Serious doubts about upcoming marriage

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 76
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with sassy411, you would need to think about the implications of raising children with someone who will teach them to distrust democracy and medicine. I can really see why you’re so stressed and panicked, it can’t be easy dealing with all this right now.

Post # 77
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee

stopthecarousel :  

Ha ha what a coincidence! It sounds like he’s a conspiracy theorist who has become very disolusioned because of what he believes in.  I think every couple have their differences, but he is seeing the world in a completely different way to you and in a way which upsets you, so I’m not sure that this something you can overcome. 

I am an atheist for example, and I know that I wouldn’t be able to be in a relationship with someone who was religious as we clearly would have two completely different views on the world and life in general. Views and beliefs, especially those which are strongly held, are so important because our actions are a direct result of them. Him saying that he would teach your children that basically nothing they do will change anything as votes don’t count and protests etc don’t any effect, to me is very sad, and is not something I would be happy with. Also, his views on healthcare and medicine etc can be very dangerous. 

This is a very interesting article about why some people have a need to believe in conspiracy theories https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/talking-apes/201801/why-do-people-believe-in-conspiracy-theories   

Post # 78
Member
1366 posts
Bumble bee

I said it before, but he will continue to escalate. Pretty soon he’ll be donating money to Alex Jones and buying overpriced InfoWars toothpaste.

Post # 81
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

stopthecarousel :  I’m glad that you have a good support system, that will really help. Their perspective sounds encouraging, but I think at this point you really need to go to counseling with him and hash these issues out together. It might not be a big deal to him now, but if a situation ever came up in the future where a decision needed to be made on something (disciplining the kids, etc.), it might become a huge deal that you are not on the same page with him. Differences are okay, but not if you aren’t on the same page with each other about how those differences should be handled. Best of luck to you bee, you’ll pull through this and it will make you stronger. xoxo

Post # 82
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I am on my third marriage (Divorced, then widowed), so I feel I can weigh in a little bit on some of your points.  I think the main issue is less about the differing opions, and more about showing acceptance and respect about the differences.  My first husband and I, on paper, should have been very compatible.  Both Christians, raised middle class, etc. etc.  HOWEVER, he wouldn’t let differences go.  We couldn’t “agree to disagree.” about many many things.  My second husband and I had VERY different backgrounds, and sometimes agreed to disagree, but sometimes he’d get angry that I didn’t see his point.

 

My current husband is VERY different in some points.  He’s an athiest, but comes to church with me.  He’s a pharmacy tech, I HATE Western medicine with a passion, but support him and his work.  We’ve come to agreements on how we’ll deal with religion and health care, and respect each other.  He has a great philosophy about “other people’s realities” and respecting them, and he just doesn’t get worked up about things.  I love it.

 

The fact that your Fiance is combative and letting his beliefs spill over and wanting to debate you, and getting angry, and the fact that his beliefs are bothering you so much, both concern me.  If you can’t reach a mutual respect about these issues and deal with them as a team, then I am afraid it likely won’t work out.

 

As for finding a great guy in your 30s…I was 34 when I met my late husband (he died 5 months after we married), and 37 when I met my current husband.  I just remarried at 40 and I’ve never been happier in a relationship.  Love in your 30s exists!

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors