(Closed) Serial Monogamist?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

No you are not the only person who feels that way. This is a question/issue I’ve considered time and time again for the past, oh I don’t know, 10 years of my life. I like to think that I’m just lucky and find great relationships without really looking, so why would I hold back for artificial reasons. That being said, sometimes I wonder if that’s something I can be truly objective about since…well it’s me. It comes down to this – are you happy? Is it a healthy and fulfilling relationship? If yes, then don’t let the wondering bring you down or cause you to question the validity of a good thing. My quick 2cents.

Post # 5
Member
2855 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@aliciapdx:  I was a serial monogomist for about 25 years. I dated boyfriend #1 from 19-29, dated 2 other guys between the ages 29-30, then boyfriend #2 from about 30-42.  After we broke up, I went out on a few dates but really was not into it.  (BTW, I never wanted children) I declared a moratorium, refused dates and starting dating my fiance at the age of 46. My 4 year moratorium after 25 years of serial monagamy was really enjoyable but I ended it in an instant after the first date with my Fiance.  He was the first man I ever really wanted to marry.

Post # 6
Member
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am just like that, too! I was with my HS sweetheart for 5 years, broke up. Met a new guy two months later, was with him for two years, broke up. Six months after I moved out and three months after we finally stopped seeing one another, I met FI! We’ve been together for about 2 years.

Post # 8
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Please don’t fret about what labels you think people might try to pin on you! You’re young yet, and it’s not at all unusual to experience intimate relationships with several people before settling down into a truly deep long-term one. I think, also, that some women are kind of like vortices who seem to draw in serious male attention, almost without trying – and you may be one of those lucky ladies.

There’s a positive side to “serial monogamy,” too, in that each relationship teaches up important things and helps shape us into the individual we become later in life. I credit some of my earlier partners with many of the things I like about myself today.

It’s important to ask yourself, though, if jumping into a new relationship is just a way to distract yourself from perceived loneliness, or if you’re just riding on a well-worn habitual path where it’s more comfortable to be partnered up.

But since you are currently engaged and have no impulses to dump the poor guy – just focus on being the best person you can possibly be in that relationship.

Post # 10
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m a serial monogamist, too! I dated someone from age 14-16, one person for four months, one person for two months, one person from 17-21, and now I’ve been with my (now) fiance from 21-present (age 26). I never felt like I was jumping into relationships – they really felt natural. If you’re happy that’s all that matters!

Post # 12
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ehhh…I feel what you may be responding more to is that you haven’t really been single and I think you are just observing that. I have no idea how old you are but I find as I get older (I’m 35) the more contempative I get about my life and where I’ve been.

I don’t think there is any reason NOT to be in a relationship with great people if that’s what someone really wants but it doesn’t sound like you really questioned if you wanted it.

Sometimes people just have it really good. Remember, nothing has any meaning than what you give it. πŸ™‚

 

xxoo

Post # 14
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - Russell's Pizza House

Nope! You are not alone in this. I have thought long and hard about why my relationship path has taken the course it has. I was in a relationship from 13-19, another from 19-23, a 6 month one when I was 23 then met my SO just after I turned 24 and I’m now 26. 

On paper it really doesn’t look healthy. I believe when I was younger I stayed in relationships when they were past their use by date due to self esteem issues….. But I’m a social worker so I analyse everything about relationships to the endth degree πŸ™‚

i like how your therapist reframed it as having ‘good luck’. I think if you feel happy with where you are at then you are in the right place. Comparing your journey to others will always make you feel like you should have travelled differently.

Post # 15
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I also feel we all have paths & roles in this life & some are more about relationships & others not so much. Thus, you could be one of those people & your life is set up for relationships. 

I feel that you are even wondering is your barometer. Unhealthy people never guess what they are doing could be off. They just do it. There’s little introspection. That you’re asking is positive to me. 

πŸ™‚

Post # 16
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am 48 and have been engaged 5 times prior to me meeting my Fiance. I was beginning to think that my standards were too high. I was in a 14 year relationship and left because I wasnt happy. I like you wouldnt settle and the men that asked I realized werent good enough for me. I gave back the rings and moved forward, the last relationship of 14 years I decided to be celibate after I left, it was 4 years before I met my Fiance.

For me it was healthier to take sex off the table because sex sometimes clouds your judgement and I wanted to focus on myself. Determine what is best for me, what I needed to work on, what things about myself I need to change, and what do I have to offer my future spouse.

I am still celibate (5 years now) and my Fiance made the same decision prior to meeting me (he had been celibate for 3 years then and now is it 4) and we both decided to wait until we get married. Him being in the military and on active duty has made it easier to remain celibate.

It might help to do a self assessment on yourself and ask yourself the hard questions. You will be surprised what you find out about yourself when you are totally honest it helped a lot. Now all of my friends and doing the same thing to determine what they can do to be better people, wives, girlfriends.

I hope that helps. πŸ™‚

BIG HUG

 

 

 

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