- 4 weeks ago
Good day! Really looking for some guidance and advice so Thank you in advance
Here’s some background info: I am 28, my bf is 31. We live with each other now and have been dating about a year. When we first started to get to know each other he said when he was younger he wanted to be a Dad and a husband but as he got into his mid to late 20’s, he was completely content with life and didn’t have the desires to want to be married or have kids. He really enjoyed the single life and sent a lot of time exploring and traveling. Of his wide circle of friends, none of them have children either so before meeting me, he would see his friends up to 4 nights a week. After we started dating he said he was now putting being a husband and a father back on the table, so we were on the same page when it came to our futures lining up because I have expressed wanting kids and being married.
A few months back we had a small scare and I only say small because my period was a week late (I’m very regular) and we use protection but I had a strong feeling it was late because of my work stress. Period came and all was good. Now months later we were talking about children in a random conversation and he said that back when we had that scare, it made him think harder and now he was on the fence on if he really wants kids or not. He said the scare made him think that if i was pregnant, would he have been wanting to be a father. Since he never told me those thoughts back then, it made me worry. I made it very clear that I want children and he would have to take some time to decide what he wanted because after all it’s a major life decision and if he doesn’t want children, I am not going to try to convince him otherwise. But it also made me think while I know I didn’t want children in my 20s, my 30s are around the corner and he’s already in his 30s. I immediately thought to myself, if you are in your 30s and you haven’t decided if you want kids or not, then you likely don’t want them. But I am also trying not to jump ahead and assume and give him the time to think.
I guess my question is how much time do I give him? While I don’t want to waste my time dating someone who isn’t sure, we have already been together for a year. Do I give him until the end of the year to consider it more before re-visiting the conversation to see if he’s still on the fence? Or is that too soon, too late? While I am deeply in love with this man, I am truly afraid of the idea of him not wanting children and then our relationship ending. I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I won’t move forward with other parts of our relationship until he has it figured out meaning I will not accept a proposal or buy a home with him until he’s made a decision. And to him that totally makes sense. I am trying not to pressure him at all and I am trying to be understanding, but I am sad inside and it’s hard for me to hide that.