(Closed) serious mother problems… venting and worried..what do you think i should do

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How should I handle this.. any other ideas please let me know thanks
    Let my mom come and hope she will behave : (0 votes)
    Send out a card just to her stating the wedding date has changed : (5 votes)
    11 %
    Hire a police officer to stand outside just in case : (23 votes)
    50 %
    Hire someone just to sit with her and keep her under control : (15 votes)
    33 %
    You posted an idea : (3 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    If you think your mom is this sick, you should perhaps look at having her spend some time in an institution and get proper treatment.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I have to agree with ejs4y8.  I know there can be a stigma attached with that kinda treatment, but it really can do momumental things.  It can ultimately change her quality of life and yours.  That being said, if you’re truly concerned about her hurting someone, at your wedding or anywhere, I would rethink inviting her.  That would obviously destroy what is supposed to be one of the best days of your life.  If you do decide to invite her, is there someone (not necessarily a hired hand, maybe a stable friend of hers) that can come along, to make sure she’s alright?

    Post # 6
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I don’t think that you should invite her, especially because it sounds like you have no relationship with her.  With the rest of your family disowning her as well it seems like a reunion could quickly get volitile.  If your mom is as sick as you say that she is she probably doesn’t have a sense of boundries and what is or what isn’t appropriate behavior.  I think having her attend would just be more sress for everyone.

    Post # 7
    Member
    903 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I wouldn’t lie to her (that could perhaps set her off if she found out?), but if you think she’s likely to cause problems if she’s there, I would consider hiring the police officer to stand at the door in case she shows up so you don’t have to worry about a scene at the wedding.

    I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, especially now, and I pray that you and your sister will be able to get her some help.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5670 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Since you already sent her an invitation, I would hire a police officer just in case. They can come to the wedding dressed undercover so noone would know and I think this would help ease your mind so you can enjoy your wedding day. If she is mentally unstable I’m afraid that even if you told her a different date, if she was planning to come then she might still check out the first date.

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. My heart goes out to you.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1854 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    So sorry you’re having to deal with all this stressful situation for your wedding day! Even if she said whe will not be coming, she could impulsively change her mind and come to do some damage. Some type of hired security would help put your mind more at ease.
    Is everything booked already? I’d consider changing locations and not tell her – I mean, she says she won’t be coming, so she doesn’t NEED the new information. And if she shows up to the old place because she was looking for trouble, she will not find it and you’ll be able to confront her about her intentions.

    Post # 11
    Member
    762 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Is there anybody that she trusts still? If so maybe that person could be with her on that day to make sure nothing happens. Also, read up on the laws in your state, if you haven’t already. In MI, a family member can have someone committed. Maybe you could talk to her drs. or even the judge about your fears?

    Post # 13
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    Normally my advice would be to just make sure there was someone assigned to stay with her and keep her from making any outbursts, but if you REALLY believe that there is a possibility that she would do physical harm its your obligation to make sure that doesn’t happen. If you need to hire a police officer, well, thats what you have to do. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    536 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    All I can say is that I am really sorry you have to go through this!  It sounds extremely upsetting to me!  I think that you need to do what you need to do to make sure she doesn’t hurt anyone or herself!  You can’t let her ruin your wedding!  It seems like you have been hurt enough in the past by her..I hope everything works out for you!!!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1765 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I also think that you should hire police/security- as someone else commented, they could be dressed in “wedding appropriate attire” for the protection of you, your family and friends.  I’m sorry for what you are going through.  Best Wishes πŸ™‚

    Post # 16
    Member
    396 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    This is very similar to my Future Mother-In-Law. However; we have not “disowned” her. Sorry to say but when someone needs help; the last thing they need is for their children & close family to turn on them. She needs you especially. Even if she’s driven everyone else away and even if she tells you she hates you and never wants to see you again. You need to get her help. No one else can do it. She will not get it herself. Exactly like the judge said. Until she hurts someone or herself then they can’t do anything. Do you really want to wait until it’s too late? You want to wait until she’s hurt someone? Believe me; you can do something. You need to push this judge or your local law enforcement more. You need to demand they help you get her committed. If you think she is capable of hurting a large group of people; then you need to get her help.

    OR if you are going to stand behind “disowning” her; then you need to do it. And if you choose this then it will be better for her if you are gone and totally gone. No contact. She needs to know that if your in her life; then she will be getting help. End of story. You need to choose one way or the other. You can’t straddle the fence. You either need to stand by your mom and help her with her sickness; or you need to leave it rest and let her live her life how she does. If you choose to let her live the way she is; then you need to be willing to accept anything that happens. You need to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. & if that means hiring security for your wedding; then so be it.

     

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