- 5 years ago
I just got married on Saturday, and while I know it was a wonderful day, I feel really sad. I was prepared for the letdown of everything being over, but what I wasn’t prepared for was the fact that everything got so off schedule, and that I missed out on so much because of it.
To start out, we were late getting to the venue, then it was hectic because a bunch of stuff hadn’t been set up by our venue, so it was extremely hard to decorate. My mom was running around like crazy, and I practically had to yell at her to get her in the bridal room so that she could get me into my dress (this did not feel good). Then the worst thing happened…my DRESS BROKE. My mom had fastened it too low the first time she put it on, and when she undid it to move it higher, the hook broke- I’m 75% certain this wouldn’t have happened if we weren’t so hurried. It took at least a half hour to get it fixed, and my mom ended up having to sew the top together with dental floss. Everyone says this is funny and something I will remember forever, but for me, this is a terrible memory from the day, and one that unfortunately stands out more than most of the positive memories. This also threw the schedule so completely off (we started pictures and hour and a half late) and made me so stressed that it affected me for the rest of the day. Multiple times I felt like crying because everything was so wrong and had to force myself to hold it together during pictures- not exacty how I expected to feel on my wedding day. And after it all, my dress was still too low- it was made to fit just perfectly and stay up well, but had to be fastened at the right level. When it was sewed on too, it started out too low, there was nothing I could do to move it up.
In the end, we did our first look and hour and a half late. I planned on being a half hour, or maybe even an hour late, but an hour and a half was something I couldn’t recover from. I felt so stressed the entire time we took pictures. It’s like all this stress affected my state of mind so much that I couldn’t just relax and take anything in. I feel like everything just happened around me, and all I can remember is the unhappy feelings, while none of the happy feelings or the images of how everything looked in person really sunk in to my brain. I know that there will be pictures, but I don’t feel like they will replace seeing things in person and the memories that I could have made but didn’t.
And I hate so much that I feel this way and even have to write this post.
I was expecting to feel a little bummed that everything was over, but overall happy, but instead I feel sad that it is over on top of sad about how many things went. Every day since the wedding I’ve thought or more and more pictures I wanted but didn’t get, and I know that it’s all because of my dress breaking and that it completely threw off the schedule I had worked so hard to plan. I know this might be a bad idea, but I just needed to list out all the pictures I wanted but we didn’t get:
-Picture of my husband and I in front of the arch we had after the ceremony (this is an arch that my dad built with his own two hands, my mom painted, and we spent a lot of money on flowers for. I truly loved this arch to death, and didn’t even have a chance to walk up to it and even look at it, other than during the ceremony, during which I couldn’t really look at it. I know there will be pictures, but know it will never replace seeing it in person)
-We had a beautiful view of the mountains, which I wanted to do my bridal portaits in front of, but we just squeeze them in real quick in front of a brick wall.
-Picture of my husband dipping me
-picture of my husband and I laying on the grass with my dress spread out under us
-we weren’t able to take any wedding party photos until during the cocktail hour because we got so behind on time, and by then the sun was too strong on the mountains behind us, so we had to get them in front of a different backdrop, rather than the beautful mountain view, and I am sad about this
-My purple rainboots that matched my wedding colors and I got just in case in rained. While I was so lucky that it didn’t rain the day of our wedding, it dumped the night before, and the grass was soaking wet. I was planning on wearing my boots for pictures to get a cute pic and make it easier to walk on the wet grass, but for some reason I spaced and wore my white satin heels, which got ruined walking on wet grass for hours, and I missed out on my rainboots picture.
-We got the groomsmen lavender argyle socks- this was something my fiance didn’t really want to bother with, but I LOVED the idea of it. They were all in a box with one extra black pair of socks for my husband (we had to get one extra to get the deal at the store, and they were just for him to have a different pair), but because he just put the box out, one of the groomsmen grabbed the completely different pair. So the cute socks picture of the groomsmen I worked so hard to get got completely messed up because of the one random pair. I also got my husband lavender socks with his initials embroidered on them, but I guess he didn’t realize he was actually supposed to them that day. For some reason, this really bums me out, because I thought they would be so special for the wedding.
It’s just so hard thinking about all of these things I wanted, and feeling like if I had the extra 30-45 min that fixing my dress took, we probably would have been able to get. Or I would have been able to make it to part of my cocktail hour like I had wanted. I worked so hard on all the little details, such as having pictures of our parents and grandparents weddings, a DIY photo booth, lots of signs, the perfect lavender macarons, and flowers arranged by my mom in the cocktail hour room, and I never really got to see it all together. But the worst feeling of this all the stress and anxiety that it caused me for hours on the day of the wedding, and knowing that this really impacted my ability to enjoy the day and take it all in. It’s like at the visual memories of the wedding are missing. And there’s nothing I can do to get those memories back.
I know that this is way more sad than it is normal to feel following a wedding. Shouldn’t I be focusing on how happy I am to be married? But for some reason I can’t. I’ve slowly let on how I feel to my husband as we drove back to California from Washington, and I know it’s been hurting him to hear how I feel. Today was our first day back in our apartment, and I spend the whole morning crying. All the wedding stuff we brought back just made me feel even more sad.
I don’t know if I’m really looking for a ton of advice or anything specific, but partially needed to get this all out. If there’s anyone else who has felt the same way I would love to hear how you coped. Everything on the internet just says to move on to a new project or make a wedding scrapbook, but I don’t see how this can help me get over the extreme sadness I am experiencing, which is way more than just the let down of a wedding being over. Everyone says the wedding was wonderful, but it means little to me when I couldn’t experience it myself.
Thank you to anyone who has made it to the end of this long post.