming from and I think that as long as you both make it clear that living together itn’s for financial or convenience reasons – it’s a litmus test for whether you can be together long-term and if so, you’d like to be engaged by xxx date.

My Darling Husband and I both lived with our previous partners, me for just under a year with an ex and we loosely discussed marriage but nothing more and him for almost 5 years with an ex and they never discussed it, which boggles my mind. We were younger and both our previous relationships ended on less than amicable terms.

I moved in with my now Darling Husband about a year after we started dating after he brought it up as way to see if we could take the next step. He proposed under a year later and we got married last year.

I never thought of it until I saw your post but counting the day we met until now, my entire relationship with Darling Husband is shorter than the length that he and his ex lived together. So for what it’s worth, I think it’s how you approach the topic of cohabitation and kepeing the promises you make to each other. Just be veru open and honest about your fears and concerns..I was and I don’t regret it one bit 🙂

Post # 17
Member
811 posts
Busy bee

My boyfriend and I are currently discussing this topic as well, and in my opinion I wouldn’t want to live with him unless we were planning engagment, or more specifically engaged (but you can’t always plan these things around a year long lease). I told him that I don’t need a roommate – I already have a great one. I want a husband, and a partner, so living together just because we don’t want to pay to live alone, or since we want to see each other more isn’t a good enough reason for me personally to move in.

Post # 18
Member
3291 posts
Sugar bee

This is the third boyfriend I have lived with, the one before him was emotionally abusive and made it very hard for me to leave. It was never that big of a deal for me to cohabitate with a bf, for more than half of my life I have moved from relative to relatives houses because my parents lived in a really isolated area and there were no study or job opportunities for me there.

One of the major factors in my decision to live with my current SO was because I was in university and living with my sister (who has no concept of boundaries…) and her 2 year old son. I wasn’t getting any of my uni work done because she would annoy me all day long. Also, my SO was working and flying in and out of state so it made more sense for me to live at his house and look after it while he wasn’t there. We’ve lived together for around 3 years I think, and I don’t regret it for a second.

Post # 19
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Ms.PatientBee:  When you said serial, I thouhgt you were going to say you lived with 5 or 6 other people. 

My Fiance and I have both been married before and lived with one other person besides the other spouse. I would not consider either of us “serial” cohbitators. And I think you are fine as well. 

Post # 20
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You are not serial co-habitors. It wouldn’t be a bad thing if you were though. Its good to live with someone first and know what you are getting into. 

I haven’t really lived with anyone before my Fiance. I would stay at their place 6-7 nights a week, go grocery shopping with them but still had my own apartment. With this guy, I moved in before the first date. I needed a place to stay and my friend of 7 years gave me the spare room of his home. We started dating, I moved into the master bedroom and 3 years later we are super happy.

Post # 21
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

First of all, you are not serial cohabitors because you each lived with one person before. Second, I agree with PPs that statistics don’t tell the whole story. Even if people who cohabitate before marriage do end in divorce more often than people that don’t, why does this happen? Maybe a lot of the people who don’t approve cohabitation before marriage also don’t approve divorce, because of religion or their general worldview. That doesn’t mean their marriages are happier, which I suppose is what you’re aiming for. Or maybe it’s because people who chose to cohabitate before getting married are usually younger, and therefore more likely to break up no matter what. Also, check this out https://contemporaryfamilies.org/cohabitation-divorce-brief-report/

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